shinypenny0001@yahoo.com (shinypenny) writes:
He was very against the whole Ferber thing. So much so, he deliberately left the house for the three days I did it.

Yuck. I would have hated that. Having said that, my wife and I just
wouldn't have done it unless we agreed on it. Of course, getting up
and putting the crying baby back to sleep would have become the job of
the one who resisted trying to change the situation!

Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:<Tx%Pb.103833$5V2.396730@attbi_s53>... shinypenny0001@yahoo.com (shinypenny) writes: He was very against the whole Ferber thing. So much so, he deliberately left the house for the three days I did it. Yuck. I would have hated that. Having said that, my wife and I just wouldn't have done it unless we agreed on it. Of course, getting up and putting the crying baby back to sleep would have become the job of the one who resisted trying to change the situation!

I was the one who always got up with the baby, because I was a SAHM,
and he worked long hours. He disagreed but it wasn't like he forbad me
to do it; he just left the house while I was doing it. Went to have a
beer with the neighbors.

When I was pregnant with my first, I really wanted to breast feed her.
I signed up for one of those classes; he chose not to go with me.
Everyone else had their spouses in tow. When the baby was born and I
had some trouble getting started with nursing, he ganged up with his
mother against me and tried to convince me to use a bottle. I guess I
probably did get militant and defensive back then... my confidence as
a new mother was shaky at best... it sucked not having anyone to
support me.

When the baby was 3 months old, as we had discussed and agreed
beforehand, I enrolled to get my MBA. I took two courses, two nights a
week. The first night I came back from class, my ex was sitting in a
chair, frowning and miserable, with baby clear across the room
screaming her head off. We muddled through but after that first
semester he demanded I quit the MBA program. Never went back ... tried
to a couple of times during the next 7 years, but each time he talked
me out of it, various excuses each time.

jen

shinypenny0001@yahoo.com (shinypenny) writes:
Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:<Tx%Pb.103833$5V2.396730@attbi_s53>... shinypenny0001@yahoo.com (shinypenny) writes: He was very against the whole Ferber thing. So much so, he deliberately left the house for the three days I did it. Yuck. I would have hated that. Having said that, my wife and I just wouldn't have done it unless we agreed on it. Of course, getting up and putting the crying baby back to sleep would have become the job of the one who resisted trying to change the situation! I was the one who always got up with the baby, because I was a SAHM, and he worked long hours. He disagreed but it wasn't like he forbad me to do it; he just left the house while I was doing it. Went to have a beer with the neighbors. When I was pregnant with my first, I really wanted to breast feed her. I signed up for one of those classes; he chose not to go with me. Everyone else had their spouses in tow. When the baby was born and I had some trouble getting started with nursing, he ganged up with his mother against me and tried to convince me to use a bottle. I guess I probably did get militant and defensive back then... my confidence as a new mother was shaky at best... it sucked not having anyone to support me.

Yeah, that sounds sucky.
When the baby was 3 months old, as we had discussed and agreed beforehand, I enrolled to get my MBA. I took two courses, two nights a week. The first night I came back from class, my ex was sitting in a chair, frowning and miserable, with baby clear across the room screaming her head off.

Bizarre. He wouldn't let her cry for a few minutes to learn how to
sleep, but was willing to let her cry for no reason at all!

"shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:c8cb5319.0401230552.4cd42a95@posting.google.c om... I was the one who always got up with the baby, because I was a SAHM, and he worked long hours. He disagreed but it wasn't like he forbad me to do it; he just left the house while I was doing it. Went to have a beer with the neighbors. When I was pregnant with my first, I really wanted to breast feed her. I signed up for one of those classes; he chose not to go with me. Everyone else had their spouses in tow. When the baby was born and I had some trouble getting started with nursing, he ganged up with his mother against me and tried to convince me to use a bottle. I guess I probably did get militant and defensive back then... my confidence as a new mother was shaky at best... it sucked not having anyone to support me. When the baby was 3 months old, as we had discussed and agreed beforehand, I enrolled to get my MBA. I took two courses, two nights a week. The first night I came back from class, my ex was sitting in a chair, frowning and miserable, with baby clear across the room screaming her head off. We muddled through but after that first semester he demanded I quit the MBA program. Never went back ... tried to a couple of times during the next 7 years, but each time he talked me out of it, various excuses each time. jen

I'm glad to hear it's an ex at least. This sounds like horribly cruel
treatment. You deserve much better than that.

In article <c8cb5319.0401230552.4cd42a95@posting.google.com>, shinypenny wrote: Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:<Tx%Pb.103833$5V2.396730@attbi_s53>... shinypenny0001@yahoo.com (shinypenny) writes: He was very against the whole Ferber thing. So much so, he deliberately left the house for the three days I did it. Yuck. I would have hated that. Having said that, my wife and I just wouldn't have done it unless we agreed on it. Of course, getting up and putting the crying baby back to sleep would have become the job of the one who resisted trying to change the situation! I was the one who always got up with the baby, because I was a SAHM, and he worked long hours. He disagreed but it wasn't like he forbad me to do it; he just left the house while I was doing it. Went to have a beer with the neighbors. When I was pregnant with my first, I really wanted to breast feed her. I signed up for one of those classes; he chose not to go with me. Everyone else had their spouses in tow. When the baby was born and I had some trouble getting started with nursing, he ganged up with his mother against me and tried to convince me to use a bottle. I guess I probably did get militant and defensive back then... my confidence as a new mother was shaky at best... it sucked not having anyone to support me. When the baby was 3 months old, as we had discussed and agreed beforehand, I enrolled to get my MBA. I took two courses, two nights a week. The first night I came back from class, my ex was sitting in a chair, frowning and miserable, with baby clear across the room screaming her head off. We muddled through but after that first semester he demanded I quit the MBA program. Never went back ... tried to a couple of times during the next 7 years, but each time he talked me out of it, various excuses each time. jen

What a turd, trying to deprive his kids of breast milk.

i

Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote:
shinypenny0001@yahoo.com (shinypenny) writes: He was very against the whole Ferber thing. So much so, he deliberately left the house for the three days I did it. Yuck. I would have hated that. Having said that, my wife and I just wouldn't have done it unless we agreed on it. Of course, getting up and putting the crying baby back to sleep would have become the job of the one who resisted trying to change the situation!

Definitely. :-) I was actually very willing to let our older daughter
sleep with us, if it had worked. But she still woke up constantly. So
we did some Ferber, and we were all much happier.

mbjq@earthlink.net (Emma Anne) writes:
Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote: shinypenny0001@yahoo.com (shinypenny) writes: He was very against the whole Ferber thing. So much so, he deliberately left the house for the three days I did it. Yuck. I would have hated that. Having said that, my wife and I just wouldn't have done it unless we agreed on it. Of course, getting up and putting the crying baby back to sleep would have become the job of the one who resisted trying to change the situation! Definitely. :-) I was actually very willing to let our older daughter sleep with us, if it had worked. But she still woke up constantly. So we did some Ferber, and we were all much happier.

Yeah, this was another one of the areas where our expectations were
met by a somewhat different reality.

We _planned_ on having our first child sleep with us. But not only
did she sleep really badly and wake us both up all the time, _she_
woke up when we did things like turn over in bed! So even when she
was asleep, we'd be lying in bed, awake, wanting to change positions
but either unable to do so, or doing so incredibly gradually only to
have her wake up anyhow.

"Doug Anderson" <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:71znceij9o.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu... mbjq@earthlink.net (Emma Anne) writes: Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote: shinypenny0001@yahoo.com (shinypenny) writes: > He was very against the whole Ferber thing. So much so, he > deliberately left the house for the three days I did it. Yuck. I would have hated that. Having said that, my wife and I just wouldn't have done it unless we agreed on it. Of course, getting up and putting the crying baby back to sleep would have become the job of the one who resisted trying to change the situation! Definitely. :-) I was actually very willing to let our older daughter sleep with us, if it had worked. But she still woke up constantly. So we did some Ferber, and we were all much happier. Yeah, this was another one of the areas where our expectations were met by a somewhat different reality. We _planned_ on having our first child sleep with us. But not only did she sleep really badly and wake us both up all the time, _she_ woke up when we did things like turn over in bed! So even when she was asleep, we'd be lying in bed, awake, wanting to change positions but either unable to do so, or doing so incredibly gradually only to have her wake up anyhow.

Same here.

"Chrys" <notarealaddress@lycos.com> wrote in message news:<burf9b$k8c8f$1@ID-198599.news.uni-berlin.de>...
I'm glad to hear it's an ex at least. This sounds like horribly cruel treatment. You deserve much better than that.

Thanks, Chrys. :)

I should add that he has gotten MUCH better in recent years, since the
divorce. He is more hands-on and involved with the children, and while
I don't necessarily agree with his overall philosophies, these days
he's quite active in parenting and has learned a few tricks of his
own.

As for what lessons he's learned to become a better marital partner, I
couldn't tell ya and am just happy I don't have to live with him
anymore.

jen