If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife
and tell her she just wasn't there for me?

Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because
of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point
right?

Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in
order to fix my prostitute obsession?

Okay, that was more than one question but the future of my marriage
hangs int the balance so I need answers quick.

Thanks in advance,

Goober

Goober wrote: If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me?

Of course! Better that than looking at yerself in the mirror. Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right?

Well, I'd certainly make absolutely certain to stress to her that
leaving is HER decision, completely separate and distinct from my own
actions - hell, she could always choose to stay and live miserably ever
after. Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession?

Oh yes, and make sure the therapist hears all about the childhood issues
and the marital ones that led to your unfortunate, ummm, cry for help.
Muddy up the water, um, insert the shades of grey philosopy "everything
is multi layered and did I tell you what happened to me in Kindergarten"
element, I mean.
Okay, that was more than one question but the future of my marriage hangs int the balance so I need answers quick.

Look at her with those great big goober eyes of yours and start talking
about the "good of the children", that should clinch it.

J, I promise to control my sarcasm in the future
Thanks in advance, Goober

On Fri, 07 Nov 2003 18:25:25 GMT, "FolkArtist"
<burnt_ochre@hotmail.com> wrote:
Goober wrote: If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me?Of course! Better that than looking at yerself in the mirror.
Oh heavens...why would I put myself through the pain of looking in the
mirror....Avoid them at all costs
Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right?Well, I'd certainly make absolutely certain to stress to her thatleaving is HER decision, completely separate and distinct from my ownactions - hell, she could always choose to stay and live miserably everafter.
Living with a guy like me is pure bliss. I could do anything wrong
and she should just knock that leaving crap out of her mind. I worth
the trouble...really I am.
Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession?Oh yes, and make sure the therapist hears all about the childhood issuesand the marital ones that led to your unfortunate, ummm, cry for help.Muddy up the water, um, insert the shades of grey philosopy "everythingis multi layered and did I tell you what happened to me in Kindergarten"element, I mean.
Yes, maybe tell them something like "My sister is a prostitute and I'm
scarred for life".
Or the grey of "if you could only understand how the things that go on
in our marriage is what caused this to happen. Can't you understand
that?"
Okay, that was more than one question but the future of my marriage hangs int the balance so I need answers quick.Look at her with those great big goober eyes of yours and start talkingabout the "good of the children", that should clinch it.
She loves my goober quaulities let me tell ya. Ah yes, the good of
the children. Maybe when junior gets old enough he can have some fun
with good ole dad and learn the tricks of the trade....Yeah, thats the
ticket.
J, I promise to control my sarcasm in the future
Me too... But I can't promise for sure. I enjoy the sarcasm stuff
every now and again.

Goober
Thanks in advance, Goober

Goober <Goober@hotmail.com> writes:
If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me? Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right? Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession?

It interests me that you seem to think these positions have been
stated by someone here. Have they been? Can you find where?

On 07 Nov 2003 10:39:21 -0800, Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com>
wrote:
Goober <Goober@hotmail.com> writes: If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me? Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right? Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession?It interests me that you seem to think these positions have beenstated by someone here. Have they been? Can you find where?

Where up there do I claim anyone stated them here? Are you feeling
guilty of something? Maybe you need to talk this over with your wife.
Carrying around that guilt can hurt a man.

Goober

On Fri, 07 Nov 2003 18:07:17 GMT,
Goober <Goober@hotmail.com> wrote: If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me? Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right? Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession? Okay, that was more than one question but the future of my marriage hangs int the balance so I need answers quick.

One more goober hits the twit file. Bye goober. See you next year.

-Tony

--
"If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
to fertilize your lawn!"
Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

On Fri, 07 Nov 2003 18:25:25 GMT,
FolkArtist <burnt_ochre@hotmail.com> wrote: Goober wrote: If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me? Of course! Better that than looking at yerself in the mirror. Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right? Well, I'd certainly make absolutely certain to stress to her that leaving is HER decision, completely separate and distinct from my own actions - hell, she could always choose to stay and live miserably ever after.

My, my... You ARE Madame Cleo. Do you have your own 900 number?
Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession? Oh yes, and make sure the therapist hears all about the childhood issues and the marital ones that led to your unfortunate, ummm, cry for help. Muddy up the water, um, insert the shades of grey philosopy "everything is multi layered and did I tell you what happened to me in Kindergarten" element, I mean.

Oh boy. Now you know all his issues. Not only are you psychic, you're a
mind reader too.
Okay, that was more than one question but the future of my marriage hangs int the balance so I need answers quick. Look at her with those great big goober eyes of yours and start talking about the "good of the children", that should clinch it. J, I promise to control my sarcasm in the future

That may be next to impossible, because sarcasm and bitterness seem to be
a part of your personality. But you DO serve a purpose. When I read
posts from women like you, I realize how lucky I am being married to my
wife.

-Tony

--
"If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
to fertilize your lawn!"
Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

Goober <Goober@hotmail.com> writes:
On 07 Nov 2003 10:39:21 -0800, Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote:Goober <Goober@hotmail.com> writes: If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me? Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right? Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession?It interests me that you seem to think these positions have beenstated by someone here. Have they been? Can you find where? Where up there do I claim anyone stated them here?

If you don't think that, then what is your point?
Are you feeling guilty of something?

Nope.
Maybe you need to talk this over with your wife. Carrying around that guilt can hurt a man.

Stooping to not-so-veiled insults? Why are you feeling defensive?

On 07 Nov 2003 11:13:55 -0800, Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com>
wrote:
Goober <Goober@hotmail.com> writes: On 07 Nov 2003 10:39:21 -0800, Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote:Goober <Goober@hotmail.com> writes:> If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife> and tell her she just wasn't there for me?>> Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because> of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point> right?>> Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in> order to fix my prostitute obsession?It interests me that you seem to think these positions have beenstated by someone here. Have they been? Can you find where? Where up there do I claim anyone stated them here?If you don't think that, then what is your point?
Maybe I'm stating them. Maybe I really need to know this info in
order to take care of my marriage. This is support.marriage right?
Are you feeling guilty of something?Nope.
Interesting

Maybe you need to talk this over with your wife. Carrying around that guilt can hurt a man.Stooping to not-so-veiled insults? Why are you feeling defensive?

If you want insults I can do that. Do you know sarcasm when you read
it? Come on Doug. We can both play this game.

Goober

You are obviouslya victim of our times and need our emotional support
and compassion.

i

In article <kknnqvs7cs69qagca4oeidc7o3lv5r9gk8@4ax.com>, Goober wrote: If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me? Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right? Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession? Okay, that was more than one question but the future of my marriage hangs int the balance so I need answers quick. Thanks in advance, Goober

"FolkArtist" <burnt_ochre@hotmail.com> writes:
Just as it's your assertion that it isn't. I don't see much ambiguity in the comments I excerpted above.

No, there is no ambiguity, I agree. They just don't advocate that he
should blame his wife, as you seem to think they do.

On 7 Nov 2003 19:36:37 GMT, Ignoramus14327
<ignoramus14327@NOSPAM.14327.invalid> wrote:
You are obviouslya victim of our times and need our emotional supportand compassion.
Thanks for seeing that. Can you all help me with my issues? I've
seen some around here be a little harsh and I wouldn't want to
experience that.

Can you offer any advice? Can you answer any of my questions?

Goober
iIn article <kknnqvs7cs69qagca4oeidc7o3lv5r9gk8@4ax.com>, Goober wrote: If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me? Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right? Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession? Okay, that was more than one question but the future of my marriage hangs int the balance so I need answers quick. Thanks in advance, Goober

In article <7ktnqv0n626p48v93ct7fcce9ka7otikj6@4ax.com>, Goober wrote: On 7 Nov 2003 19:36:37 GMT, Ignoramus14327<ignoramus14327@NOSPAM.14327.invalid> wrote:You are obviouslya victim of our times and need our emotional supportand compassion. Thanks for seeing that. Can you all help me with my issues? I've seen some around here be a little harsh and I wouldn't want to experience that. Can you offer any advice? Can you answer any of my questions?

(((Goober)))

Dear Goober, I am feeling so much compassion towards you! As I said,
you are a victim of our times and the cruel wife of yours is so
insensitive that she does not even know that she is not meeting your
needs and that you are spending your hard earned $$ on prostitutes to
meet your needs. TO add insult to the injury, that disgusting wife of
yours is a control freak, using you as a hostage by threatening to
divorce you. Your wife sounds like an abuser to me and you probably
need to get out to some shelter or something.

i
GooberiIn article <kknnqvs7cs69qagca4oeidc7o3lv5r9gk8@4ax.com>, Goober wrote: If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me? Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right? Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession? Okay, that was more than one question but the future of my marriage hangs int the balance so I need answers quick. Thanks in advance, Goober

"Goober" <Goober@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:kknnqvs7cs69qagca4oeidc7o3lv5r9gk8@4ax.com... If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me? Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right? Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession? Okay, that was more than one question but the future of my marriage hangs int the balance so I need answers quick. Thanks in advance, Goober
What ever you do Goob. Keep that sister in-law out of your business. Frankly
dude, I think she has the hots for ya.

On Fri, 7 Nov 2003 15:18:06 -0600, "Archer" <archer@archer.tzo.com>
wrote:
"Goober" <Goober@hotmail.com> wrote in messagenews:kknnqvs7cs69qagca4oeidc7o3lv5r9gk8@4ax .com... If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me? Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right? Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession? Okay, that was more than one question but the future of my marriage hangs int the balance so I need answers quick. Thanks in advance, GooberWhat ever you do Goob. Keep that sister in-law out of your business. Franklydude, I think she has the hots for ya.
OH man, if you only knew my sister in law you would be stricken by
lightening. She is most certainly not on the top of my list.. As a
matter of fact let me just get this out of the way so I'll feel
better....
Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Okay, that's better. I only have a mother in law to worry about and
she is pretty cool. We all have a good relationship and she stays out
of our matters. She's a keeping along with my wife...

Goober

"Goober" <Goober@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:ed3oqvkei7tser6ur520elfl2fvlkgotn5@4ax.com... On Fri, 7 Nov 2003 15:18:06 -0600, "Archer" <archer@archer.tzo.com> wrote:"Goober" <Goober@hotmail.com> wrote in messagenews:kknnqvs7cs69qagca4oeidc7o3lv5r9gk8@4ax .com... If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me? Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right? Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession? Okay, that was more than one question but the future of my marriage hangs int the balance so I need answers quick. Thanks in advance, GooberWhat ever you do Goob. Keep that sister in-law out of your business.
Franklydude, I think she has the hots for ya. OH man, if you only knew my sister in law you would be stricken by lightening. She is most certainly not on the top of my list.. As a matter of fact let me just get this out of the way so I'll feel better.... Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Okay, that's better. I only have a mother in law to worry about and she is pretty cool. We all have a good relationship and she stays out of our matters. She's a keeping along with my wife... GooberGood. That being that case the first question is why?
What did you get with the hookers that you don't get with the wife?

On Fri, 7 Nov 2003 19:06:22 GMT, Tony Miller <tony@cigardiary.com>
wrote:
On Fri, 07 Nov 2003 18:07:17 GMT, Goober <Goober@hotmail.com> wrote: If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me? Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right? Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession? Okay, that was more than one question but the future of my marriage hangs int the balance so I need answers quick.One more goober hits the twit file. Bye goober. See you next year.
Allright!!!! I hit a twit file. That's a new one for me. You do know
sarcasm when you see it right. They're seems to be many people here
who just take the newgroups too seriously.

This whole post was sarcasm. Read up and twit me then.

Goober
-Tony

"Goober"
asked more than one question. I only have one answer for them all:

If you are an adult it is OK to do whatever you want. Beware the
consequences though.

Amy

"Goober" <Goober@hotmail.com> wrote: If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me?

You're kidding, right? You had quite a while to address the situation
with your wife -- years, in fact, if your reporting above is accurate --
and apparently you didn't confront the matter. So there's no pointing
fingers of blame at her at this point. Time to take responsiblity
for your own actions and inactions... not reasonable at this
pont to be assigning any blame to her.

CJ

Marcus Ulpius Traianus wrote:
Respected, rarely. Condoned depends on whether you meant socially or legally... laws against prostitution mostly date from the late 19th Century, and prior to that through most of European and American history it was considered disreputable but largely legal.

Yes, I wasn't talking about legality. But from all that I've heard in most
societies (not only western) prostitution, though common, was not respected for
both the prostitutes and men who used them.
Formal polygamy has never been condoned by western (now Roman Catholic and Protestant) Christian churches ... I don't know about in the Eastern churches. Except for the Mormons and a few other minor sects, of course. It was also not really an accepted practice in pre-Christian Roman times.

And I don't know why. It seems that it has been the norm in much of the world.
Maybe someone who knows the history of western civilization better than me can shed some light on it. But I can only guess that for some reason it was decided that multiple wives wasn't good for society. Things are rarely "decided for the good of society" ... when someone or a group tries to do that, and to force things on people, _in general_ it fails. Things evolve naturally, or tend to fail as soon as the force behind them is removed.

I agree. But what you call natural evolution usually happens because of a reason.
Things that can devastate a society or destabilize it don't take off. When I said
"it was decided" I didn't mean decreed by a person or some people (my choice of
words wasn't appropriate). I meant that at some point social norms shifted
towards that because that's what made more sense, was socially acceptable, or
could make the society thrive better.

Ellie <ellie_first@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<3FADBE0C.2F55B09C@hotmail.com>... Things are rarely "decided for the good of society" ... when someone or a group tries to do that, and to force things on people, _in general_ it fails. Things evolve naturally, or tend to fail as soon as the force behind them is removed. I agree. But what you call natural evolution usually happens because of a reason. Things that can devastate a society or destabilize it don't take off. When I said "it was decided" I didn't mean decreed by a person or some people (my choice of words wasn't appropriate). I meant that at some point social norms shifted towards that because that's what made more sense, was socially acceptable, or could make the society thrive better.

How about the rise of agriculture and land ownership?

Maternity can never be questioned - you always know from which woman a
child was born. Paternity, OTOH, can always be questioned (short of
genetic testing). Cultural enforcement of monogamy and fidelity is a
way in which a man can be assured that his children are his own, and
not someone else's. In that way, it benefits both men and women.

In cultures in which land ownership is practiced, this sort of system
is quite beneficial, as it eliminates the confusion over heirs.

jen

shinypenny <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote: Maternity can never be questioned - you always know from which woman a child was born. Paternity, OTOH, can always be questioned (short of genetic testing). Cultural enforcement of monogamy and fidelity is a way in which a man can be assured that his children are his own, and not someone else's. In that way, it benefits both men and women.

The other way of doing things is a matrilineal system where in general men
didn't care for their own children; instead, under these systems the key
relationships were maternal and _avuncular_ -- the men in a kin group would
look after their sisters and their sisters' children.

In article <kknnqvs7cs69qagca4oeidc7o3lv5r9gk8@4ax.com>,
Goober@hotmail.com says... If I visit a prostitute for a few years is it okay if I blame my wife and tell her she just wasn't there for me?

There is no EXCUSE for seeing someone else, though there might be an
EXPLANATION. To fix the relationship you must first identify the
problem. Do you want to fix the relationship?
Should I tell her that it would be her fault if she leaves me because of it as she made the decision to leave? I am guiltless at that point right?

Damaging the relationship in that way causes severe damage to the
trust in a relationship. You both damaged the relationship, but you
took it to a pretty bad level.
Should I insist she stay with me while we go to therapy together in order to fix my prostitute obsession?

Only if you both are sincere in wanting to fix things. If the problem
was she wouldn't do certain things, then she will probably never
change. If the problem was that she would not do anything, then, the
problem is still severe. You must ask yourself, how much do you love
her? Because it will take a lot of work and a lot of time (we're
talking 1-5 years here) to work this out.


--
"Tis better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove
all doubt."