ca step-mom
06-26-2006, 07:24 PM
My husband of 2 years has two wonderful sons 11 & 8, of whom live 80% with their mother. My husband and their mother (never married) have had a very unpleasant past so I'm not surprised that when his first son was born was given her last name. I'm not sure if this matters but at the time of his birth my husband was not present. They also had a second son who instead bears his father's last name. How can we change his first born son's last name back to his?
On another note...I have, of course, a custody question...
My husband, in all truth, has not had a steady lifestyle in the past but has made every effort to be a part of his children's lives despite the many times their mother has prevented him to do so. Although, he hasn't had a secure job up until 3 years ago when he joined the US Army he has been steadily paying child support for both children ontop of the back-pay which began the same year his first son was born (and they were still together and he was obviously not working at the time). I myself am a nurse and love his children dearly as if they were really mine. We desperately want to give them a healthy, secure and happy lifestyle which every child deserves but she is making it very difficult for us.
Unfortuneatly, their mother has had the ball in her court since day one and is thinking more of herself than her kids. I totally shows when we see her dressed in Gucci, Coach, and Louis Vuitton, while her kids are wearing scrappy clothes with holes and don't even fit them. She has been, and still is, on welfare and collects child support. She does not work and lives in a pretty bad city in section 8 housing. Even thsir schools are ranked really low compared to the schools that we can put them in (we live in the suburbs). There are many times when the kids have come to us with promenent scratches, cuts, bruises, and even a black eye that supposedly happend 'on accident' at school or while at play. His oldest that is 11 is the smallest in his class, a little less than 4 feet and weighs only 60 lbs.
I find this disturbing because we currently see the children almost every weekend and expose them to a steady and safe life that far surpasses the life that the have with their mother. We have asked the children and their mother for more custody but she refuses even if it is in the childrens' wishes. I actually believe that they are afraid to betray their mother or maybe their mother instilled it in their minds already that it is out of the question. I have witnessed and have been told by the children how she discipines them and it consists of yelling all the time, cursing, and even yelling at their father in front of them. We really don't know what to do.
Is there any advice that can be given to help us?
On another note...I have, of course, a custody question...
My husband, in all truth, has not had a steady lifestyle in the past but has made every effort to be a part of his children's lives despite the many times their mother has prevented him to do so. Although, he hasn't had a secure job up until 3 years ago when he joined the US Army he has been steadily paying child support for both children ontop of the back-pay which began the same year his first son was born (and they were still together and he was obviously not working at the time). I myself am a nurse and love his children dearly as if they were really mine. We desperately want to give them a healthy, secure and happy lifestyle which every child deserves but she is making it very difficult for us.
Unfortuneatly, their mother has had the ball in her court since day one and is thinking more of herself than her kids. I totally shows when we see her dressed in Gucci, Coach, and Louis Vuitton, while her kids are wearing scrappy clothes with holes and don't even fit them. She has been, and still is, on welfare and collects child support. She does not work and lives in a pretty bad city in section 8 housing. Even thsir schools are ranked really low compared to the schools that we can put them in (we live in the suburbs). There are many times when the kids have come to us with promenent scratches, cuts, bruises, and even a black eye that supposedly happend 'on accident' at school or while at play. His oldest that is 11 is the smallest in his class, a little less than 4 feet and weighs only 60 lbs.
I find this disturbing because we currently see the children almost every weekend and expose them to a steady and safe life that far surpasses the life that the have with their mother. We have asked the children and their mother for more custody but she refuses even if it is in the childrens' wishes. I actually believe that they are afraid to betray their mother or maybe their mother instilled it in their minds already that it is out of the question. I have witnessed and have been told by the children how she discipines them and it consists of yelling all the time, cursing, and even yelling at their father in front of them. We really don't know what to do.
Is there any advice that can be given to help us?
