I've posted this before, but i still need to talk about it because it's
dissapeared off the bottom of the screen.

now my seperated one is back in her country & i'm nearer than ever, i miss
her so much, i'm having my therapy for the problem with anxiety that pushed
her away.
It's 1 year since we were there together living in Budapest, then she was
crying for me when i leaft to come back home for a short time, now she won't
take my calls or texts.
I stopped my nightly 2 beers for her as she hates alcohol, i never drank
alot, just 2 beers before a meal & she hated it, i changed lots for her &
followed her to america & now after my illness, i'm back on my own & scared,
i've nobody.
She wants space, but always tries to hurt me by saying she will meet with
other men, while i love her now more than ever. I feel jealous to the extent
i don't know what to do with myself resulting in panic attacks. I get all
worked up. I feel i should be there with her doing things & sharing together
as we did, it's terrible.
I need to talk with her & asked her ifwe could do like adults, but she won't
& this is tearing me up inside, i dread waking up in a morning.
She says she wants to see me in future, should i just leave her & wait her
to contact me, can someone spend 15 months of their lives with someone &
just erase it from their minds, i can't.
Gary

Gary,

I don´t know the whole story, but from what I read, I can tell there is
another man (men?) involved.
She even comes out and says it, she´s got something going right now, and if
it doesn´t work out, she´ll date you.
She´s not just saying that "to hurt you". This is how it is.
Listen and watch her actions carefully, put the feelings aside, and you´ll
see this for your self.

"I need space" almost always means: I want to check out my options and if
nothing better comes up you´ll hear from me.

If you are comfortable with that, leave her alone and wait for her to call.

I, personaly, would leave her alone - period - and would try to get my life
started again.

Sioban

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c1cp61$a56$1@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk... I've posted this before, but i still need to talk about it because it's dissapeared off the bottom of the screen. now my seperated one is back in her country & i'm nearer than ever, i miss her so much, i'm having my therapy for the problem with anxiety that
pushed her away. It's 1 year since we were there together living in Budapest, then she was crying for me when i leaft to come back home for a short time, now she
won't take my calls or texts. I stopped my nightly 2 beers for her as she hates alcohol, i never drank alot, just 2 beers before a meal & she hated it, i changed lots for her & followed her to america & now after my illness, i'm back on my own &
scared, i've nobody. She wants space, but always tries to hurt me by saying she will meet with other men, while i love her now more than ever. I feel jealous to the
extent i don't know what to do with myself resulting in panic attacks. I get all worked up. I feel i should be there with her doing things & sharing
together as we did, it's terrible. I need to talk with her & asked her ifwe could do like adults, but she
won't & this is tearing me up inside, i dread waking up in a morning. She says she wants to see me in future, should i just leave her & wait
her to contact me, can someone spend 15 months of their lives with someone & just erase it from their minds, i can't. Gary

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
I've posted this before, but i still need to talk about it because it's dissapeared off the bottom of the screen. now my seperated one is back in her country & i'm nearer than ever, i miss her so much, i'm having my therapy for the problem with anxiety that pushed her away.

How can anyone say this so that you will hear it?

L E A V E H E R A L O N E O R Y O U W I L L P U S H H E R

F U R T H E R A W A Y!!

I understand, but i'm the one losing the love of my life because of an
illness i couldn't help, i'm the one being treated like **** & want to
communicate like adults, i'm the one in emptional pain, but i've got top let
her be, if i want her, yes your right, its so painfull.
Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:0kp_b.386459$na.593145@attbi_s04... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: I've posted this before, but i still need to talk about it because it's dissapeared off the bottom of the screen. now my seperated one is back in her country & i'm nearer than ever, i
miss her so much, i'm having my therapy for the problem with anxiety that
pushed her away. How can anyone say this so that you will hear it? L E A V E H E R A L O N E O R Y O U W I L L P U S H H E R F U R T H E R A W A Y!!

gary wrote: I understand, but i'm the one losing the love of my life because of an illness i couldn't help, i'm the one being treated like **** & want to communicate like adults, i'm the one in emptional pain, but i've got top let her be, if i want her, yes your right, its so painfull.


One thing I've noticed throughout your posts, gary, is a total
focus on yourself with very little empathy and even less under-
standing of GF's feelings. It's a fine line to walk even for us
without the issues you are dealing with to try and balance our
own feelings and emotions with another person's. *IF* your GF
is a good person, one that is worthy of your love, she probably
already *has* tried to communicate as an adult to another adult
and you missed it because of your problems. Look back at how
things got to this point and see if there were times when she
communicated with you and you just weren't able to see it for
what it was or where you ignored what she was saying or you
just kept pushing her to the point where she felt she had to
start acting in the way she is now.

I'm remembering back to two totally different times in my hus-
band's and my relationship where I tried very hard to communi-
cate 'as an adult' and he just wasn't there at the same place.
Once when I was breaking off the relationship (before we married)
and once when he wanted to break off our relationship/end our
marriage. In the first instance, I had very good reasons why I
wanted to end our relationship, ones that he in no way could
'fix' or change AFAIWC and it took quite a long time before he
would stop trying to push me into changing my mind. In fact,
as long as I continued to listen to him, he continued trying
to argue me out of my conviction and only when I became 'the
ice woman' towards him did he let up on it.

What I'm trying to point out to you is this: Even 'good', very
nice people are sometimes pushed to acting in ways that aren't
really consistent with their personality when they feel there
is no other way to end what has begun to feel like harassment.
And trying to help someone through a breakup that *you* have
been the instigator of is something that most people can't do
and it's not their responsibility once they've made the reasons
for the breakup known. She has done that. From here on out, it's
up to you to get past the breakup.

Tracey

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
I understand, but i'm the one losing the love of my life because of an illness i couldn't help, i'm the one being treated like ****

I don't think you are being treated like ****. _She_ can't help that
she needs you to leave her alone.
& want to communicate like adults,

She also can't help that she no longer trusts you to communicate like
an adult, and I can't blame her if you are going to persist in
believing that you are being treated like ****.
i'm the one in emptional pain,

which she may be _also_. Until you are strong enough to stand on your
own two legs and deal with your emotional pain, you aren't fit to be
in a relationship with someone.
but i've got top let her be, if i want her, yes your right, its so painfull.

You've got to let her be, painful or not, yes.

Replying to my own post because I get the impression that, since I
eventually ended up marrying my husband, gary might get a different
message from my post than I intended.

The only reason that there was even a chance for my husband and I
was that he finally backed off on his insistence on having the type
of relationship he wanted and respected and stayed within the boun-
daries of the type of relationship *I* wanted. And it was *seven
years* between the time of our breakup and when we married.

I could tell of the two instances where I dated men who just wouldn't
take 'No, I don't want to continue in a relationship with you' for
an answer and give my side of how I felt pushed into becoming 'The
***** Who Crushed Me When All I Wanted Was to Love Her', but I just
don't see that gary is listening to much of anything but his own
pain.

Tracey

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c1dkh4$dkm$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk... I understand, but i'm the one losing the love of my life because of an illness i couldn't help, i'm the one being treated like **** & want to communicate like adults, i'm the one in emptional pain, but i've got top
let her be, if i want her, yes your right, its so painfull.

If it is true that she's treating you like **** (or even if you feel like
that, regardless of her side of the story), how can you think that this is
"the love of your life"? People do weird things when they're abroad and get
involved with people that they otherwise wouldn't--only once you're back on
"home soil" does it becomes apparent that you made a (huge or small)
mistake. I know this from personal experience, unfortunately.

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:<c1cp61$a56$1@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk>...

It's 1 year since we were there together living in Budapest, then she was crying for me when i leaft to come back home for a short time, now she won't take my calls or texts.

can someone spend 15 months of their lives with someone & just erase it from their minds, i can't.


She didn't "just" erase it from her mind. Apparently she's had a whole
year to do that, no? Or am I not following your story correctly.

jen

Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:<0kp_b.386459$na.593145@attbi_s04>... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: I've posted this before, but i still need to talk about it because it's dissapeared off the bottom of the screen. now my seperated one is back in her country & i'm nearer than ever, i miss her so much, i'm having my therapy for the problem with anxiety that pushed her away. How can anyone say this so that you will hear it? L E A V E H E R A L O N E O R Y O U W I L L P U S H H E R F U R T H E R A W A Y!!

Maybe one of these will resonate:

Deixe-a sozinha ou você empurrará seu mais adicional ausente!!

Lascila sola o spingerete suo ulteriore assente!!

Lassen Sie sie allein, oder Sie drücken ihr weiteres weg!!

Laissez-la seule ou vous pousserez son autre parti !!

Déjela sola o usted empujará su posterior ausente!!

On 23 Feb 2004 15:50:56 -0800, in alt.support.marriage, caren50@msn.com (Caren) arranged
some electrons, so they looked like this :

... Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:<0kp_b.386459$na.593145@attbi_s04>...
... > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
... >
... > > I've posted this before, but i still need to talk about it because it's
... > > dissapeared off the bottom of the screen.
... > >
... > > now my seperated one is back in her country & i'm nearer than ever, i miss
... > > her so much, i'm having my therapy for the problem with anxiety that pushed
... > > her away.
... >
... > How can anyone say this so that you will hear it?
... >
... > L E A V E H E R A L O N E O R Y O U W I L L P U S H H E R
... >
... > F U R T H E R A W A Y!!
...
... Maybe one of these will resonate:
...
... Deixe-a sozinha ou você empurrará seu mais adicional ausente!!

It should read : deixe-a em paz ou ela se afastará ainda mais de você.

... Lascila sola o spingerete suo ulteriore assente!!
...
... Lassen Sie sie allein, oder Sie drücken ihr weiteres weg!!
...
... Laissez-la seule ou vous pousserez son autre parti !!

Laissez-la tranquille ou elle s'en ira très loin de vous.

... Déjela sola o usted empujará su posterior ausente!!


Your translator is NIL !

gary wrote: I understand, but i'm the one losing the love of my life because of an illness i couldn't help, i'm the one being treated like **** & want to communicate like adults, i'm the one in emptional pain, but i've got top let her be, if i want her, yes your right, its so painfull.

No, you are the one treating her like **** because you don't respect her
enough to abide by her wishes.

Frankly, Gary, you sound besotted past the point of rationality and that's
pretty scary, just reading it here.

You can't force your love on someone....
.....Well actually you can but it generally ends badly.

Tai

Shiny, whilst in Budapest, it was great, a real love, we talked of future
children & she cried her heart out, as i did when i just had to leave her
for a fiew months for work, i packed my job in & returned after 2 weeks.

All i want is the chance to show her that my therapy & problems i will erase
from my life & that we can communicate calmly & be cool. YES, I'M GIVING
HER SPACE, as i haven't yet, but she said 1 mail a week. I just hate this
bad vibes between us.
If she was ill, i'd do anything for her & it wouldn't push me away, on the
contrary.
I hope things will improve after time/space, they can't get worse, but i do
feel angry, & decieved, by her.
NO, i don't just think of myself, i continually talk to my councellor about
the guilt i feel about putting my **** on her, even though it wasn't my
fault, she knows i put others before myself, but this paranoia & selfishness
that i admit i have been are symptomatic of anxiety, that i hate & will be
eradicated. I just want to prove to her this. Thats all & who knows, she may
like it.
Gary
shinypenny <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:c8cb5319.0402231544.4bd7a0b1@posting.google.c om... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:<c1cp61$a56$1@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk>... It's 1 year since we were there together living in Budapest, then she
was crying for me when i leaft to come back home for a short time, now she
won't take my calls or texts. can someone spend 15 months of their lives with someone & just erase it from their minds, i can't. She didn't "just" erase it from her mind. Apparently she's had a whole year to do that, no? Or am I not following your story correctly. jen

You didn't answer my question. Let me rephrase:

How long have you known this woman?

How much of that time were you physically in the same country together?

How much of that time have you been in different countries?

jen

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:<c1fpbv$8ib$1@newsg3.svr.pol.co.uk>... Shiny, whilst in Budapest, it was great, a real love, we talked of future children & she cried her heart out, as i did when i just had to leave her for a fiew months for work, i packed my job in & returned after 2 weeks. All i want is the chance to show her that my therapy & problems i will erase from my life & that we can communicate calmly & be cool. YES, I'M GIVING HER SPACE, as i haven't yet, but she said 1 mail a week. I just hate this bad vibes between us. If she was ill, i'd do anything for her & it wouldn't push me away, on the contrary. I hope things will improve after time/space, they can't get worse, but i do feel angry, & decieved, by her. NO, i don't just think of myself, i continually talk to my councellor about the guilt i feel about putting my **** on her, even though it wasn't my fault, she knows i put others before myself, but this paranoia & selfishness that i admit i have been are symptomatic of anxiety, that i hate & will be eradicated. I just want to prove to her this. Thats all & who knows, she may like it. Gary shinypenny <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:c8cb5319.0402231544.4bd7a0b1@posting.google.c om... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:<c1cp61$a56$1@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk>... It's 1 year since we were there together living in Budapest, then she was crying for me when i leaft to come back home for a short time, now she won't take my calls or texts. can someone spend 15 months of their lives with someone & just erase it from their minds, i can't. She didn't "just" erase it from her mind. Apparently she's had a whole year to do that, no? Or am I not following your story correctly. jen

I've known her now 19 months & we spent everyday, exept a fortnight
together in Hungary, England & USA & we were in Hungary 4 months, 8 monnths
in England & 2 & half months in USA, then i returned for visa reasons & she
stayed to carry on her work for another 3 months. She's just returned & i
leaft in November, so apart we have been for 4 months nearly, when i
returned, most of what she said was not true. Anger deceit & frustration i
have felt, but guilt & love also.
shinypenny <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:c8cb5319.0402241235.447d50c2@posting.google.c om... You didn't answer my question. Let me rephrase: How long have you known this woman? How much of that time were you physically in the same country together? How much of that time have you been in different countries? jen "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:<c1fpbv$8ib$1@newsg3.svr.pol.co.uk>... Shiny, whilst in Budapest, it was great, a real love, we talked of
future children & she cried her heart out, as i did when i just had to leave
her for a fiew months for work, i packed my job in & returned after 2 weeks. All i want is the chance to show her that my therapy & problems i will
erase from my life & that we can communicate calmly & be cool. YES, I'M
GIVING HER SPACE, as i haven't yet, but she said 1 mail a week. I just hate
this bad vibes between us. If she was ill, i'd do anything for her & it wouldn't push me away, on
the contrary. I hope things will improve after time/space, they can't get worse, but i
do feel angry, & decieved, by her. NO, i don't just think of myself, i continually talk to my councellor
about the guilt i feel about putting my **** on her, even though it wasn't my fault, she knows i put others before myself, but this paranoia &
selfishness that i admit i have been are symptomatic of anxiety, that i hate & will
be eradicated. I just want to prove to her this. Thats all & who knows, she
may like it. Gary shinypenny <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:c8cb5319.0402231544.4bd7a0b1@posting.google.c om... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:<c1cp61$a56$1@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk>... > It's 1 year since we were there together living in Budapest, then
she was > crying for me when i leaft to come back home for a short time, now
she won't > take my calls or texts. > can someone spend 15 months of their lives with someone & > just erase it from their minds, i can't. She didn't "just" erase it from her mind. Apparently she's had a whole year to do that, no? Or am I not following your story correctly. jen

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:<c1ia8s$mbr$1@news7.svr.pol.co.uk>... I've known her now 19 months & we spent everyday, exept a fortnight together in Hungary, England & USA & we were in Hungary 4 months, 8 monnths in England & 2 & half months in USA, then i returned for visa reasons & she stayed to carry on her work for another 3 months. She's just returned & i leaft in November, so apart we have been for 4 months nearly, when i returned, most of what she said was not true. Anger deceit & frustration i have felt, but guilt & love also.

Well, I don't know if this will help you or not, but I think early
stage love (less than 4 years) produces chemicals/endorphins in your
brain that can be addictive. This is why early staage love feels so
good, why you can feel on top of the world, why you feel high when you
anticipate or see your lover. Different chemicals kick in later,
during the attachment phase, perhaps just as addictive but in a more
mellow way (your body acclimates and builds tolerance to the love
drug).

Having a lover reject you during this early stage is like forcing an
addict to go cold turkey. It is a physical response. In other words,
Gary, you're going through withdrawal! And it is just as painful to
you as a heroin addict withdrawing from crack, or a smoker giving up
cigarettes.

I offer that perspective because maybe it'll help you muddle through
this stage. Yeah, it sucks. I understand you're wanting her back so
much. Someday, you'll get through this and be clear-headed enough to
recognize she's treating you poorly and the high wasn't worth it.
While right now she looks good, you think you can't live without her,
and all you want is that high again, someday maybe you'll look back
and recognize that she was just a bad drug to become addicted to!

In the meantime, it would probably help you if you could lessen the
withdrawal symptoms and boost your own natural endorphins by taking up
exercise. Exercise, to the heartbroken, is like methadone is to the
heroin addict. Be good to yourself, and try to ease your suffering by
doing things that make you happy and calm, like indulging in your
favorite ice cream, chewing on carrots <grin>, meditating, doing yoga,
or just sleep it off.

This too will pass.

jen

On Wed, 25 Feb 2004 17:37:11 -0800, shinypenny wrote:

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:<c1ia8s$mbr$1@news7.svr.pol.co.uk>... I've known her now 19 months & we spent everyday, exept a fortnight together in Hungary, England & USA & we were in Hungary 4 months, 8 monnths in England & 2 & half months in USA, then i returned for visa reasons & she stayed to carry on her work for another 3 months. She's just returned & i leaft in November, so apart we have been for 4 months nearly, when i returned, most of what she said was not true. Anger deceit & frustration i have felt, but guilt & love also. Well, I don't know if this will help you or not, but I think early stage love (less than 4 years) produces chemicals/endorphins in your brain that can be addictive. This is why early staage love feels so good, why you can feel on top of the world, why you feel high when you anticipate or see your lover. Different chemicals kick in later, during the attachment phase, perhaps just as addictive but in a more mellow way (your body acclimates and builds tolerance to the love drug). Having a lover reject you during this early stage is like forcing an addict to go cold turkey. It is a physical response. In other words, Gary, you're going through withdrawal! And it is just as painful to you as a heroin addict withdrawing from crack, or a smoker giving up cigarettes. I offer that perspective because maybe it'll help you muddle through this stage. Yeah, it sucks. I understand you're wanting her back so much. Someday, you'll get through this and be clear-headed enough to recognize she's treating you poorly and the high wasn't worth it. While right now she looks good, you think you can't live without her, and all you want is that high again, someday maybe you'll look back and recognize that she was just a bad drug to become addicted to! In the meantime, it would probably help you if you could lessen the withdrawal symptoms and boost your own natural endorphins by taking up exercise. Exercise, to the heartbroken, is like methadone is to the heroin addict. Be good to yourself, and try to ease your suffering by doing things that make you happy and calm, like indulging in your favorite ice cream, chewing on carrots <grin>, meditating, doing yoga, or just sleep it off. This too will pass. jen

Jen, that was clearly one of the best explanations I have read of what
many people experience in the beginning phases of a physical/emotional
attachment to and for another. I can't say too many professionals would
necessarily agree, but I think your synopsis has real merit.

Diana

"Dr. Di" <dianakd@comcast.net> wrote in message news:<pan.2004.02.26.02.56.08.532183@comcast.net>...
Jen, that was clearly one of the best explanations I have read of what many people experience in the beginning phases of a physical/emotional attachment to and for another. I can't say too many professionals would necessarily agree, but I think your synopsis has real merit. Diana

Thanks, Diana!

I don't know either if there's any real scientific merit in the idea,
but it sure feels like withdrawal when you're going through it,
doesn't it? And I've seen enough love addicts going through withdrawal
on alt.support.divorce to believe there must be some truth in it. When
a break-up comes suddenly and as a surprise, the heart-broken all seem
to react in a very similar way: needy, clingy, desparate and very much
in pain. You can then watch over time as they eventually get over it.

At first I admit Gary's story kinda annoyed me... he does come across
as needy and desparate, but then I realized he's acting no different
than anyone else who'd goes through this sort of sudden rejection.
It's one thing if a relationship has been having troubles for years,
and you have time to figure out the break-up is coming. Quite another
when your loved one suddenly and without warning withdraws like that.
No matter *why* she chose to withdraw suddenly, it doesn't negate the
fact that Gary was taken by surprise and is being forced to go cold
turkey.

Hugs to you, Gary.

jen

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
i've lately turned to sleeping lots & taking tranquilisers, it uses up time & i feel no pain during sleep. I don't want closure, i want her know i want to go forward & finish the past, but to show her myself now, not the old me. I want her to see &mabe be attracted to a new me & a new future, not finish. She's had enough of me she says, well so have i. I want to show her a new person, just like a new person she may meet at a party!

Gary: you _aren't_ a new person. You are still the old you.

Are you getting psychiatric help? It seems clear (or as clear as it
can be to a layperson over the internet) that you are clinically
depressed.

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
I was feeling realy good about myself on the flight home from America, i had a positive attitude to getting home & treatment for my panic attacks, i was looking forward to carrying on with my job & cycling & playing soccer as i used to do & keeping touch with my girl & updating each other on what we are up to, i was looking forward to all this. Unfortunately it all went out of the window when i found she had decieved me, even though she believed that what she did was to help me!(more like help her), that her friends said this was good. I wasn't depressed, just anxious, but now i am depressed, but she doesn't want to hurt me & she wants me to be well, a great way of showing it. The more i right this the more anger i feel towards what she did & the stupid ***** we stayed with who threw me onto the street when i was feeling insecure & having panic attacks that were beyond my control & because she never experienced it before, instead of doing what my family would have done & made me feel secure & that put at ease.

You are blaming your problems on your (ex) girlfriend, and now on
whoever it was that you stayed with.
Doug, your right, i am worse, i'm now depressed, but i've worked lots on behavioral therapy that helps deal with the panic situations & i no longer touch alcohol & have had a lot of councelling, so in this way, i have changed, all i want now is for my depression to be lifted by my girl,who created it!, who i have reason to hate, to give me this oppertunity. Funny thing is, is that she says she has reason to hate me, for having a condition, i just want to be on nice speaking terms & talk about how things are, & what we've been doing, but she finds a problem with all of this, i've sent back to her letters of what she told me, that i'm always important to her & can visit her anytime, the things i looked at as a focus whilst in the early days of my therapy.


Neither your anxiety nor your depression are the fault of these
people. Your girlfriend did _not_ create your depression, and is not
responsible for lifting it!

You have to stop thinking about your girlfriend all the time and focus
on doing what _you_ can do to become a psychologically healther
person.

No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i was there & i was with
my girl &i would expect that they should understand an illness & not throw
me out or me in the bin.
I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto the street, i hope her
children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the street & how she may
feel then.
It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst there, i love doing all
sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a depressive person, but
the actions since i returned have made me depressed, the fact that the most
trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust & she has destroyed all
the trust i can have with anyone!
I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it get between us. If i
broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same?
I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the chance to show her i'm
still the person she was in love with & who knows. I can still be this new
person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the future, as she doesn't. But
i do concentrate on getting further better!
Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:j78yij5d1x.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: I was feeling realy good about myself on the flight home from America, i
had a positive attitude to getting home & treatment for my panic attacks, i
was looking forward to carrying on with my job & cycling & playing soccer as
i used to do & keeping touch with my girl & updating each other on what we
are up to, i was looking forward to all this. Unfortunately it all went out of the window when i found she
had decieved me, even though she believed that what she did was to help
me!(more like help her), that her friends said this was good. I wasn't depressed, just anxious, but now i am depressed, but she doesn't want to hurt me &
she wants me to be well, a great way of showing it. The more i right this
the more anger i feel towards what she did & the stupid ***** we stayed with
who threw me onto the street when i was feeling insecure & having panic
attacks that were beyond my control & because she never experienced it before, instead of doing what my family would have done & made me feel secure &
that put at ease. You are blaming your problems on your (ex) girlfriend, and now on whoever it was that you stayed with. Doug, your right, i am worse, i'm now depressed, but i've worked lots on behavioral therapy that helps deal with the panic situations & i no
longer touch alcohol & have had a lot of councelling, so in this way, i have changed, all i want now is for my depression to be lifted by my girl,who created it!, who i have reason to hate, to give me this oppertunity.
Funny thing is, is that she says she has reason to hate me, for having a condition, i just want to be on nice speaking terms & talk about how
things are, & what we've been doing, but she finds a problem with all of this,
i've sent back to her letters of what she told me, that i'm always important
to her & can visit her anytime, the things i looked at as a focus whilst in
the early days of my therapy. Neither your anxiety nor your depression are the fault of these people. Your girlfriend did _not_ create your depression, and is not responsible for lifting it! You have to stop thinking about your girlfriend all the time and focus on doing what _you_ can do to become a psychologically healther person.

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i was there & i was with my girl &i would expect that they should understand an illness & not throw me out or me in the bin. I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto the street, i hope her children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the street & how she may feel then. It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst there, i love doing all sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a depressive person, but the actions since i returned have made me depressed, the fact that the most trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust & she has destroyed all the trust i can have with anyone! I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it get between us. If i broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same? I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the chance to show her i'm still the person she was in love with & who knows. I can still be this new person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the future, as she doesn't. But i do concentrate on getting further better!

I am listening. But you have to stop perseverating about your
(former) girlfriend, your relationship with her, and how she treats
you.

Don't ask questions about "what if you had cancer or a broken leg."
Don't dwell on how she has destroyed your trust. All of these things
are focussing your problems on something external to yourself, which
is not appropriate.

I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel so
angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done, i just
can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as if i raped
her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium, this is causing
more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to hurt me & wants me to
be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her idea! I just say of
things i can't wait for (only things she said). I love her, but should hate
her, whats wrong? I'm just so much confused & she won't talk, after all we
did, i'm so upset!!
Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:u84qt7vvmz.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i was there & i was
with my girl &i would expect that they should understand an illness & not
throw me out or me in the bin. I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto the street, i hope
her children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the street & how she
may feel then. It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst there, i love doing
all sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a depressive person,
but the actions since i returned have made me depressed, the fact that the
most trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust & she has destroyed
all the trust i can have with anyone! I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it get between us.
If i broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same? I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the chance to show her i'm still the person she was in love with & who knows. I can still be this
new person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the future, as she doesn't.
But i do concentrate on getting further better! I am listening. But you have to stop perseverating about your (former) girlfriend, your relationship with her, and how she treats you. Don't ask questions about "what if you had cancer or a broken leg." Don't dwell on how she has destroyed your trust. All of these things are focussing your problems on something external to yourself, which is not appropriate.

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel so angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done, i just can't never understand it.

That is the thing, you don't _need_ to understand it. You just need
to do what she asked you to and leave her alone. _Don't_ call her,
_don't_ send text messages, emails, letters, or anything else.

_Do_ talk to your therapist about the part you play in making your
relstionships be what they are.
I only want to speak, but she acts as if i raped her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium, this is causing more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to hurt me & wants me to be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her idea!

Then mail her once a week if you want, but don't expect her to
respond.

gary <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote:
I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel so angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done, i just can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as if i raped her or something!,

Leave. Her. Alone.

LEAVE HER ALONE!

You are becoming a borderline stalker. Stop!

Gary,
It sounds like today has been a rough one for you.
What are some other things when you're this upset about *her* ? You can't
change how she's feeling right now. You can't make her respond...or respond
the way you want her to. What are some other things you can do? Who else
can you talk to? Can you call the folks at Samaritans? Here's their URL:
http://www.samaritans.org.uk/

Have you talked to your therapist today? Has your therapist given you some
#s for people who you can talk to if he or she is not available?
~Kimberlee



"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c25g76$j2$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk...
: I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel so
: angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done, i
just
: can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as if i
raped
: her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium, this is causing
: more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to hurt me & wants me
to
: be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her idea! I just say of
: things i can't wait for (only things she said). I love her, but should
hate
: her, whats wrong? I'm just so much confused & she won't talk, after all we
: did, i'm so upset!!
: Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
: news:u84qt7vvmz.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu...
: > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
: >
: > > No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i was there & i was
: with
: > > my girl &i would expect that they should understand an illness & not
: throw
: > > me out or me in the bin.
: > > I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto the street, i
hope
: her
: > > children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the street & how she
: may
: > > feel then.
: > > It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst there, i love
doing
: all
: > > sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a depressive person,
: but
: > > the actions since i returned have made me depressed, the fact that the
: most
: > > trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust & she has
destroyed
: all
: > > the trust i can have with anyone!
: > > I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it get between us.
: If i
: > > broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same?
: > > I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the chance to show her
i'm
: > > still the person she was in love with & who knows. I can still be this
: new
: > > person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the future, as she
doesn't.
: But
: > > i do concentrate on getting further better!
: >
: > I am listening. But you have to stop perseverating about your
: > (former) girlfriend, your relationship with her, and how she treats
: > you.
: >
: > Don't ask questions about "what if you had cancer or a broken leg."
: > Don't dwell on how she has destroyed your trust. All of these things
: > are focussing your problems on something external to yourself, which
: > is not appropriate.
:
:

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c25g76$j2$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk... I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel so angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done, i
just can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as if i
raped her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium, this is causing more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to hurt me & wants me
to be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her idea! I just say of things i can't wait for (only things she said). I love her, but should
hate her, whats wrong? I'm just so much confused & she won't talk, after all we did, i'm so upset!!

....the refugee from ASD is starting to get scared to get back in the dating
pool again!

"Emma Anne" <mbjq@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:1ga2zaw.12clj04e8xsvpN%mbjq@earthlink.net... gary <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote: I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel so angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done, i
just can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as if i
raped her or something!, Leave. Her. Alone. LEAVE HER ALONE! You are becoming a borderline stalker. Stop!

http://www.despair.com/persistence.html

"DrLith" <drlith@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<c26ib8$1oe4tq$1@ID-132000.news.uni-berlin.de>... "Emma Anne" <mbjq@earthlink.net> wrote in message news:1ga2zaw.12clj04e8xsvpN%mbjq@earthlink.net... gary <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote: I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel so angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done, i just can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as if i raped her or something!, Leave. Her. Alone. LEAVE HER ALONE! You are becoming a borderline stalker. Stop! http://www.despair.com/persistence.html

It always amazes me what people come up with. I checked out that
website and it was awesome. I loved the decals for the paper
shredder. I'm going to order some for my husband's office.

Caren <caren50@msn.com> wrote:
"DrLith" <drlith@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:<c26ib8$1oe4tq$1@ID-132000.news.uni-berlin.de>... "Emma Anne" <mbjq@earthlink.net> wrote in message news:1ga2zaw.12clj04e8xsvpN%mbjq@earthlink.net... gary <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote: > I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel so > angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done, i just > can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as if i raped > her or something!, Leave. Her. Alone. LEAVE HER ALONE! You are becoming a borderline stalker. Stop! http://www.despair.com/persistence.html It always amazes me what people come up with. I checked out that website and it was awesome. I loved the decals for the paper shredder. I'm going to order some for my husband's office.

I got the calendar for my office last year. I put it where clients
wouldn't see it, in case they didn't share my black sense of humor, but
I got quite a few quiet giggles out of it.

"Get to Work! You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your
dreams." :-)

BUT IT WAS HER IDEA !!, all i did was become ill & can't function in this
daily turmoil!
Emma Anne <mbjq@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:1ga2zaw.12clj04e8xsvpN%mbjq@earthlink.net... gary <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote: I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel so angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done, i
just can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as if i
raped her or something!, Leave. Her. Alone. LEAVE HER ALONE! You are becoming a borderline stalker. Stop!

I just feel, i'm the guilty one in the wrong & i'm being made to pay, i'm
the loyal one that other relationships don't have!, i'm the sensitive caring
type, who would do anything for her & be there if she was ill, i'm the one
lied to & has had a friend poisoned againsed me & i am the one that gets no
replys or answers.
BUT, i'm also the one accused of being a stalker in this thread & that i
should leave her & that it's my fault. Mabe i should be a right bastard to
women & treat them like **** & then i may be liked & respected & people may
understand my side!

Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1078381583.503003@prawn... Gary, It sounds like today has been a rough one for you. What are some other things when you're this upset about *her* ? You can't change how she's feeling right now. You can't make her respond...or
respond the way you want her to. What are some other things you can do? Who else can you talk to? Can you call the folks at Samaritans? Here's their URL: http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ Have you talked to your therapist today? Has your therapist given you
some #s for people who you can talk to if he or she is not available? ~Kimberlee "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:c25g76$j2$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk... : I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel so : angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done, i just : can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as if i raped : her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium, this is
causing : more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to hurt me & wants
me to : be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her idea! I just say
of : things i can't wait for (only things she said). I love her, but should hate : her, whats wrong? I'm just so much confused & she won't talk, after all
we : did, i'm so upset!! : Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message : news:u84qt7vvmz.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu... : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: : > : > > No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i was there & i
was : with : > > my girl &i would expect that they should understand an illness & not : throw : > > me out or me in the bin. : > > I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto the street, i hope : her : > > children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the street & how
she : may : > > feel then. : > > It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst there, i love doing : all : > > sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a depressive
person, : but : > > the actions since i returned have made me depressed, the fact that
the : most : > > trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust & she has destroyed : all : > > the trust i can have with anyone! : > > I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it get between
us. : If i : > > broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same? : > > I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the chance to show her i'm : > > still the person she was in love with & who knows. I can still be
this : new : > > person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the future, as she doesn't. : But : > > i do concentrate on getting further better! : > : > I am listening. But you have to stop perseverating about your : > (former) girlfriend, your relationship with her, and how she treats : > you. : > : > Don't ask questions about "what if you had cancer or a broken leg." : > Don't dwell on how she has destroyed your trust. All of these things : > are focussing your problems on something external to yourself, which : > is not appropriate. : :

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c28db3$9bk$2@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk... I just feel, i'm the guilty one in the wrong & i'm being made to pay,
i'm the loyal one that other relationships don't have!, i'm the sensitive
caring type, who would do anything for her & be there if she was ill, i'm the
one lied to & has had a friend poisoned againsed me & i am the one that gets
no replys or answers. BUT, i'm also the one accused of being a stalker in this thread &
that i should leave her & that it's my fault. Mabe i should be a right bastard
to women & treat them like **** & then i may be liked & respected & people
may understand my side!

Seems to me you're already doing the tactic of acting like a bastard and
treating your ex like ****. It's not paying off is it? She hasn't come
running after all your ill treatment of her.

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
I just feel, i'm the guilty one in the wrong & i'm being made to pay, i'm the loyal one that other relationships don't have!, i'm the sensitive caring type, who would do anything for her & be there if she was ill, i'm the one lied to & has had a friend poisoned againsed me & i am the one that gets no replys or answers.

It really doesn't matter who is the "guilty one." You need to stay
away from her. She has asked you to do this already, and you need to
respect that, period.

The more time you spend obsessing about the relationship, trying to
find ways to contact your ex, and blaming others for what has
happened, the worse it will be for you.
BUT, i'm also the one accused of being a stalker in this thread & that i should leave her & that it's my fault. Mabe i should be a right bastard to women & treat them like **** & then i may be liked & respected & people may understand my side!

You _are_ treating her like ****. She wants you to leave her alone,
and you are trying to find ways around that. You are also blaming her
for the feelings you are experiencing.

You _really, really_ need to be getting therapy.

Gary,
It sounds like this is really hard for you to accept, and I admire you for
trying to figure everything out.
Some things, though...have no answer. Right now, you won't find an answer
from her.
Perhaps she's not trying to make you pay? Perhaps what she wants is just to
be left alone.
Perhaps you won't get any reply or answer from her.
What else can you do?
~Kimberlee

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c28db3$9bk$2@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk...
: I just feel, i'm the guilty one in the wrong & i'm being made to pay, i'm
: the loyal one that other relationships don't have!, i'm the sensitive
caring
: type, who would do anything for her & be there if she was ill, i'm the one
: lied to & has had a friend poisoned againsed me & i am the one that gets
no
: replys or answers.
: BUT, i'm also the one accused of being a stalker in this thread & that
i
: should leave her & that it's my fault. Mabe i should be a right bastard
to
: women & treat them like **** & then i may be liked & respected & people
may
: understand my side!
:
: Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
: news:1078381583.503003@prawn...
: > Gary,
: > It sounds like today has been a rough one for you.
: > What are some other things when you're this upset about *her* ? You
can't
: > change how she's feeling right now. You can't make her respond...or
: respond
: > the way you want her to. What are some other things you can do? Who
else
: > can you talk to? Can you call the folks at Samaritans? Here's their
URL:
: > http://www.samaritans.org.uk/
: >
: > Have you talked to your therapist today? Has your therapist given you
: some
: > #s for people who you can talk to if he or she is not available?
: > ~Kimberlee
: >
: >
: >
: > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
: > news:c25g76$j2$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk...
: > : I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel
so
: > : angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done, i
: > just
: > : can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as if i
: > raped
: > : her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium, this is
: causing
: > : more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to hurt me & wants
: me
: > to
: > : be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her idea! I just
say
: of
: > : things i can't wait for (only things she said). I love her, but should
: > hate
: > : her, whats wrong? I'm just so much confused & she won't talk, after
all
: we
: > : did, i'm so upset!!
: > : Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
: > : news:u84qt7vvmz.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu...
: > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
: > : >
: > : > > No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i was there & i
: was
: > : with
: > : > > my girl &i would expect that they should understand an illness &
not
: > : throw
: > : > > me out or me in the bin.
: > : > > I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto the street,
i
: > hope
: > : her
: > : > > children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the street & how
: she
: > : may
: > : > > feel then.
: > : > > It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst there, i love
: > doing
: > : all
: > : > > sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a depressive
: person,
: > : but
: > : > > the actions since i returned have made me depressed, the fact that
: the
: > : most
: > : > > trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust & she has
: > destroyed
: > : all
: > : > > the trust i can have with anyone!
: > : > > I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it get between
: us.
: > : If i
: > : > > broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same?
: > : > > I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the chance to show
her
: > i'm
: > : > > still the person she was in love with & who knows. I can still be
: this
: > : new
: > : > > person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the future, as she
: > doesn't.
: > : But
: > : > > i do concentrate on getting further better!
: > : >
: > : > I am listening. But you have to stop perseverating about your
: > : > (former) girlfriend, your relationship with her, and how she treats
: > : > you.
: > : >
: > : > Don't ask questions about "what if you had cancer or a broken leg."
: > : > Don't dwell on how she has destroyed your trust. All of these
things
: > : > are focussing your problems on something external to yourself, which
: > : > is not appropriate.
: > :
: > :
: >
: >
: >
:
:

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:<c28db2$9bk$1@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk>... BUT IT WAS HER IDEA !!, all i did was become ill & can't function in this daily turmoil!

Your daily turmoil, Gary, is wholly self-created. Think about that.
You have the power to end your pain and frustration, your roller
coaster of emotions, NOW. All you need to do is refrain from calling
her, emailing her, contacting her in anyway. Because when you do
contact her, you get rejected and that only perpetuates your pain and
sends you reeling again.

IOW, her rejection is not the issue anymore; it's your constant
seeking of her rejection, by contacting her, that is the problem.

jen

Thats true, but i trusted her & believed her words to me & i'm so frustrated
& angry but in love also!
I just hope she gets in contact soon, at least just to talk!
shinypenny <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:c8cb5319.0403050654.25517e7a@posting.google.c om... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:<c28db2$9bk$1@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk>... BUT IT WAS HER IDEA !!, all i did was become ill & can't function in
this daily turmoil! Your daily turmoil, Gary, is wholly self-created. Think about that. You have the power to end your pain and frustration, your roller coaster of emotions, NOW. All you need to do is refrain from calling her, emailing her, contacting her in anyway. Because when you do contact her, you get rejected and that only perpetuates your pain and sends you reeling again. IOW, her rejection is not the issue anymore; it's your constant seeking of her rejection, by contacting her, that is the problem. jen

She's not stupid, i never meant to be ill kim, she knows i'm caring & loyal
& believe it or not, romantic & funny when i'm happy, but this hurts. She
has to feel a small amount of pain also, could you be with someone for our
time & not miss them, my illness just leaft a bad taste & i want to fix it,
i just hope she contacts me soon, she promised me this, butv mabe trusting
people in this world is wrong.
Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1078467681.323692@prawn... Gary, It sounds like this is really hard for you to accept, and I admire you for trying to figure everything out. Some things, though...have no answer. Right now, you won't find an answer from her. Perhaps she's not trying to make you pay? Perhaps what she wants is just
to be left alone. Perhaps you won't get any reply or answer from her. What else can you do? ~Kimberlee "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:c28db3$9bk$2@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk... : I just feel, i'm the guilty one in the wrong & i'm being made to pay,
i'm : the loyal one that other relationships don't have!, i'm the sensitive caring : type, who would do anything for her & be there if she was ill, i'm the
one : lied to & has had a friend poisoned againsed me & i am the one that gets no : replys or answers. : BUT, i'm also the one accused of being a stalker in this thread &
that i : should leave her & that it's my fault. Mabe i should be a right bastard to : women & treat them like **** & then i may be liked & respected & people may : understand my side! : : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message : news:1078381583.503003@prawn... : > Gary, : > It sounds like today has been a rough one for you. : > What are some other things when you're this upset about *her* ? You can't : > change how she's feeling right now. You can't make her respond...or : respond : > the way you want her to. What are some other things you can do? Who else : > can you talk to? Can you call the folks at Samaritans? Here's their URL: : > http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ : > : > Have you talked to your therapist today? Has your therapist given you : some : > #s for people who you can talk to if he or she is not available? : > ~Kimberlee : > : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message : > news:c25g76$j2$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk... : > : I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel so : > : angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done,
i : > just : > : can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as if
i : > raped : > : her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium, this is : causing : > : more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to hurt me &
wants : me : > to : > : be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her idea! I just say : of : > : things i can't wait for (only things she said). I love her, but
should : > hate : > : her, whats wrong? I'm just so much confused & she won't talk, after all : we : > : did, i'm so upset!! : > : Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message : > : news:u84qt7vvmz.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu... : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: : > : > : > : > > No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i was there &
i : was : > : with : > : > > my girl &i would expect that they should understand an illness & not : > : throw : > : > > me out or me in the bin. : > : > > I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto the
street, i : > hope : > : her : > : > > children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the street &
how : she : > : may : > : > > feel then. : > : > > It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst there, i
love : > doing : > : all : > : > > sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a depressive : person, : > : but : > : > > the actions since i returned have made me depressed, the fact
that : the : > : most : > : > > trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust & she has : > destroyed : > : all : > : > > the trust i can have with anyone! : > : > > I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it get
between : us. : > : If i : > : > > broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same? : > : > > I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the chance to show her : > i'm : > : > > still the person she was in love with & who knows. I can still
be : this : > : new : > : > > person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the future, as she : > doesn't. : > : But : > : > > i do concentrate on getting further better! : > : > : > : > I am listening. But you have to stop perseverating about your : > : > (former) girlfriend, your relationship with her, and how she
treats : > : > you. : > : > : > : > Don't ask questions about "what if you had cancer or a broken
leg." : > : > Don't dwell on how she has destroyed your trust. All of these things : > : > are focussing your problems on something external to yourself,
which : > : > is not appropriate. : > : : > : : > : > : > : :

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
She's not stupid, i never meant to be ill kim, she knows i'm caring & loyal & believe it or not, romantic & funny when i'm happy, but this hurts. She has to feel a small amount of pain also, could you be with someone for our time & not miss them, my illness just leaft a bad taste & i want to fix it, i just hope she contacts me soon, she promised me this, butv mabe trusting people in this world is wrong.

Gary:

It doesn't matter if you meant to be ill or not. If you hurt and/or
scared her she has a right to want you to now leave her alone.

Furthermore, your oscillations between how much you love her (on the
one hand) and how badly she is treating you and how she wants you to
suffer (on the other hand) suggest that you are still too mentally ill
to be in a healthy relationship with someone. Deal with that first.

The opposit of love isn't hate, it is indifference.
Mabe i'm a bit complex about this. We both have good reason to hate each
other, hey!!, so why not be in love. **** happens. I just hope, because i
believe in this!
Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:dtm2c.495170$na.1169994@attbi_s04... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: She's not stupid, i never meant to be ill kim, she knows i'm caring &
loyal & believe it or not, romantic & funny when i'm happy, but this hurts.
She has to feel a small amount of pain also, could you be with someone for
our time & not miss them, my illness just leaft a bad taste & i want to fix
it, i just hope she contacts me soon, she promised me this, butv mabe
trusting people in this world is wrong. Gary: It doesn't matter if you meant to be ill or not. If you hurt and/or scared her she has a right to want you to now leave her alone. Furthermore, your oscillations between how much you love her (on the one hand) and how badly she is treating you and how she wants you to suffer (on the other hand) suggest that you are still too mentally ill to be in a healthy relationship with someone. Deal with that first.

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
The opposit of love isn't hate, it is indifference.

That's quite true.
Mabe i'm a bit complex about this. We both have good reason to hate each other, hey!!, so why not be in love.

But oscillating between love and hate, while not incredibly unusual is
still very unhealthy.

More to the point, she's made it very clear you need to leave her
alone now.

On Sat, 06 Mar 2004 22:43:07 GMT, Doug Anderson
<ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote:
"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: The opposit of love isn't hate, it is indifference.That's quite true. Mabe i'm a bit complex about this. We both have good reason to hate each other, hey!!, so why not be in love.But oscillating between love and hate, while not incredibly unusual isstill very unhealthy.More to the point, she's made it very clear you need to leave heralone now.

Why would anyone want to be around a person who doesn't want them?

Gary,
You haven't answered my question, which I think would help you think about
you...not her.
What else can you do when you're feeling this way?
Who can you talk to?
What activities can you do to keep you busy?
Are there any groups in town for those experiencing the break-up of a
relationship?
~Kimberlee


"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c2cep2$i8j$2@news8.svr.pol.co.uk...
: She's not stupid, i never meant to be ill kim, she knows i'm caring &
loyal
: & believe it or not, romantic & funny when i'm happy, but this hurts. She
: has to feel a small amount of pain also, could you be with someone for our
: time & not miss them, my illness just leaft a bad taste & i want to fix
it,
: i just hope she contacts me soon, she promised me this, butv mabe trusting
: people in this world is wrong.
: Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
: news:1078467681.323692@prawn...
: > Gary,
: > It sounds like this is really hard for you to accept, and I admire you
for
: > trying to figure everything out.
: > Some things, though...have no answer. Right now, you won't find an
answer
: > from her.
: > Perhaps she's not trying to make you pay? Perhaps what she wants is
just
: to
: > be left alone.
: > Perhaps you won't get any reply or answer from her.
: > What else can you do?
: > ~Kimberlee
: >
: > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
: > news:c28db3$9bk$2@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk...
: > : I just feel, i'm the guilty one in the wrong & i'm being made to pay,
: i'm
: > : the loyal one that other relationships don't have!, i'm the sensitive
: > caring
: > : type, who would do anything for her & be there if she was ill, i'm the
: one
: > : lied to & has had a friend poisoned againsed me & i am the one that
gets
: > no
: > : replys or answers.
: > : BUT, i'm also the one accused of being a stalker in this thread &
: that
: > i
: > : should leave her & that it's my fault. Mabe i should be a right
bastard
: > to
: > : women & treat them like **** & then i may be liked & respected &
people
: > may
: > : understand my side!
: > :
: > : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
: > : news:1078381583.503003@prawn...
: > : > Gary,
: > : > It sounds like today has been a rough one for you.
: > : > What are some other things when you're this upset about *her* ? You
: > can't
: > : > change how she's feeling right now. You can't make her respond...or
: > : respond
: > : > the way you want her to. What are some other things you can do?
Who
: > else
: > : > can you talk to? Can you call the folks at Samaritans? Here's
their
: > URL:
: > : > http://www.samaritans.org.uk/
: > : >
: > : > Have you talked to your therapist today? Has your therapist given
you
: > : some
: > : > #s for people who you can talk to if he or she is not available?
: > : > ~Kimberlee
: > : >
: > : >
: > : >
: > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
: > : > news:c25g76$j2$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk...
: > : > : I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i
feel
: > so
: > : > : angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we
done,
: i
: > : > just
: > : > : can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as
if
: i
: > : > raped
: > : > : her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium, this is
: > : causing
: > : > : more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to hurt me &
: wants
: > : me
: > : > to
: > : > : be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her idea! I
just
: > say
: > : of
: > : > : things i can't wait for (only things she said). I love her, but
: should
: > : > hate
: > : > : her, whats wrong? I'm just so much confused & she won't talk,
after
: > all
: > : we
: > : > : did, i'm so upset!!
: > : > : Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
: > : > : news:u84qt7vvmz.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu...
: > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
: > : > : >
: > : > : > > No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i was there
&
: i
: > : was
: > : > : with
: > : > : > > my girl &i would expect that they should understand an illness
&
: > not
: > : > : throw
: > : > : > > me out or me in the bin.
: > : > : > > I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto the
: street,
: > i
: > : > hope
: > : > : her
: > : > : > > children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the street &
: how
: > : she
: > : > : may
: > : > : > > feel then.
: > : > : > > It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst there, i
: love
: > : > doing
: > : > : all
: > : > : > > sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a depressive
: > : person,
: > : > : but
: > : > : > > the actions since i returned have made me depressed, the fact
: that
: > : the
: > : > : most
: > : > : > > trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust & she has
: > : > destroyed
: > : > : all
: > : > : > > the trust i can have with anyone!
: > : > : > > I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it get
: between
: > : us.
: > : > : If i
: > : > : > > broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same?
: > : > : > > I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the chance to
show
: > her
: > : > i'm
: > : > : > > still the person she was in love with & who knows. I can still
: be
: > : this
: > : > : new
: > : > : > > person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the future, as she
: > : > doesn't.
: > : > : But
: > : > : > > i do concentrate on getting further better!
: > : > : >
: > : > : > I am listening. But you have to stop perseverating about your
: > : > : > (former) girlfriend, your relationship with her, and how she
: treats
: > : > : > you.
: > : > : >
: > : > : > Don't ask questions about "what if you had cancer or a broken
: leg."
: > : > : > Don't dwell on how she has destroyed your trust. All of these
: > things
: > : > : > are focussing your problems on something external to yourself,
: which
: > : > : > is not appropriate.
: > : > :
: > : > :
: > : >
: > : >
: > : >
: > :
: > :
: >
: >
:
:

"Kimberlee" <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<1078635813.710085@prawn>... Gary, You haven't answered my question, which I think would help you think about you...not her. What else can you do when you're feeling this way? Who can you talk to? What activities can you do to keep you busy? Are there any groups in town for those experiencing the break-up of a relationship? ~Kimberlee "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:c2cep2$i8j$2@news8.svr.pol.co.uk... : She's not stupid, i never meant to be ill kim, she knows i'm caring & loyal : & believe it or not, romantic & funny when i'm happy, but this hurts. She : has to feel a small amount of pain also, could you be with someone for our : time & not miss them, my illness just leaft a bad taste & i want to fix it, : i just hope she contacts me soon, she promised me this, butv mabe trusting : people in this world is wrong. : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message : news:1078467681.323692@prawn... : > Gary, : > It sounds like this is really hard for you to accept, and I admire you for : > trying to figure everything out. : > Some things, though...have no answer. Right now, you won't find an answer : > from her. : > Perhaps she's not trying to make you pay? Perhaps what she wants is just to : > be left alone. : > Perhaps you won't get any reply or answer from her. : > What else can you do? : > ~Kimberlee : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message : > news:c28db3$9bk$2@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk... : > : I just feel, i'm the guilty one in the wrong & i'm being made to pay, i'm : > : the loyal one that other relationships don't have!, i'm the sensitive caring : > : type, who would do anything for her & be there if she was ill, i'm the one : > : lied to & has had a friend poisoned againsed me & i am the one that gets no : > : replys or answers. : > : BUT, i'm also the one accused of being a stalker in this thread & that i : > : should leave her & that it's my fault. Mabe i should be a right bastard to : > : women & treat them like **** & then i may be liked & respected & people may : > : understand my side! : > : : > : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message : > : news:1078381583.503003@prawn... : > : > Gary, : > : > It sounds like today has been a rough one for you. : > : > What are some other things when you're this upset about *her* ? You can't : > : > change how she's feeling right now. You can't make her respond...or respond : > : > the way you want her to. What are some other things you can do? Who else : > : > can you talk to? Can you call the folks at Samaritans? Here's their URL: : > : > http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ : > : > : > : > Have you talked to your therapist today? Has your therapist given you some : > : > #s for people who you can talk to if he or she is not available? : > : > ~Kimberlee : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message : > : > news:c25g76$j2$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk... : > : > : I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel so : > : > : angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done, i just : > : > : can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as if i raped : > : > : her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium, this is causing : > : > : more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to hurt me & wants me to : > : > : be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her idea! I just say of : > : > : things i can't wait for (only things she said). I love her, but should hate : > : > : her, whats wrong? I'm just so much confused & she won't talk, after all we : > : > : did, i'm so upset!! : > : > : Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message : > : > : news:u84qt7vvmz.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu... : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: : > : > : > : > : > : > > No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i was there & i was with : > : > : > > my girl &i would expect that they should understand an illness & not throw : > : > : > > me out or me in the bin. : > : > : > > I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto the street, i hope her : > : > : > > children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the street & how she may : > : > : > > feel then. : > : > : > > It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst there, i love doing all : > : > : > > sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a depressive person, but : > : > : > > the actions since i returned have made me depressed, the fact that the most : > : > : > > trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust & she has destroyed all : > : > : > > the trust i can have with anyone! : > : > : > > I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it get between us. If i : > : > : > > broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same? : > : > : > > I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the chance to show her i'm : > : > : > > still the person she was in love with & who knows. I can still be this new : > : > : > > person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the future, as she doesn't. But : > : > : > > i do concentrate on getting further better! : > : > : > : > : > : > I am listening. But you have to stop perseverating about your : > : > : > (former) girlfriend, your relationship with her, and how she treats : > : > : > you. : > : > : > : > : > : > Don't ask questions about "what if you had cancer or a broken leg." : > : > : > Don't dwell on how she has destroyed your trust. All of these things : > : > : > are focussing your problems on something external to yourself, which : > : > : > is not appropriate. : > : > : : > : > : : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : : > : : > : > :Gary: Never stand begging for that which you have the power to earn.

- Miguel de Cervantes :

There's a councellor i talk to & a psychologist i'm in a list to see.
Yes, i leave her, just certain things i see or do whilst i indulge in my
cycling or whatever. Using the computer & venting here helps, i just think
of her & what she is doing & my negative thoughts trigger my anxiety, i take
an anti anxiety drug & time is healing, but somehow i don't want to get her
out of my mind, & i'm sure she thinks of me, after all we been through. If i
forget, i'l be moving on & i'l always have her in my heart!
Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1078635813.710085@prawn... Gary, You haven't answered my question, which I think would help you think about you...not her. What else can you do when you're feeling this way? Who can you talk to? What activities can you do to keep you busy? Are there any groups in town for those experiencing the break-up of a relationship? ~Kimberlee "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:c2cep2$i8j$2@news8.svr.pol.co.uk... : She's not stupid, i never meant to be ill kim, she knows i'm caring & loyal : & believe it or not, romantic & funny when i'm happy, but this hurts.
She : has to feel a small amount of pain also, could you be with someone for
our : time & not miss them, my illness just leaft a bad taste & i want to fix it, : i just hope she contacts me soon, she promised me this, butv mabe
trusting : people in this world is wrong. : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message : news:1078467681.323692@prawn... : > Gary, : > It sounds like this is really hard for you to accept, and I admire you for : > trying to figure everything out. : > Some things, though...have no answer. Right now, you won't find an answer : > from her. : > Perhaps she's not trying to make you pay? Perhaps what she wants is just : to : > be left alone. : > Perhaps you won't get any reply or answer from her. : > What else can you do? : > ~Kimberlee : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message : > news:c28db3$9bk$2@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk... : > : I just feel, i'm the guilty one in the wrong & i'm being made to
pay, : i'm : > : the loyal one that other relationships don't have!, i'm the
sensitive : > caring : > : type, who would do anything for her & be there if she was ill, i'm
the : one : > : lied to & has had a friend poisoned againsed me & i am the one that gets : > no : > : replys or answers. : > : BUT, i'm also the one accused of being a stalker in this thread & : that : > i : > : should leave her & that it's my fault. Mabe i should be a right bastard : > to : > : women & treat them like **** & then i may be liked & respected & people : > may : > : understand my side! : > : : > : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message : > : news:1078381583.503003@prawn... : > : > Gary, : > : > It sounds like today has been a rough one for you. : > : > What are some other things when you're this upset about *her* ?
You : > can't : > : > change how she's feeling right now. You can't make her
respond...or : > : respond : > : > the way you want her to. What are some other things you can do? Who : > else : > : > can you talk to? Can you call the folks at Samaritans? Here's their : > URL: : > : > http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ : > : > : > : > Have you talked to your therapist today? Has your therapist given you : > : some : > : > #s for people who you can talk to if he or she is not available? : > : > ~Kimberlee : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message : > : > news:c25g76$j2$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk... : > : > : I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off, i feel : > so : > : > : angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we done, : i : > : > just : > : > : can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts as if : i : > : > raped : > : > : her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium, this
is : > : causing : > : > : more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to hurt me & : wants : > : me : > : > to : > : > : be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her idea! I just : > say : > : of : > : > : things i can't wait for (only things she said). I love her, but : should : > : > hate : > : > : her, whats wrong? I'm just so much confused & she won't talk, after : > all : > : we : > : > : did, i'm so upset!! : > : > : Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message : > : > : news:u84qt7vvmz.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu... : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: : > : > : > : > : > : > > No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i was
there & : i : > : was : > : > : with : > : > : > > my girl &i would expect that they should understand an
illness & : > not : > : > : throw : > : > : > > me out or me in the bin. : > : > : > > I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto the : street, : > i : > : > hope : > : > : her : > : > : > > children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the street
& : how : > : she : > : > : may : > : > : > > feel then. : > : > : > > It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst there,
i : love : > : > doing : > : > : all : > : > : > > sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a
depressive : > : person, : > : > : but : > : > : > > the actions since i returned have made me depressed, the
fact : that : > : the : > : > : most : > : > : > > trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust & she
has : > : > destroyed : > : > : all : > : > : > > the trust i can have with anyone! : > : > : > > I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it get : between : > : us. : > : > : If i : > : > : > > broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same? : > : > : > > I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the chance to show : > her : > : > i'm : > : > : > > still the person she was in love with & who knows. I can
still : be : > : this : > : > : new : > : > : > > person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the future, as
she : > : > doesn't. : > : > : But : > : > : > > i do concentrate on getting further better! : > : > : > : > : > : > I am listening. But you have to stop perseverating about your : > : > : > (former) girlfriend, your relationship with her, and how she : treats : > : > : > you. : > : > : > : > : > : > Don't ask questions about "what if you had cancer or a broken : leg." : > : > : > Don't dwell on how she has destroyed your trust. All of these : > things : > : > : > are focussing your problems on something external to yourself, : which : > : > : > is not appropriate. : > : > : : > : > : : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : : > : : > : > : :

Gary, keep talking to folks.
It's natural that she's going to come to mind from time to time.
Right now, it is very important for you to be aware of what you are
thinking, and if it's not healthy for you, to change your thoughts. This
may take some practice, and perhaps your counselor can help you do this.
I'm glad that you recognize that your negative thoughts trigger your
anxiety. At some point, you are going to ask yourself, is it worth it to
allow myself to stay stuck in these negative thoughts, and the answer is
going to be no. That's when you are going to be able to let go of the
negative thoughts and instead, think of healthier thoughts.

Give yourself permission to say "I'm not going to think about her right
now...I'm going to...<fill in the blank>" While you don't want to get her
out of your mind right now <I think that's pretty natural>, it's not healthy
for you to sit and dwell...and dwell...and dwell. Part of healing is
grieving, and part of healing is moving... You won't ever forget; you
*will* learn to accept what has happened, incorporate it into your life, and
move on. It will take time, and some days will be better than others, but
you can heal.

Keep talking with your counselor! It sounds like you are in a better space
today, and I'm glad to hear that.
~Kimberlee


"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c2ghfh$ddg$1@news7.svr.pol.co.uk...
: There's a councellor i talk to & a psychologist i'm in a list to see.
: Yes, i leave her, just certain things i see or do whilst i indulge in my
: cycling or whatever. Using the computer & venting here helps, i just think
: of her & what she is doing & my negative thoughts trigger my anxiety, i
take
: an anti anxiety drug & time is healing, but somehow i don't want to get
her
: out of my mind, & i'm sure she thinks of me, after all we been through. If
i
: forget, i'l be moving on & i'l always have her in my heart!
: Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
: news:1078635813.710085@prawn...
: > Gary,
: > You haven't answered my question, which I think would help you think
about
: > you...not her.
: > What else can you do when you're feeling this way?
: > Who can you talk to?
: > What activities can you do to keep you busy?
: > Are there any groups in town for those experiencing the break-up of a
: > relationship?
: > ~Kimberlee
: >
: >
: > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
: > news:c2cep2$i8j$2@news8.svr.pol.co.uk...
: > : She's not stupid, i never meant to be ill kim, she knows i'm caring &
: > loyal
: > : & believe it or not, romantic & funny when i'm happy, but this hurts.
: She
: > : has to feel a small amount of pain also, could you be with someone for
: our
: > : time & not miss them, my illness just leaft a bad taste & i want to
fix
: > it,
: > : i just hope she contacts me soon, she promised me this, butv mabe
: trusting
: > : people in this world is wrong.
: > : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
: > : news:1078467681.323692@prawn...
: > : > Gary,
: > : > It sounds like this is really hard for you to accept, and I admire
you
: > for
: > : > trying to figure everything out.
: > : > Some things, though...have no answer. Right now, you won't find an
: > answer
: > : > from her.
: > : > Perhaps she's not trying to make you pay? Perhaps what she wants is
: > just
: > : to
: > : > be left alone.
: > : > Perhaps you won't get any reply or answer from her.
: > : > What else can you do?
: > : > ~Kimberlee
: > : >
: > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
: > : > news:c28db3$9bk$2@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk...
: > : > : I just feel, i'm the guilty one in the wrong & i'm being made to
: pay,
: > : i'm
: > : > : the loyal one that other relationships don't have!, i'm the
: sensitive
: > : > caring
: > : > : type, who would do anything for her & be there if she was ill, i'm
: the
: > : one
: > : > : lied to & has had a friend poisoned againsed me & i am the one
that
: > gets
: > : > no
: > : > : replys or answers.
: > : > : BUT, i'm also the one accused of being a stalker in this thread
&
: > : that
: > : > i
: > : > : should leave her & that it's my fault. Mabe i should be a right
: > bastard
: > : > to
: > : > : women & treat them like **** & then i may be liked & respected &
: > people
: > : > may
: > : > : understand my side!
: > : > :
: > : > : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
: > : > : news:1078381583.503003@prawn...
: > : > : > Gary,
: > : > : > It sounds like today has been a rough one for you.
: > : > : > What are some other things when you're this upset about *her* ?
: You
: > : > can't
: > : > : > change how she's feeling right now. You can't make her
: respond...or
: > : > : respond
: > : > : > the way you want her to. What are some other things you can do?
: > Who
: > : > else
: > : > : > can you talk to? Can you call the folks at Samaritans? Here's
: > their
: > : > URL:
: > : > : > http://www.samaritans.org.uk/
: > : > : >
: > : > : > Have you talked to your therapist today? Has your therapist
given
: > you
: > : > : some
: > : > : > #s for people who you can talk to if he or she is not available?
: > : > : > ~Kimberlee
: > : > : >
: > : > : >
: > : > : >
: > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
: > : > : > news:c25g76$j2$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk...
: > : > : > : I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone off,
i
: > feel
: > : > so
: > : > : > : angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all we
: > done,
: > : i
: > : > : > just
: > : > : > : can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she acts
as
: > if
: > : i
: > : > : > raped
: > : > : > : her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium, this
: is
: > : > : causing
: > : > : > : more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to hurt me
&
: > : wants
: > : > : me
: > : > : > to
: > : > : > : be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her idea! I
: > just
: > : > say
: > : > : of
: > : > : > : things i can't wait for (only things she said). I love her,
but
: > : should
: > : > : > hate
: > : > : > : her, whats wrong? I'm just so much confused & she won't talk,
: > after
: > : > all
: > : > : we
: > : > : > : did, i'm so upset!!
: > : > : > : Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
: > : > : > : news:u84qt7vvmz.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu...
: > : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
: > : > : > : >
: > : > : > : > > No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i was
: there
: > &
: > : i
: > : > : was
: > : > : > : with
: > : > : > : > > my girl &i would expect that they should understand an
: illness
: > &
: > : > not
: > : > : > : throw
: > : > : > : > > me out or me in the bin.
: > : > : > : > > I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto the
: > : street,
: > : > i
: > : > : > hope
: > : > : > : her
: > : > : > : > > children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the
street
: &
: > : how
: > : > : she
: > : > : > : may
: > : > : > : > > feel then.
: > : > : > : > > It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst
there,
: i
: > : love
: > : > : > doing
: > : > : > : all
: > : > : > : > > sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a
: depressive
: > : > : person,
: > : > : > : but
: > : > : > : > > the actions since i returned have made me depressed, the
: fact
: > : that
: > : > : the
: > : > : > : most
: > : > : > : > > trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust & she
: has
: > : > : > destroyed
: > : > : > : all
: > : > : > : > > the trust i can have with anyone!
: > : > : > : > > I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it get
: > : between
: > : > : us.
: > : > : > : If i
: > : > : > : > > broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same?
: > : > : > : > > I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the chance to
: > show
: > : > her
: > : > : > i'm
: > : > : > : > > still the person she was in love with & who knows. I can
: still
: > : be
: > : > : this
: > : > : > : new
: > : > : > : > > person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the future, as
: she
: > : > : > doesn't.
: > : > : > : But
: > : > : > : > > i do concentrate on getting further better!
: > : > : > : >
: > : > : > : > I am listening. But you have to stop perseverating about
your
: > : > : > : > (former) girlfriend, your relationship with her, and how she
: > : treats
: > : > : > : > you.
: > : > : > : >
: > : > : > : > Don't ask questions about "what if you had cancer or a
broken
: > : leg."
: > : > : > : > Don't dwell on how she has destroyed your trust. All of
these
: > : > things
: > : > : > : > are focussing your problems on something external to
yourself,
: > : which
: > : > : > : > is not appropriate.
: > : > : > :
: > : > : > :
: > : > : >
: > : > : >
: > : > : >
: > : > :
: > : > :
: > : >
: > : >
: > :
: > :
: >
: >
:
:

Thanks Kim, you're great, today i came upon a photo of us that upset me, it
just triggered my tears.
I hope she keeps to her word & contacts me when she feels like it, as she
said, she's never realy had the space she wants from me, but i know she is
at home & feeling better than she did, i expect i am in her mind. I do want
her to know how i feel, i'm just so used to sharing our lives & our daily
chats. Time is making it easier, although, out of nowhere i get upset.
I suppose "time" is different for everyone, for me it's a fiew weeks,
for others, more!
O just find it hard to believe that someone can go from seeing someone
everyday & being intimate, to nothing, it's like i died or something & she
can just get on, i wonder how she would feel if i had died, would she shed a
tear, i don't know. There was just this 3 weeks of hell, because my panic
attacks & it freaked her, put a bad taste in her mouth, i just want her not
to remember me as this & show her, one day!
Thanks
Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1078765724.740599@prawn... Gary, keep talking to folks. It's natural that she's going to come to mind from time to time. Right now, it is very important for you to be aware of what you are thinking, and if it's not healthy for you, to change your thoughts. This may take some practice, and perhaps your counselor can help you do this. I'm glad that you recognize that your negative thoughts trigger your anxiety. At some point, you are going to ask yourself, is it worth it to allow myself to stay stuck in these negative thoughts, and the answer is going to be no. That's when you are going to be able to let go of the negative thoughts and instead, think of healthier thoughts. Give yourself permission to say "I'm not going to think about her right now...I'm going to...<fill in the blank>" While you don't want to get her out of your mind right now <I think that's pretty natural>, it's not
healthy for you to sit and dwell...and dwell...and dwell. Part of healing is grieving, and part of healing is moving... You won't ever forget; you *will* learn to accept what has happened, incorporate it into your life,
and move on. It will take time, and some days will be better than others, but you can heal. Keep talking with your counselor! It sounds like you are in a better
space today, and I'm glad to hear that. ~Kimberlee "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:c2ghfh$ddg$1@news7.svr.pol.co.uk... : There's a councellor i talk to & a psychologist i'm in a list to see. : Yes, i leave her, just certain things i see or do whilst i indulge in my : cycling or whatever. Using the computer & venting here helps, i just
think : of her & what she is doing & my negative thoughts trigger my anxiety, i take : an anti anxiety drug & time is healing, but somehow i don't want to get her : out of my mind, & i'm sure she thinks of me, after all we been through.
If i : forget, i'l be moving on & i'l always have her in my heart! : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message : news:1078635813.710085@prawn... : > Gary, : > You haven't answered my question, which I think would help you think about : > you...not her. : > What else can you do when you're feeling this way? : > Who can you talk to? : > What activities can you do to keep you busy? : > Are there any groups in town for those experiencing the break-up of a : > relationship? : > ~Kimberlee : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message : > news:c2cep2$i8j$2@news8.svr.pol.co.uk... : > : She's not stupid, i never meant to be ill kim, she knows i'm caring
& : > loyal : > : & believe it or not, romantic & funny when i'm happy, but this
hurts. : She : > : has to feel a small amount of pain also, could you be with someone
for : our : > : time & not miss them, my illness just leaft a bad taste & i want to fix : > it, : > : i just hope she contacts me soon, she promised me this, butv mabe : trusting : > : people in this world is wrong. : > : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message : > : news:1078467681.323692@prawn... : > : > Gary, : > : > It sounds like this is really hard for you to accept, and I admire you : > for : > : > trying to figure everything out. : > : > Some things, though...have no answer. Right now, you won't find
an : > answer : > : > from her. : > : > Perhaps she's not trying to make you pay? Perhaps what she wants
is : > just : > : to : > : > be left alone. : > : > Perhaps you won't get any reply or answer from her. : > : > What else can you do? : > : > ~Kimberlee : > : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message : > : > news:c28db3$9bk$2@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk... : > : > : I just feel, i'm the guilty one in the wrong & i'm being made to : pay, : > : i'm : > : > : the loyal one that other relationships don't have!, i'm the : sensitive : > : > caring : > : > : type, who would do anything for her & be there if she was ill,
i'm : the : > : one : > : > : lied to & has had a friend poisoned againsed me & i am the one that : > gets : > : > no : > : > : replys or answers. : > : > : BUT, i'm also the one accused of being a stalker in this
thread & : > : that : > : > i : > : > : should leave her & that it's my fault. Mabe i should be a right : > bastard : > : > to : > : > : women & treat them like **** & then i may be liked & respected & : > people : > : > may : > : > : understand my side! : > : > : : > : > : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message : > : > : news:1078381583.503003@prawn... : > : > : > Gary, : > : > : > It sounds like today has been a rough one for you. : > : > : > What are some other things when you're this upset about *her*
? : You : > : > can't : > : > : > change how she's feeling right now. You can't make her : respond...or : > : > : respond : > : > : > the way you want her to. What are some other things you can
do? : > Who : > : > else : > : > : > can you talk to? Can you call the folks at Samaritans?
Here's : > their : > : > URL: : > : > : > http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ : > : > : > : > : > : > Have you talked to your therapist today? Has your therapist given : > you : > : > : some : > : > : > #s for people who you can talk to if he or she is not
available? : > : > : > ~Kimberlee : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message : > : > : > news:c25g76$j2$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk... : > : > : > : I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone
off, i : > feel : > : > so : > : > : > : angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all
we : > done, : > : i : > : > : > just : > : > : > : can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she
acts as : > if : > : i : > : > : > raped : > : > : > : her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium,
this : is : > : > : causing : > : > : > : more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to hurt
me & : > : wants : > : > : me : > : > : > to : > : > : > : be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her idea!
I : > just : > : > say : > : > : of : > : > : > : things i can't wait for (only things she said). I love her, but : > : should : > : > : > hate : > : > : > : her, whats wrong? I'm just so much confused & she won't
talk, : > after : > : > all : > : > : we : > : > : > : did, i'm so upset!! : > : > : > : Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message : > : > : > : news:u84qt7vvmz.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu... : > : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > > No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i was : there : > & : > : i : > : > : was : > : > : > : with : > : > : > : > > my girl &i would expect that they should understand an : illness : > & : > : > not : > : > : > : throw : > : > : > : > > me out or me in the bin. : > : > : > : > > I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto
the : > : street, : > : > i : > : > : > hope : > : > : > : her : > : > : > : > > children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the street : & : > : how : > : > : she : > : > : > : may : > : > : > : > > feel then. : > : > : > : > > It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst there, : i : > : love : > : > : > doing : > : > : > : all : > : > : > : > > sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a : depressive : > : > : person, : > : > : > : but : > : > : > : > > the actions since i returned have made me depressed, the : fact : > : that : > : > : the : > : > : > : most : > : > : > : > > trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust &
she : has : > : > : > destroyed : > : > : > : all : > : > : > : > > the trust i can have with anyone! : > : > : > : > > I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it
get : > : between : > : > : us. : > : > : > : If i : > : > : > : > > broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same? : > : > : > : > > I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the chance
to : > show : > : > her : > : > : > i'm : > : > : > : > > still the person she was in love with & who knows. I can : still : > : be : > : > : this : > : > : > : new : > : > : > : > > person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the future,
as : she : > : > : > doesn't. : > : > : > : But : > : > : > : > > i do concentrate on getting further better! : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > I am listening. But you have to stop perseverating about your : > : > : > : > (former) girlfriend, your relationship with her, and how
she : > : treats : > : > : > : > you. : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > Don't ask questions about "what if you had cancer or a broken : > : leg." : > : > : > : > Don't dwell on how she has destroyed your trust. All of these : > : > things : > : > : > : > are focussing your problems on something external to yourself, : > : which : > : > : > : > is not appropriate. : > : > : > : : > : > : > : : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : : > : > : : > : > : > : > : > : : > : : > : > : :

Hi Kim,
Feeling better i do, but i feel i can't move on as i still love
her & think of her a lot, i've lots of photos, xmas presents from the past
with written messages & things she bought for our room etc!
If i try & move on & find someone else, she may come back & then what?
I know someone who likes me at the moment, & i am tempted, but it mabe a
rebound thing. People say to date others & not waste life by waiting, but
she's everything i ever wanted, so kind & shes from a very romantic plce,
i've always wanted someone like her & she's into all the things i am also, a
country girl that loves hiking.
I didn't give her space because i overmailed her because i was full of
emotion & questions i wanted answering, i mean did she just expect me to
take everything & noy say a word.
Now i do give her space & only mail her 1 a week as she said, but i
don't expect a reply, i just wanna keep in touch & make sure she knows i'm
doing this for her & i hope we can see each other. Obviously if i disregard
her wishes, we'll always argue, so i try this way now, somedays i get so
emotional & want to SMS her, but i hold back. 1 a week i shall do, i know
she sees them & i just wait for a reply!
Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1078765724.740599@prawn... Gary, keep talking to folks. It's natural that she's going to come to mind from time to time. Right now, it is very important for you to be aware of what you are thinking, and if it's not healthy for you, to change your thoughts. This may take some practice, and perhaps your counselor can help you do this. I'm glad that you recognize that your negative thoughts trigger your anxiety. At some point, you are going to ask yourself, is it worth it to allow myself to stay stuck in these negative thoughts, and the answer is going to be no. That's when you are going to be able to let go of the negative thoughts and instead, think of healthier thoughts. Give yourself permission to say "I'm not going to think about her right now...I'm going to...<fill in the blank>" While you don't want to get her out of your mind right now <I think that's pretty natural>, it's not
healthy for you to sit and dwell...and dwell...and dwell. Part of healing is grieving, and part of healing is moving... You won't ever forget; you *will* learn to accept what has happened, incorporate it into your life,
and move on. It will take time, and some days will be better than others, but you can heal. Keep talking with your counselor! It sounds like you are in a better
space today, and I'm glad to hear that. ~Kimberlee "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:c2ghfh$ddg$1@news7.svr.pol.co.uk... : There's a councellor i talk to & a psychologist i'm in a list to see. : Yes, i leave her, just certain things i see or do whilst i indulge in my : cycling or whatever. Using the computer & venting here helps, i just
think : of her & what she is doing & my negative thoughts trigger my anxiety, i take : an anti anxiety drug & time is healing, but somehow i don't want to get her : out of my mind, & i'm sure she thinks of me, after all we been through.
If i : forget, i'l be moving on & i'l always have her in my heart! : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message : news:1078635813.710085@prawn... : > Gary, : > You haven't answered my question, which I think would help you think about : > you...not her. : > What else can you do when you're feeling this way? : > Who can you talk to? : > What activities can you do to keep you busy? : > Are there any groups in town for those experiencing the break-up of a : > relationship? : > ~Kimberlee : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message : > news:c2cep2$i8j$2@news8.svr.pol.co.uk... : > : She's not stupid, i never meant to be ill kim, she knows i'm caring
& : > loyal : > : & believe it or not, romantic & funny when i'm happy, but this
hurts. : She : > : has to feel a small amount of pain also, could you be with someone
for : our : > : time & not miss them, my illness just leaft a bad taste & i want to fix : > it, : > : i just hope she contacts me soon, she promised me this, butv mabe : trusting : > : people in this world is wrong. : > : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message : > : news:1078467681.323692@prawn... : > : > Gary, : > : > It sounds like this is really hard for you to accept, and I admire you : > for : > : > trying to figure everything out. : > : > Some things, though...have no answer. Right now, you won't find
an : > answer : > : > from her. : > : > Perhaps she's not trying to make you pay? Perhaps what she wants
is : > just : > : to : > : > be left alone. : > : > Perhaps you won't get any reply or answer from her. : > : > What else can you do? : > : > ~Kimberlee : > : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message : > : > news:c28db3$9bk$2@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk... : > : > : I just feel, i'm the guilty one in the wrong & i'm being made to : pay, : > : i'm : > : > : the loyal one that other relationships don't have!, i'm the : sensitive : > : > caring : > : > : type, who would do anything for her & be there if she was ill,
i'm : the : > : one : > : > : lied to & has had a friend poisoned againsed me & i am the one that : > gets : > : > no : > : > : replys or answers. : > : > : BUT, i'm also the one accused of being a stalker in this
thread & : > : that : > : > i : > : > : should leave her & that it's my fault. Mabe i should be a right : > bastard : > : > to : > : > : women & treat them like **** & then i may be liked & respected & : > people : > : > may : > : > : understand my side! : > : > : : > : > : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message : > : > : news:1078381583.503003@prawn... : > : > : > Gary, : > : > : > It sounds like today has been a rough one for you. : > : > : > What are some other things when you're this upset about *her*
? : You : > : > can't : > : > : > change how she's feeling right now. You can't make her : respond...or : > : > : respond : > : > : > the way you want her to. What are some other things you can
do? : > Who : > : > else : > : > : > can you talk to? Can you call the folks at Samaritans?
Here's : > their : > : > URL: : > : > : > http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ : > : > : > : > : > : > Have you talked to your therapist today? Has your therapist given : > you : > : > : some : > : > : > #s for people who you can talk to if he or she is not
available? : > : > : > ~Kimberlee : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message : > : > : > news:c25g76$j2$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk... : > : > : > : I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone
off, i : > feel : > : > so : > : > : > : angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after all
we : > done, : > : i : > : > : > just : > : > : > : can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she
acts as : > if : > : i : > : > : > raped : > : > : > : her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium,
this : is : > : > : causing : > : > : > : more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to hurt
me & : > : wants : > : > : me : > : > : > to : > : > : > : be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her idea!
I : > just : > : > say : > : > : of : > : > : > : things i can't wait for (only things she said). I love her, but : > : should : > : > : > hate : > : > : > : her, whats wrong? I'm just so much confused & she won't
talk, : > after : > : > all : > : > : we : > : > : > : did, i'm so upset!! : > : > : > : Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message : > : > : > : news:u84qt7vvmz.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu... : > : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > > No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i was : there : > & : > : i : > : > : was : > : > : > : with : > : > : > : > > my girl &i would expect that they should understand an : illness : > & : > : > not : > : > : > : throw : > : > : > : > > me out or me in the bin. : > : > : > : > > I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto
the : > : street, : > : > i : > : > : > hope : > : > : > : her : > : > : > : > > children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the street : & : > : how : > : > : she : > : > : > : may : > : > : > : > > feel then. : > : > : > : > > It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst there, : i : > : love : > : > : > doing : > : > : > : all : > : > : > : > > sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a : depressive : > : > : person, : > : > : > : but : > : > : > : > > the actions since i returned have made me depressed, the : fact : > : that : > : > : the : > : > : > : most : > : > : > : > > trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust &
she : has : > : > : > destroyed : > : > : > : all : > : > : > : > > the trust i can have with anyone! : > : > : > : > > I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it
get : > : between : > : > : us. : > : > : > : If i : > : > : > : > > broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same? : > : > : > : > > I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the chance
to : > show : > : > her : > : > : > i'm : > : > : > : > > still the person she was in love with & who knows. I can : still : > : be : > : > : this : > : > : > : new : > : > : > : > > person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the future,
as : she : > : > : > doesn't. : > : > : > : But : > : > : > : > > i do concentrate on getting further better! : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > I am listening. But you have to stop perseverating about your : > : > : > : > (former) girlfriend, your relationship with her, and how
she : > : treats : > : > : > : > you. : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > Don't ask questions about "what if you had cancer or a broken : > : leg." : > : > : > : > Don't dwell on how she has destroyed your trust. All of these : > : > things : > : > : > : > are focussing your problems on something external to yourself, : > : which : > : > : > : > is not appropriate. : > : > : > : : > : > : > : : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : : > : > : : > : > : > : > : > : : > : : > : > : :

Gary,

A different (healthier) way of moving on is to focus on yourself; your
health, your interests, your hobbies, your education...your own activities.
Perhaps it helps you to have things around that remind you of her...perhaps
it's time to put them in some boxes and into storage somewhere. You don't
have to toss them out...but if having those constant reminders holds you
back from healing, perhaps it's time to do something with them?

It is definitely *not* time to move into a relationship with someone else.
It wouldn't be fair to you, and it wouldn't be fair to the other person.
Focusing on *you* right now sounds like a healthy option; what are your
priorities? School? Work? Education? Computers? Music? Art? Friends?
If you lose sight of who you are, and define yourself by being a partner of
someone else, you may wake up 10 or 20 years from now, feeling resentful and
bitter because you have never been you!

It takes courage to take care of yourself, Gary. A lot of people are
defined by being loved by someone else and find it difficult to have their
own identity <personal goals, dreams, ideals> without being dependent on the
other person. It is healthy to be comfortable with who you are and *then*
find a person to share with.
~Kimberlee



"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c2musv$21u$1@newsg3.svr.pol.co.uk...
: Hi Kim,
: Feeling better i do, but i feel i can't move on as i still
love
: her & think of her a lot, i've lots of photos, xmas presents from the past
: with written messages & things she bought for our room etc!
: If i try & move on & find someone else, she may come back & then
what?
: I know someone who likes me at the moment, & i am tempted, but it mabe a
: rebound thing. People say to date others & not waste life by waiting, but
: she's everything i ever wanted, so kind & shes from a very romantic plce,
: i've always wanted someone like her & she's into all the things i am also,
a
: country girl that loves hiking.
: I didn't give her space because i overmailed her because i was full of
: emotion & questions i wanted answering, i mean did she just expect me to
: take everything & noy say a word.
: Now i do give her space & only mail her 1 a week as she said, but i
: don't expect a reply, i just wanna keep in touch & make sure she knows i'm
: doing this for her & i hope we can see each other. Obviously if i
disregard
: her wishes, we'll always argue, so i try this way now, somedays i get so
: emotional & want to SMS her, but i hold back. 1 a week i shall do, i know
: she sees them & i just wait for a reply!
: Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
: news:1078765724.740599@prawn...
: > Gary, keep talking to folks.
: > It's natural that she's going to come to mind from time to time.
: > Right now, it is very important for you to be aware of what you are
: > thinking, and if it's not healthy for you, to change your thoughts.
This
: > may take some practice, and perhaps your counselor can help you do this.
: > I'm glad that you recognize that your negative thoughts trigger your
: > anxiety. At some point, you are going to ask yourself, is it worth it
to
: > allow myself to stay stuck in these negative thoughts, and the answer is
: > going to be no. That's when you are going to be able to let go of the
: > negative thoughts and instead, think of healthier thoughts.
: >
: > Give yourself permission to say "I'm not going to think about her right
: > now...I'm going to...<fill in the blank>" While you don't want to get
her
: > out of your mind right now <I think that's pretty natural>, it's not
: healthy
: > for you to sit and dwell...and dwell...and dwell. Part of healing is
: > grieving, and part of healing is moving... You won't ever forget; you
: > *will* learn to accept what has happened, incorporate it into your life,
: and
: > move on. It will take time, and some days will be better than others,
but
: > you can heal.
: >
: > Keep talking with your counselor! It sounds like you are in a better
: space
: > today, and I'm glad to hear that.
: > ~Kimberlee
: >
: >
: > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
: > news:c2ghfh$ddg$1@news7.svr.pol.co.uk...
: > : There's a councellor i talk to & a psychologist i'm in a list to see.
: > : Yes, i leave her, just certain things i see or do whilst i indulge in
my
: > : cycling or whatever. Using the computer & venting here helps, i just
: think
: > : of her & what she is doing & my negative thoughts trigger my anxiety,
i
: > take
: > : an anti anxiety drug & time is healing, but somehow i don't want to
get
: > her
: > : out of my mind, & i'm sure she thinks of me, after all we been
through.
: If
: > i
: > : forget, i'l be moving on & i'l always have her in my heart!
: > : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
: > : news:1078635813.710085@prawn...
: > : > Gary,
: > : > You haven't answered my question, which I think would help you think
: > about
: > : > you...not her.
: > : > What else can you do when you're feeling this way?
: > : > Who can you talk to?
: > : > What activities can you do to keep you busy?
: > : > Are there any groups in town for those experiencing the break-up of
a
: > : > relationship?
: > : > ~Kimberlee
: > : >
: > : >
: > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
: > : > news:c2cep2$i8j$2@news8.svr.pol.co.uk...
: > : > : She's not stupid, i never meant to be ill kim, she knows i'm
caring
: &
: > : > loyal
: > : > : & believe it or not, romantic & funny when i'm happy, but this
: hurts.
: > : She
: > : > : has to feel a small amount of pain also, could you be with someone
: for
: > : our
: > : > : time & not miss them, my illness just leaft a bad taste & i want
to
: > fix
: > : > it,
: > : > : i just hope she contacts me soon, she promised me this, butv mabe
: > : trusting
: > : > : people in this world is wrong.
: > : > : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
: > : > : news:1078467681.323692@prawn...
: > : > : > Gary,
: > : > : > It sounds like this is really hard for you to accept, and I
admire
: > you
: > : > for
: > : > : > trying to figure everything out.
: > : > : > Some things, though...have no answer. Right now, you won't find
: an
: > : > answer
: > : > : > from her.
: > : > : > Perhaps she's not trying to make you pay? Perhaps what she
wants
: is
: > : > just
: > : > : to
: > : > : > be left alone.
: > : > : > Perhaps you won't get any reply or answer from her.
: > : > : > What else can you do?
: > : > : > ~Kimberlee
: > : > : >
: > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
: > : > : > news:c28db3$9bk$2@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk...
: > : > : > : I just feel, i'm the guilty one in the wrong & i'm being made
to
: > : pay,
: > : > : i'm
: > : > : > : the loyal one that other relationships don't have!, i'm the
: > : sensitive
: > : > : > caring
: > : > : > : type, who would do anything for her & be there if she was ill,
: i'm
: > : the
: > : > : one
: > : > : > : lied to & has had a friend poisoned againsed me & i am the one
: > that
: > : > gets
: > : > : > no
: > : > : > : replys or answers.
: > : > : > : BUT, i'm also the one accused of being a stalker in this
: thread
: > &
: > : > : that
: > : > : > i
: > : > : > : should leave her & that it's my fault. Mabe i should be a
right
: > : > bastard
: > : > : > to
: > : > : > : women & treat them like **** & then i may be liked & respected
&
: > : > people
: > : > : > may
: > : > : > : understand my side!
: > : > : > :
: > : > : > : Kimberlee <NOREPLY@hotmail.com> wrote in message
: > : > : > : news:1078381583.503003@prawn...
: > : > : > : > Gary,
: > : > : > : > It sounds like today has been a rough one for you.
: > : > : > : > What are some other things when you're this upset about
*her*
: ?
: > : You
: > : > : > can't
: > : > : > : > change how she's feeling right now. You can't make her
: > : respond...or
: > : > : > : respond
: > : > : > : > the way you want her to. What are some other things you can
: do?
: > : > Who
: > : > : > else
: > : > : > : > can you talk to? Can you call the folks at Samaritans?
: Here's
: > : > their
: > : > : > URL:
: > : > : > : > http://www.samaritans.org.uk/
: > : > : > : >
: > : > : > : > Have you talked to your therapist today? Has your therapist
: > given
: > : > you
: > : > : > : some
: > : > : > : > #s for people who you can talk to if he or she is not
: available?
: > : > : > : > ~Kimberlee
: > : > : > : >
: > : > : > : >
: > : > : > : >
: > : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
: > : > : > : > news:c25g76$j2$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk...
: > : > : > : > : I sent my gf a text message & after she turned her phone
: off,
: > i
: > : > feel
: > : > : > so
: > : > : > : > : angry & upset. How can she live with her actions, after
all
: we
: > : > done,
: > : > : i
: > : > : > : > just
: > : > : > : > : can't never understand it. I only want to speak, but she
: acts
: > as
: > : > if
: > : > : i
: > : > : > : > raped
: > : > : > : > : her or something!, Why is she loke this, i need a valium,
: this
: > : is
: > : > : > : causing
: > : > : > : > : more anxiety, more depression, but she doesn't want to
hurt
: me
: > &
: > : > : wants
: > : > : > : me
: > : > : > : > to
: > : > : > : > : be well. I not push her, i ust mail her 1 a week, her
idea!
: I
: > : > just
: > : > : > say
: > : > : > : of
: > : > : > : > : things i can't wait for (only things she said). I love
her,
: > but
: > : > : should
: > : > : > : > hate
: > : > : > : > : her, whats wrong? I'm just so much confused & she won't
: talk,
: > : > after
: > : > : > all
: > : > : > : we
: > : > : > : > : did, i'm so upset!!
: > : > : > : > : Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
: > : > : > : > : news:u84qt7vvmz.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu...
: > : > : > : > : > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
: > : > : > : > : >
: > : > : > : > : > > No, they aren't to blame, i never said this, just i
was
: > : there
: > : > &
: > : > : i
: > : > : > : was
: > : > : > : > : with
: > : > : > : > : > > my girl &i would expect that they should understand an
: > : illness
: > : > &
: > : > : > not
: > : > : > : > : throw
: > : > : > : > : > > me out or me in the bin.
: > : > : > : > : > > I just hope that this woman who threw me out onto
: the
: > : > : street,
: > : > : > i
: > : > : > : > hope
: > : > : > : > : her
: > : > : > : > : > > children travel & get anxiety & get thrown out on the
: > street
: > : &
: > : > : how
: > : > : > : she
: > : > : > : > : may
: > : > : > : > : > > feel then.
: > : > : > : > : > > It seems you don't listen, i wasn't depressed whilst
: > there,
: > : i
: > : > : love
: > : > : > : > doing
: > : > : > : > : all
: > : > : > : > : > > sorts of things & had many nice times & never am a
: > : depressive
: > : > : > : person,
: > : > : > : > : but
: > : > : > : > : > > the actions since i returned have made me depressed,
the
: > : fact
: > : > : that
: > : > : > : the
: > : > : > : > : most
: > : > : > : > : > > trustworthy person i thought, i can no longer trust &
: she
: > : has
: > : > : > : > destroyed
: > : > : > : > : all
: > : > : > : > : > > the trust i can have with anyone!
: > : > : > : > : > > I never asked her to heal my problem, just not let it
: get
: > : > : between
: > : > : > : us.
: > : > : > : > : If i
: > : > : > : > : > > broke my leg or had cancer, would she react the same?
: > : > : > : > : > > I don't ask her to be my gf, just to give me the
chance
: to
: > : > show
: > : > : > her
: > : > : > : > i'm
: > : > : > : > : > > still the person she was in love with & who knows. I
can
: > : still
: > : > : be
: > : > : > : this
: > : > : > : > : new
: > : > : > : > : > > person she may meet anywhere & i don't know the
future,
: as
: > : she
: > : > : > : > doesn't.
: > : > : > : > : But
: > : > : > : > : > > i do concentrate on getting further better!
: > : > : > : > : >
: > : > : > : > : > I am listening. But you have to stop perseverating
about
: > your
: > : > : > : > : > (former) girlfriend, your relationship with her, and how
: she
: > : > : treats
: > : > : > : > : > you.
: > : > : > : > : >
: > : > : > : > : > Don't ask questions about "what if you had cancer or a
: > broken
: > : > : leg."
: > : > : > : > : > Don't dwell on how she has destroyed your trust. All of
: > these
: > : > : > things
: > : > : > : > : > are focussing your problems on something external to
: > yourself,
: > : > : which
: > : > : > : > : > is not appropriate.
: > : > : > : > :
: > : > : > : > :
: > : > : > : >
: > : > : > : >
: > : > : > : >
: > : > : > :
: > : > : > :
: > : > : >
: > : > : >
: > : > :
: > : > :
: > : >
: > : >
: > :
: > :
: >
: >
:
:

Just contact is all i want, it will help me & i'm wandering about her, we
shared everything & now nothing. I'm so upset
gary <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c2detq$9au$1@news8.svr.pol.co.uk... The opposit of love isn't hate, it is indifference. Mabe i'm a bit complex about this. We both have good reason to hate each other, hey!!, so why not be in love. **** happens. I just hope, because i believe in this! Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:dtm2c.495170$na.1169994@attbi_s04... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: She's not stupid, i never meant to be ill kim, she knows i'm caring & loyal & believe it or not, romantic & funny when i'm happy, but this hurts. She has to feel a small amount of pain also, could you be with someone for our time & not miss them, my illness just leaft a bad taste & i want to
fix it, i just hope she contacts me soon, she promised me this, butv mabe trusting people in this world is wrong. Gary: It doesn't matter if you meant to be ill or not. If you hurt and/or scared her she has a right to want you to now leave her alone. Furthermore, your oscillations between how much you love her (on the one hand) and how badly she is treating you and how she wants you to suffer (on the other hand) suggest that you are still too mentally ill to be in a healthy relationship with someone. Deal with that first.