When a s/o wants space, is a jokey ecard on vday too much or should wait
till she contacts me?

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c0fla9$3fk$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk... When a s/o wants space, is a jokey ecard on vday too much or should wait till she contacts me?

No card, open heart letter. Use words.

"urf" <urf@nospam.com> wrote in message news:<1iMWb.38691$IF1.18584@nwrdny03.gnilink.net>... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:c0fla9$3fk$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk... When a s/o wants space, is a jokey ecard on vday too much or should wait till she contacts me? No card, open heart letter. Use words.

I think it all depends upon the 2 people in the relationship. To be
honest, if I wanted some space and got a heavy, heartful email card,
it might turn me off. However, if I got something light that cracked
me up, it might help. Different strokes....

Humor is defnitely something that lifts me. This morning I got to
sleep in due to no school for my daughter. The phone rang at 8 and
I'm blind without my glasses so I couldn't see the caller ID. All of
a sudden, from downstairs I hear my sister (the volume was on the
highest I guess) saying, "where are you? I know you're there making
breakfast...pick up the phone." I was half annoyed and half thinking
well I should get up. Then she started whistling. Just whistling
like a nut. It cracked me up and I got up laughing. I just called
her to thank me for waking me up and how I enjoyed her whistling. Now
she wants a written schedule of my daughter's days off so she won't
wake me up again :-)

Gary, if humor is what your S/O values, go for it! Adding a simple
"I'm thinking of you or I love you" can't hurt.

"Caren" <caren50@msn.com> wrote in message
news:3754f0b3.0402130822.ce7748@posting.google.com ... "urf" <urf@nospam.com> wrote in message
news:<1iMWb.38691$IF1.18584@nwrdny03.gnilink.net>... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:c0fla9$3fk$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk... When a s/o wants space, is a jokey ecard on vday too much or should
wait till she contacts me? No card, open heart letter. Use words. I think it all depends upon the 2 people in the relationship. To be honest, if I wanted some space and got a heavy, heartful email card, it might turn me off. However, if I got something light that cracked me up, it might help. Different strokes.... Humor is defnitely something that lifts me. This morning I got to sleep in due to no school for my daughter. The phone rang at 8 and I'm blind without my glasses so I couldn't see the caller ID. All of a sudden, from downstairs I hear my sister (the volume was on the highest I guess) saying, "where are you? I know you're there making breakfast...pick up the phone." I was half annoyed and half thinking well I should get up. Then she started whistling. Just whistling like a nut. It cracked me up and I got up laughing. I just called her to thank me for waking me up and how I enjoyed her whistling. Now she wants a written schedule of my daughter's days off so she won't wake me up again :-) Gary, if humor is what your S/O values, go for it! Adding a simple "I'm thinking of you or I love you" can't hurt.

If you've been reading his other posts, Gary's S/O is actually his
ex-girlfriend who has broken off the relationship and requested that he
limit his attempts to contact her.

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
When a s/o wants space, is a jokey ecard on vday too much or should wait till she contacts me?

Gary:
You really aren't getting this "wants space" thing. Your job
is to figure out what it is about you that made it hard for your s/o
to be with. If that is something about yourself that you don't like,
then work on changing it.

At that point, she may or may not be interested in being with you. In
the meantime, stop trying to think about what the appropriate level of
contact is with her, and let her initiate contact if she wants to.

"Chrys" <notarealaddress@lycos.com> wrote in message news:<c0iuv2$17vtc7$1@ID-198599.news.uni-berlin.de>... "Caren" <caren50@msn.com> wrote in message news:3754f0b3.0402130822.ce7748@posting.google.com ... "urf" <urf@nospam.com> wrote in message news:<1iMWb.38691$IF1.18584@nwrdny03.gnilink.net>... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:c0fla9$3fk$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk... > When a s/o wants space, is a jokey ecard on vday too much or should wait > till she contacts me? No card, open heart letter. Use words. I think it all depends upon the 2 people in the relationship. To be honest, if I wanted some space and got a heavy, heartful email card, it might turn me off. However, if I got something light that cracked me up, it might help. Different strokes.... Humor is defnitely something that lifts me. This morning I got to sleep in due to no school for my daughter. The phone rang at 8 and I'm blind without my glasses so I couldn't see the caller ID. All of a sudden, from downstairs I hear my sister (the volume was on the highest I guess) saying, "where are you? I know you're there making breakfast...pick up the phone." I was half annoyed and half thinking well I should get up. Then she started whistling. Just whistling like a nut. It cracked me up and I got up laughing. I just called her to thank me for waking me up and how I enjoyed her whistling. Now she wants a written schedule of my daughter's days off so she won't wake me up again :-) Gary, if humor is what your S/O values, go for it! Adding a simple "I'm thinking of you or I love you" can't hurt. If you've been reading his other posts, Gary's S/O is actually his ex-girlfriend who has broken off the relationship and requested that he limit his attempts to contact her.


Stupididy error :-)

I didn't put the two "garys" together.

Ixnay on the umorhay.

Forget any email...give her a break.

See! Each case is individual :-)

She seems just to want to say her piece but doesnt listen to me. I keep
telling her FRIENDS is ok & see how it goes, but she seems to thinki want to
get back as bf now. She promised me we would see each other in the future,
but when i mention it, she stops writing. If she not want it, why say it.
Her own fault. 1 a week she said, so 1 a week it will be. Just i ask
something, i don't get reply, so i have to ask again, so annoying that
Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:0hn07mq27x.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: When a s/o wants space, is a jokey ecard on vday too much or should wait till she contacts me? Gary: You really aren't getting this "wants space" thing. Your job is to figure out what it is about you that made it hard for your s/o to be with. If that is something about yourself that you don't like, then work on changing it. At that point, she may or may not be interested in being with you. In the meantime, stop trying to think about what the appropriate level of contact is with her, and let her initiate contact if she wants to.

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
She seems just to want to say her piece but doesnt listen to me.

Not wanting to listen to you is part of her wanting space.
I keep telling her FRIENDS is ok & see how it goes, but she seems to thinki want to get back as bf now. She promised me we would see each other in the future, but when i mention it, she stops writing. If she not want it, why say it. Her own fault. 1 a week she said, so 1 a week it will be. Just i ask something, i don't get reply, so i have to ask again, so annoying that

If you don't get a reply, that is because she doesn't want to reply.

So how does asking again help? It makes her feel obligated to reply
when she really doesn't want to. Is that what you want to be doing?

"Doug Anderson" <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:y8sXb.315176$na.467751@attbi_s04... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: She seems just to want to say her piece but doesnt listen to me. Not wanting to listen to you is part of her wanting space. I keep telling her FRIENDS is ok & see how it goes, but she seems to thinki
want to get back as bf now. She promised me we would see each other in the
future, but when i mention it, she stops writing. If she not want it, why say
it. Her own fault. 1 a week she said, so 1 a week it will be. Just i ask something, i don't get reply, so i have to ask again, so annoying that If you don't get a reply, that is because she doesn't want to reply. So how does asking again help? It makes her feel obligated to reply when she really doesn't want to. Is that what you want to be doing?

It probably makes her think you are trying to force her to reply - if you
have a problem with excessive neediness, this is only going to reinforce her
negative image of you. It could be the only way to overcome that is to
contact her LESS often - if she says once a week, then maybe once every two
weeks, or once a month.

I made mistakes, i just miss & love her, we shared so much & now nothing.
Its never too late is it to show someone?
Do people speak with theur current emotions & they can change over time, i
do hope so, i know i annoyed her with asking things, but she lyed to me & i
need to know some things.
I'm in transformation, how does she know how she will feel in the future, i
dont??
Joy <joydoesntlikespam@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:102skk8o07fle7d@corp.supernews.com... "Doug Anderson" <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:y8sXb.315176$na.467751@attbi_s04... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: She seems just to want to say her piece but doesnt listen to me. Not wanting to listen to you is part of her wanting space. I keep telling her FRIENDS is ok & see how it goes, but she seems to thinki want to get back as bf now. She promised me we would see each other in the future, but when i mention it, she stops writing. If she not want it, why say it. Her own fault. 1 a week she said, so 1 a week it will be. Just i ask something, i don't get reply, so i have to ask again, so annoying that If you don't get a reply, that is because she doesn't want to reply. So how does asking again help? It makes her feel obligated to reply when she really doesn't want to. Is that what you want to be doing? It probably makes her think you are trying to force her to reply - if you have a problem with excessive neediness, this is only going to reinforce
her negative image of you. It could be the only way to overcome that is to contact her LESS often - if she says once a week, then maybe once every
two weeks, or once a month.

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c0njmd$ru6$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk... I made mistakes, i just miss & love her, we shared so much & now nothing. Its never too late is it to show someone?

Yes, it can be too late. If you are coming across as a stalker, it is
*definitely* too late. Based on what you have said here, it seems like you
could be coming across that way. This could really be scaring your ex. It
would certainly scare me.
Do people speak with theur current emotions & they can change over time, i do hope so, i know i annoyed her with asking things, but she lyed to me &
i need to know some things.

Like what? If you need to know things like "would you ship me the bank book
that I forgot when I moved", that is reasonable. If you need to know things
like "when can we get back together, don't you still love me", then you'd be
better off not asking the question.

You need to get on with your life - start building a life that *doesn't*
revolve around your ex. Start some new activities. Learn to cook a new
dish. Listen to different music. Take up jogging. Do something just for
yourself.

Joy
Joy <joydoesntlikespam@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message news:102skk8o07fle7d@corp.supernews.com... "Doug Anderson" <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:y8sXb.315176$na.467751@attbi_s04... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: > She seems just to want to say her piece but doesnt listen to me. Not wanting to listen to you is part of her wanting space. > I keep > telling her FRIENDS is ok & see how it goes, but she seems to thinki want to > get back as bf now. She promised me we would see each other in the future, > but when i mention it, she stops writing. If she not want it, why
say it. > Her own fault. 1 a week she said, so 1 a week it will be. Just i ask > something, i don't get reply, so i have to ask again, so annoying
that If you don't get a reply, that is because she doesn't want to reply. So how does asking again help? It makes her feel obligated to reply when she really doesn't want to. Is that what you want to be doing? It probably makes her think you are trying to force her to reply - if
you have a problem with excessive neediness, this is only going to reinforce her negative image of you. It could be the only way to overcome that is to contact her LESS often - if she says once a week, then maybe once every two weeks, or once a month.

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
I made mistakes, i just miss & love her, we shared so much & now nothing. Its never too late is it to show someone?

Sometimes it _is_ too late. Regardless, _now_ is not the time if she is
asking for space.

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:<c0njmd$ru6$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk>... I made mistakes, i just miss & love her, we shared so much & now nothing. Its never too late is it to show someone? Do people speak with theur current emotions & they can change over time, i do hope so, i know i annoyed her with asking things, but she lyed to me & i need to know some things. I'm in transformation, how does she know how she will feel in the future, i dont??

Gary, we all make mistakes and yes, it's normal to miss and love
someone. The reason that you are sharing nothing now is due to a
choice that SHE made. If you don't respect her choice, you will drive
her away even farther.

Sometimes it is too late to show someone that you have changed. I
don't know how long it has been for you (the change period) but
despite initial changing due to drugs or short term therapy, it takes
a lot of time to REALLY change-as in permanent change. It takes a lot
of practice and re-learning to display and live in a mentally healthy
way. It takes years yet you keep claiming that you have changed. You
think you have changed and you're talking yourself into the fact that
you have changed so that she'll take you back. This is what you are
missing. You DON"T change to make someone happy. You change to make
yourself healthy. You are not doing that! You're missing the boat
Gary!

If she lied to you and you need to know some things; THIS IS NOT THE
TIME TO BE ASKING QUESTIONS. She wants space so give her space. You
have more of a chance of talking to her again in the future if you
simply back off.

Keep working on your transformation and she'll decide how she'll feel
in the future. Focus on you. Period. Leave her the heck alone and
try to go easier on yourself.



Joy <joydoesntlikespam@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message news:102skk8o07fle7d@corp.supernews.com... "Doug Anderson" <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:y8sXb.315176$na.467751@attbi_s04... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: > She seems just to want to say her piece but doesnt listen to me. Not wanting to listen to you is part of her wanting space. > I keep > telling her FRIENDS is ok & see how it goes, but she seems to thinki want to > get back as bf now. She promised me we would see each other in the future, > but when i mention it, she stops writing. If she not want it, why say it. > Her own fault. 1 a week she said, so 1 a week it will be. Just i ask > something, i don't get reply, so i have to ask again, so annoying that If you don't get a reply, that is because she doesn't want to reply. So how does asking again help? It makes her feel obligated to reply when she really doesn't want to. Is that what you want to be doing? It probably makes her think you are trying to force her to reply - if you have a problem with excessive neediness, this is only going to reinforce her negative image of you. It could be the only way to overcome that is to contact her LESS often - if she says once a week, then maybe once every two weeks, or once a month.

She still says she wants to see me, but not yet. What puzzles me is that she
wants to see me in the future & she knows this wasn't my fault, just as
cancer wouldn't be my fault, but she takes it out on me, as if it is my
fault, by not wanting to see me. Mabe she thinks it will be the same, it
doesn't take long to be able to handle panic attacks, i'm having therapy for
it & i was scared at the time, no-one seems to think that i didn't want it!
I'm just confused & frustrated by it all. I know mabe she needs
space, because how i was wasn't good for either of us. I'm just concerned
for her. If roles were reversed, i would want to be near her to help her!

Caren <caren50@msn.com> wrote in message
news:3754f0b3.0402151103.7ff03917@posting.google.c om... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:<c0njmd$ru6$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk>... I made mistakes, i just miss & love her, we shared so much & now
nothing. Its never too late is it to show someone? Do people speak with theur current emotions & they can change over time,
i do hope so, i know i annoyed her with asking things, but she lyed to me
& i need to know some things. I'm in transformation, how does she know how she will feel in the
future, i dont?? Gary, we all make mistakes and yes, it's normal to miss and love someone. The reason that you are sharing nothing now is due to a choice that SHE made. If you don't respect her choice, you will drive her away even farther. Sometimes it is too late to show someone that you have changed. I don't know how long it has been for you (the change period) but despite initial changing due to drugs or short term therapy, it takes a lot of time to REALLY change-as in permanent change. It takes a lot of practice and re-learning to display and live in a mentally healthy way. It takes years yet you keep claiming that you have changed. You think you have changed and you're talking yourself into the fact that you have changed so that she'll take you back. This is what you are missing. You DON"T change to make someone happy. You change to make yourself healthy. You are not doing that! You're missing the boat Gary! If she lied to you and you need to know some things; THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE ASKING QUESTIONS. She wants space so give her space. You have more of a chance of talking to her again in the future if you simply back off. Keep working on your transformation and she'll decide how she'll feel in the future. Focus on you. Period. Leave her the heck alone and try to go easier on yourself. Joy <joydoesntlikespam@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message news:102skk8o07fle7d@corp.supernews.com... "Doug Anderson" <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:y8sXb.315176$na.467751@attbi_s04... > "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: > > > She seems just to want to say her piece but doesnt listen to me. > > Not wanting to listen to you is part of her wanting space. > > > I keep > > telling her FRIENDS is ok & see how it goes, but she seems to
thinki want to > > get back as bf now. She promised me we would see each other in the future, > > but when i mention it, she stops writing. If she not want it, why
say it. > > Her own fault. 1 a week she said, so 1 a week it will be. Just i
ask > > something, i don't get reply, so i have to ask again, so annoying
that > > If you don't get a reply, that is because she doesn't want to reply. > > So how does asking again help? It makes her feel obligated to reply > when she really doesn't want to. Is that what you want to be doing? It probably makes her think you are trying to force her to reply - if
you have a problem with excessive neediness, this is only going to
reinforce her negative image of you. It could be the only way to overcome that is
to contact her LESS often - if she says once a week, then maybe once
every two weeks, or once a month.

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
She still says she wants to see me, but not yet. What puzzles me is that she wants to see me in the future & she knows this wasn't my fault, just as cancer wouldn't be my fault, but she takes it out on me,

Maybe she isn't taking it out on you. Maybe she just needs a break from you.

Cheers Doug! & a break she will have, abscence & the heart growing fonder &
all.
I don't think she's had a chance to have a break.
Do you think people speak with their current emotions, which can change?
Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:TuVXb.41510$jk2.97517@attbi_s53... "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes: She still says she wants to see me, but not yet. What puzzles me is that
she wants to see me in the future & she knows this wasn't my fault, just as cancer wouldn't be my fault, but she takes it out on me, Maybe she isn't taking it out on you. Maybe she just needs a break from
you.

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> writes:
Cheers Doug! & a break she will have, abscence & the heart growing fonder & all. I don't think she's had a chance to have a break. Do you think people speak with their current emotions, which can change?

People can change. That doesn't mean that they _will_ change!

Meanwhile concentrate on changing yourself. You aren't there yet, or
you wouldn't be having so much trouble actually giving her space.

http://www.tjhsst.edu/~agupta/ecard-hijack/