Okay so I have a question. I live in the state of NC where this law is recognized.. I had an affair with a man who was in the navy last summer. My husband of 12 years discovered the affair and we worked for several months to try and restore the marriage. I left my husband in January of this year. We bacame legally seperated on May 18th. I started seeing the man that i had the affair with again at the end of March. My husband was having us followed and has photographs of him leaving my apartment before the seperation papers were signed. The other man lives in the state of SC. My husband has no proof of the places where the affair took place over the summer except phone records of calls made between the two of us. All sexual acts took place in other states, SC and Virginia. He has no proof that we have had sex in NC except for the pictures of him leaving my apartment. Can he sue this man for alienation of affection and if so what state will the case be filed in?
Thanks for the help

Okay so I have a question. I live in the state of NC where this law is recognized.. I had an affair with a man who was in the navy last summer. My husband of 12 years discovered the affair and we worked for several months to try and restore the marriage. I left my husband in January of this year. We bacame legally seperated on May 18th. I started seeing the man that i had the affair with again at the end of March. My husband was having us followed and has photographs of him leaving my apartment before the seperation papers were signed. The other man lives in the state of SC. My husband has no proof of the places where the affair took place over the summer except phone records of calls made between the two of us. All sexual acts took place in other states, SC and Virginia. He has no proof that we have had sex in NC except for the pictures of him leaving my apartment. Can he sue this man for alienation of affection and if so what state will the case be filed in?

A NC resident can sue an out-of-state resident for alienation of affection/criminal conversation. Are you sure that hubby intends to sue? He may just be using this as a way to get out of paying alimony. If he can prove adultery then you are barred from receiving any alimony [NC is only state I know where this is true, although it may be true in another state(s) and I’m just not aware of it]. Generally speaking, most people don’t go through the time/trouble/expense of suing for alienation of affection/criminal conversation, they just use it as a bargaining tool during the divorce. But, if hubby’s pissed enough…

yes, he is pissed enough. I did not pursue alimony and I signed away all my claim to the marital property. Plus I decided to not fight him in court for custody of the children to keep things quiet. He has everything... My question, I guess, is if SC does not recognize alienation of affection how will the suit take place and what do we need to do to prepare for this? I am pretty sure that he is going to go through with it... he has the money to do so. What type of defense against it do we have?

yes, he is pissed enough. I did not pursue alimony and I signed away all my claim to the marital property. Plus I decided to not fight him in court for custody of the children to keep things quiet. He has everything... My question, I guess, is if SC does not recognize alienation of affection how will the suit take place and what do we need to do to prepare for this? I am pretty sure that he is going to go through with it... he has the money to do so. What type of defense against it do we have?

Good Lord. It sounds like you gave him everything and he’s still pursuing this? Yep, he must be really pissed. Especially since these types of lawsuits can get very expensive.

Hubby would file the lawsuit in NC.

Here's what he'd have to prove:
--the marriage entailed love between the spouses in some degree;
--the spousal love was alienated and destroyed; and
--the defendant’s malicious conduct contributed to or caused the loss of affection.

He doesn’t have to prove that this man intended to destroy your marriage, just that what he did would be viewed as something that could have that effect.

He doesn’t have to prove that the man actually had sex with you, just that he contributed to your loss of affection for your spouse.

For alienation of affection it can be a defense that the man didn’t know you were married (although that’s not a defense for criminal conversation), but I’m assuming he did know?

It is not a defense that there were martial problems prior to the affair UNLESS those problems had reached the point that there was no longer ANY love of affection between the two of you.

If you think hubby intends to pursue this I’d advise you (or actually your male friend, because that’s who he would sue) to talk to an attorney.

And just so you know, I AM NOT AN ATTORNEY.

I am not sure that you do. And really, not trying to be rude, but that law was put into place for people like yourself. Again, I am not trying to be rude, but you have children, and you are off having an affair, in different states no less? That means that you spend quite a bit of time away from your children, more than most mothers at least. You husband and children have both lost due to your actions, so why should you walk away a winner at their expense? You knew of this law, so you must have known about it going into the affair. You knew the risks, and did it anyhow. I can't understand a mother giving up her children at any point, but especially just in order to avoid a custody fight that may shed some bad light on your activities. If you were ashamed of what you had done, and didn't want it to be public, then you should have made a better decision. I feel bad lecturing you because I know you came here for advice, but I have been in your husband's shoes, and my children have too. I am not saying you should stay in a marriage that isn't happy, but there is a right and wrong way of going about things, and this wasn't right. I wish that I did live in a state that recognizes that law. If I did, I would have taken that woman for every dollar I could get. Not for the money, but because cheaters ruin families, and most times the person that they cheat with are well aware that there is a family in place. It isn't fair that my kids, your kids, or anyone elses have to suffer and deal with parents that hate eachother due to an affair. Those feelings take forever to overcome. You made some bad decisions, and due to that you have a good chance at losing if he pursues it. I know someone that did exactly what you have done. Gave up her kids, and all rights to marital property just to keep it quiet and be with her affair. Nothing but the clothes in the closet. She has been fighting for almost 2 years now to regain partial custody of her kids. And the saddest part, is that now that the kids are older, they hate her. I feel bad for your kids and hope that you wake up and become a better mother. I can't help like feeling that someday you will really regret some of the decisions you have made. Good luck and God bless you............

id just like to say im glad i ran across this because i wasnt aware of this law in NC and i always end up with cheaters so now i know what i can do to the next woman that puts her hands in my closet. :)

You know, it also occurred to me that if the boy toy was still in the Navy, the hubby could be compiling enough evidence for one of the few places that adultery IS a crime... Military Court.

If the BF is an officer, it could be conduct unbecoming and a whole slew of other charges based around conduct.

Unfortunately, most military law I know came from "A Few Good Men".... anyone have any other experience?

I am a man that has been married 23 years to the same beautiful woman. I have 2 sons, 1 adult, 1 minor with my wife. I, yes, have had issues with being truthful about our personal finances but everything was always taken care of. I never cheated, never meant to hurt my wife by lieing about credit cards, late payments, etc. I only wanted to give her a life I thought she wanted and deserved. A marriage cannot be based on lies as this, but, she cheated on me with my best friend. I found out Friday the 13th. I hurt so bad I cannot beleive it. I still love my wife, want my wife, need my wife. Yes, I have told her. I told her I want her to stay, I will forgive and forget. Sounds sick, but for the first time in my life, for the sake of my wife and children, it is the truth. I will find out today if she plans on trying to work it out or not. I signed up for counseling, both for my jealous tendencies and financial deception. I took her lover (my ex-best friend) into my home 3 months ago when he found out his wife was having an affair. They are still married. I drove with my wife 8 hours to go to his father's funeral on Oct 12. I told him, "anyhring you need, anything, you know I am there for you". I never expected it was my wife. I have gone to his home and secured deck furniture when we were expecting a hurricane because he was out of town with his sick father and I knew his wife could not do it. I worked on remodeling a home with him a few months ago. Yes, I agree, I am a huge idiot. I promised when I found out that I would go get help with my issues. I have scheduled an appt with a Psychologist and family counselor. I want to make this work. My wife has not agreed yet to go to counseling but says she needs it. I am told that I need to see if I can record her admitting to the affair so I can avoid alimony. I really don't carre about that. I want my family. If things don't work out, I plan to use every avenue at my disposal to completely shatter the other man's life. I plan on fighting for custody of my minor son. Nobody wins when this happens. I pray for all that have ever experienced this.