My husband and I have been married for a year now. We had what I thought was a
very healthy and loving relationship. Of course we had arguments over things
like finances or chores, but never anything to big.

Two months ago we moved to a new apartment. It was closer to his job and I
thought it would help the little bit of tension that had grown between us
because of his and my work schedules. I worked first shift and he second. But
now we would have less travel time and he would be with me more.

Then about a week after we move in his behavior started to change. The sweet
man I once knew had started to become cold and unaffectionate. He began going
out "with the guys" a lot, when he never did before. I started to feel
suspicious of his actions and began watching him and looking around the house
for clues. But I never expected to find what I did.

First motel receipts and then a woman's phone number from work. He claimed it
was nothing, they were friends, That she too was a married woman. But then I
found love notes she wrote to him. I felt completely betrayed and also a fool
for believing him. I begged him to tell me the truth. but it was always the
same from him, nothing went on. Even when the phone records came and her number
was all over it, all hours of the night, he kept up his lies.

His behavior became more physically aggresive and verbally abusive. Up to a
point where he pushed me out of his way to get car keys and I fell into a
floor-length mirror and baddly injured myself. I've been on crutches for two
weeks. And only after 2 days of me being home from the hospital he comes home
from work, tells me we are through and leaves with our car.

He even went as far as maxing out our credit cards and cleaning out our bank
account. I had to go to his parents for help to pay our rent.

Now tonight after not hearing from him for almost 2 weeks and him not taking my
calls at work and after everything he did he called. And on the phone says he
wants a divorce, that he doesn't love me and still gives no reasons. He tells
me he is taking the car and I can have everything else. He said I can figure
out how to pay the rent and everything else by myself. He said maybe he'll
think about helping a little bit, maybe.

I cried and pleaded with him on the phone. But deep down I knew it was not
going to fix anything. And now here I am trying to figure out what to do.

My mom is supportive but it is hard to listen to her advise when I still love
him so. Deep down I still wish we could work things out, but I don't have that
much faith it could happen. I want to get revenge one second and then I just
wish this was a bad dream. i am so confused.

So do I just wipe my hands from him and get a lawyer. Do I file for divorce or
wait for him to. I just wish I had the strength to do what is right. I never
thought this would happen to us.

Kim

"Kim " <kthompson1013@aol.com> wrote: So do I just wipe my hands from him and get a lawyer. Do I file for
divorce or wait for him to.

Here's counsel from someone who's not emotionally involved in your
situation: get a lawyer... get out of this supposed "marriage"... and
get on with your life... hopefully with someone down the road
who has much more consistency and dependablity than this fellow.

I mean really, from where I sit, it's a no-brainer -- you may love
this person all you want, but I might suggest to you that your love
for him is perhaps as healthy as an alcoholic's love for booze...
it's just toxic for you, and very hard to suggest that your being
with this fellow, even if he were to come back to you, would
at all be healthy for you or in your own best interest.

And it's not that you're at all a bad person, but only that the guy
you married is, well, just not a stand up sort of fellow. Or at
the very least, not someone that I'd deem is good for your mental
health.

And that's about the best I can say about all of that.

Hope that perspective if of some help,
CJ

kthompson1013@aol.com (Kim ) writes:
snip I cried and pleaded with him on the phone. But deep down I knew it was not going to fix anything. And now here I am trying to figure out what to do. My mom is supportive but it is hard to listen to her advise when I still love him so. Deep down I still wish we could work things out, but I don't have that much faith it could happen. I want to get revenge one second and then I just wish this was a bad dream. i am so confused.

Two suggestions:

1) Learn why you love this abusive person so much, and why you would want
to "work it out" given the way he has treated you. Go see counseling
if you can't figure out why you need to punish yourself this way.

2) Go nextdoor to alt.support.divorce.

"Kim " <kthompson1013@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20031103012856.26109.00000248@mb-m16.aol.com...
| My husband and I have been married for a year now. We had what I thought
was a
| very healthy and loving relationship. Of course we had arguments over
things
| like finances or chores, but never anything to big.
|
| Two months ago we moved to a new apartment. It was closer to his job and I
| thought it would help the little bit of tension that had grown between us
| because of his and my work schedules. I worked first shift and he second.
But
| now we would have less travel time and he would be with me more.
|
| Then about a week after we move in his behavior started to change. The
sweet
| man I once knew had started to become cold and unaffectionate. He began
going
| out "with the guys" a lot, when he never did before. I started to feel
| suspicious of his actions and began watching him and looking around the
house
| for clues. But I never expected to find what I did.

He clearly wasn't ready for marriage, for a relationship or even friendship
with you, or any animal, vegetable or mineral. The most cruellest thing
he's done, I think (besides from knocking you over) is not giving you a real
reason why he's taken off. If anything, I think you will be strong enough
to handle divorce papers, and the rent on your own, but if I were you, the
one thing I'd be wanting to do is track his wimp-*** down and get the truth
from him, even if it's only for him to admit he's got no balls.

On 03 Nov 2003 06:28:56 GMT, kthompson1013@aol.com (Kim ) wrote:
My husband and I have been married for a year now. We had what I thought was avery healthy and loving relationship. Of course we had arguments over thingslike finances or chores, but never anything to big.
<snip>

Congratulations, You're Free !!!!

If you want revenge, just think "Bobbitt"
OR
Write a whiney country song called "A N U D D E R D I V O R C E"
and on the flip side, the song "My Cow Left Me An Stold My Truck"

Kim wrote:
<snip>
My mom is supportive but it is hard to listen to her advise when I still love him so. Deep down I still wish we could work things out, but I don't have that much faith it could happen. I want to get revenge one second and then I just wish this was a bad dream. i am so confused.

I'm hoping the "deep down" of your love will soon enter the core of your
being and then exit through the normal channels. ahem. So do I just wipe my hands from him and get a lawyer. Do I file for divorce or wait for him to. I just wish I had the strength to do what is right. I never thought this would happen to us.

You have the strength. Strong enough to stay in that nightmare, strong
enough to leave.

Good luck.

J Kim

Please accept my condolences as well as congratulations. It is great
that you did not waste too much time on that individual.

i

In article <20031103012856.26109.00000248@mb-m16.aol.com>, Kim wrote: My husband and I have been married for a year now. We had what I thought was a very healthy and loving relationship. Of course we had arguments over things like finances or chores, but never anything to big. Two months ago we moved to a new apartment. It was closer to his job and I thought it would help the little bit of tension that had grown between us because of his and my work schedules. I worked first shift and he second. But now we would have less travel time and he would be with me more. Then about a week after we move in his behavior started to change. The sweet man I once knew had started to become cold and unaffectionate. He began going out "with the guys" a lot, when he never did before. I started to feel suspicious of his actions and began watching him and looking around the house for clues. But I never expected to find what I did. First motel receipts and then a woman's phone number from work. He claimed it was nothing, they were friends, That she too was a married woman. But then I found love notes she wrote to him. I felt completely betrayed and also a fool for believing him. I begged him to tell me the truth. but it was always the same from him, nothing went on. Even when the phone records came and her number was all over it, all hours of the night, he kept up his lies. His behavior became more physically aggresive and verbally abusive. Up to a point where he pushed me out of his way to get car keys and I fell into a floor-length mirror and baddly injured myself. I've been on crutches for two weeks. And only after 2 days of me being home from the hospital he comes home from work, tells me we are through and leaves with our car. He even went as far as maxing out our credit cards and cleaning out our bank account. I had to go to his parents for help to pay our rent. Now tonight after not hearing from him for almost 2 weeks and him not taking my calls at work and after everything he did he called. And on the phone says he wants a divorce, that he doesn't love me and still gives no reasons. He tells me he is taking the car and I can have everything else. He said I can figure out how to pay the rent and everything else by myself. He said maybe he'll think about helping a little bit, maybe. I cried and pleaded with him on the phone. But deep down I knew it was not going to fix anything. And now here I am trying to figure out what to do. My mom is supportive but it is hard to listen to her advise when I still love him so. Deep down I still wish we could work things out, but I don't have that much faith it could happen. I want to get revenge one second and then I just wish this was a bad dream. i am so confused. So do I just wipe my hands from him and get a lawyer. Do I file for divorce or wait for him to. I just wish I had the strength to do what is right. I never thought this would happen to us. Kim

On 03 Nov 2003 06:28:56 GMT,
Kim <kthompson1013@aol.com> wrote:

<Snip>
So do I just wipe my hands from him and get a lawyer. Do I file for divorce or wait for him to. I just wish I had the strength to do what is right. I never thought this would happen to us.

Get a good lawyer and find out how to best protect yourself. Any kids?
Kim

-Tony

--
"If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
to fertilize your lawn!"
Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

"Kim " <kthompson1013@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20031103012856.26109.00000248@mb-m16.aol.com... My husband and I have been married for a year now. We had what I thought
was a very healthy and loving relationship. Of course we had arguments over
things like finances or chores, but never anything to big. Two months ago we moved to a new apartment. It was closer to his job and I thought it would help the little bit of tension that had grown between us because of his and my work schedules. I worked first shift and he second.
But now we would have less travel time and he would be with me more. Then about a week after we move in his behavior started to change. The
sweet man I once knew had started to become cold and unaffectionate. He began
going out "with the guys" a lot, when he never did before. I started to feel suspicious of his actions and began watching him and looking around the
house for clues. But I never expected to find what I did. First motel receipts and then a woman's phone number from work. He claimed
it was nothing, they were friends, That she too was a married woman. But then
I found love notes she wrote to him. I felt completely betrayed and also a
fool for believing him. I begged him to tell me the truth. but it was always
the same from him, nothing went on. Even when the phone records came and her
number was all over it, all hours of the night, he kept up his lies. His behavior became more physically aggresive and verbally abusive. Up to
a point where he pushed me out of his way to get car keys and I fell into a floor-length mirror and baddly injured myself. I've been on crutches for
two weeks. And only after 2 days of me being home from the hospital he comes
home from work, tells me we are through and leaves with our car. He even went as far as maxing out our credit cards and cleaning out our
bank account. I had to go to his parents for help to pay our rent. Now tonight after not hearing from him for almost 2 weeks and him not
taking my calls at work and after everything he did he called. And on the phone says
he wants a divorce, that he doesn't love me and still gives no reasons. He
tells me he is taking the car and I can have everything else. He said I can
figure out how to pay the rent and everything else by myself. He said maybe he'll think about helping a little bit, maybe. I cried and pleaded with him on the phone. But deep down I knew it was not going to fix anything. And now here I am trying to figure out what to do. My mom is supportive but it is hard to listen to her advise when I still
love him so. Deep down I still wish we could work things out, but I don't have
that much faith it could happen. I want to get revenge one second and then I
just wish this was a bad dream. i am so confused. So do I just wipe my hands from him and get a lawyer. Do I file for
divorce or wait for him to. I just wish I had the strength to do what is right. I
never thought this would happen to us.

Divorce is a given.

More important than anything, though, you need to find out why you like
being treated like crap.

Thank you everyone for your advise and support.

I know deep down inside I cannot be with a person like this and that I
shouldn't want to. I hope in time that I will be able to better understand what
went wrong and stop myself from ever being in a mess like this again.

Luckily there are no kids involved. And I actually have an appointment to see a
lawyer tomorrow. My family suggested that I also join some kind of support
group so I can talk to people and move on with my life.

I have my good days and bad days. When I wish we were together still it is
because I think of the old times we had. But I can't be a fool and want to be
with him.

Now I will get my revenge by getting anything and everything I can through the
divorce.

Thanks for all the support.

Kim

kthompson1013@aol.com (Kim ) wrote in message news:<20031103231203.03153.00000089@mb-m25.aol.com>... Thank you everyone for your advise and support.

Good luck with your life, Kim. And go for it - that man deserves
whatever your barracuda of a lawyer can wrench from his hands. I hope
you leave him destitute - it is more than he deserves.

God Speed!
Tina

Kim <kthompson1013@aol.com> wrote: Now I will get my revenge by getting anything and everything I can through the divorce.

That's silly, and while it's probably not enough to drag you down to his
level, it's still unbecoming a reasonable and good person.

You've been married all of a year, IIRC you don't have a child yet, and
hopefully you two avoided joint debt... just get out, if there are any joint
assets, take your fair share, and get on with your life.

On 4 Nov 2003 09:18:30 -0800,
Tina <tnydam@hotmail.com> wrote: kthompson1013@aol.com (Kim ) wrote in message news:<20031103231203.03153.00000089@mb-m25.aol.com>... Thank you everyone for your advise and support. Good luck with your life, Kim. And go for it - that man deserves whatever your barracuda of a lawyer can wrench from his hands. I hope you leave him destitute - it is more than he deserves.

As much as I'm not a fan of punative lawsuits, I hope this guy gets
squeezed until he screams.

-Tony

--
"If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
to fertilize your lawn!"
Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

"Kim " <kthompson1013@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20031103231203.03153.00000089@mb-m25.aol.com...
Now I will get my revenge by getting anything and everything I can through
the divorce.

Unless you two have a house or lots of stuff together (and I mean real stuff
that's going to matter in ten years - not a $500.00 TV and a sofa), I'd just
walk. There is almost no reason to drag this out - you've been married a
year, and have no kids. Move on with your life.

you remind me of Jaycee somewhat (however she spelled her name), because you
seem to have this thing about being deeply in love with an idiot. Do a
google search for her posts and read - you *don't* want to be like that.

JWB

On Tue, 4 Nov 2003 09:39:46 -0800,
Marcus Ulpius Traianus <trajan@sfchat.org> wrote: Kim <kthompson1013@aol.com> wrote: Now I will get my revenge by getting anything and everything I can through the divorce. That's silly, and while it's probably not enough to drag you down to his level, it's still unbecoming a reasonable and good person.

This fellow needs to be punished. Clearing out accounts, trying to hide
assets while HE is abusing his wife?!?!?!?!? (This is assuming that
everything she told us is true and there isn't any other story.)
You've been married all of a year, IIRC you don't have a child yet, and hopefully you two avoided joint debt... just get out, if there are any joint assets, take your fair share, and get on with your life.

The guy should be smacked hard, so that he thinks twice about doing this
to the next girl.

-Tony

--
"If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
to fertilize your lawn!"
Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

Thanks Tony and Tina for the support.

To the others I don't see anything wrong with going after him for what i can
get. I supported him for two years while he finished school and got a job. I
gave a lot up and I did not deserve what I got.

I may have only been married a year but we were together and lived together a
while before getting married. I don't think he should get off scott free and
think he can do this to someone else, especially the abuse.

Thanks again to everyone who gave kind words and support.

Kim

On 04 Nov 2003 04:12:03 GMT, kthompson1013@aol.com (Kim ) wrote:
Thank you everyone for your advise and support.I know deep down inside I cannot be with a person like this and that Ishouldn't want to. I hope in time that I will be able to better understand whatwent wrong and stop myself from ever being in a mess like this again.

Started out sounding healthy...
Now I will get my revenge by getting anything and everything I can through thedivorce.

I don't think that will have much of a healing effect on you. You'll
end up carrying him around and probably poison future relationships
for years. Probably better to just walk away if you're going to walk.

- Randy

Tony Miller <tony@cigardiary.com> wrote in message news:<slrnbqg2p2.89u.tony@callisto.jtan.com>... On Tue, 4 Nov 2003 09:39:46 -0800, Marcus Ulpius Traianus <trajan@sfchat.org> wrote: Kim <kthompson1013@aol.com> wrote: Now I will get my revenge by getting anything and everything I can through the divorce. That's silly, and while it's probably not enough to drag you down to his level, it's still unbecoming a reasonable and good person. This fellow needs to be punished. Clearing out accounts, trying to hide assets while HE is abusing his wife?!?!?!?!? (This is assuming that everything she told us is true and there isn't any other story.)


I think there may be a balance between the two. I don't think it's
Kim's job to punish him, and ultimately she'll only be prolonging her
own misery if she takes up that task.

However, I also don't think it would hurt her healing process if she
stood up to him and asked for what is fair and rightly hers. This is
different than taking him to the cleaners. It's not about revenge,
it's about retaining her dignity, and perhaps also about getting some
closure so she can move on. I can understand wanting closure.

The difficulty will be for Kim to walk the fine line between revenge,
and doing what's fair and reasonable for her. For example, if the
lawyer's fees exceed the amount of her share of the stolen assets,
then it makes sense not to go after those assets, no matter how
tempting!

jen

"rj0719" <rj0719@bresnan.net> writes:
Ok, you made it easy and it worked for your situation. He took the car, maxed out credit cards and cleaned out the bank account. There is a big difference here.

Regardless, she is talking about vengeance. As long as that is what
she is going through, she is still _in_ the relationship and not
looking forward. Her choice.

"Doug Anderson" <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1yvfpy69wi.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu... "rj0719" <rj0719@bresnan.net> writes: Ok, you made it easy and it worked for your situation. He took the car, maxed out credit cards and cleaned out the bank account. There is a big difference here. Regardless, she is talking about vengeance. As long as that is what she is going through, she is still _in_ the relationship and not looking forward. Her choice.

You don't see a difference in the two? It's not about revenge, it's about
fairness. If she worked to help put him through school and now he'll
*think* about helping her untill she can get on her feet, that's just not
right. Even without talking about the abuse, cheating, and taking assets
it's still not right.

rj

"rj0719" <rj0719@bresnan.net> wrote in message
news:n2aqb.112671$Fm2.100830@attbi_s04... "Doug Anderson" <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1yvfpy69wi.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu... "rj0719" <rj0719@bresnan.net> writes: Ok, you made it easy and it worked for your situation. He took the
car, maxed out credit cards and cleaned out the bank account. There is a
big difference here. Regardless, she is talking about vengeance. As long as that is what she is going through, she is still _in_ the relationship and not looking forward. Her choice. You don't see a difference in the two? It's not about revenge, it's about fairness. If she worked to help put him through school and now he'll *think* about helping her untill she can get on her feet, that's just not right. Even without talking about the abuse, cheating, and taking assets it's still not right.

It almost doesn't matter if it's "right" or not.

I would agree with you more had the OP not posted and said how much she
really loved him and how much of an obvious doormat she let herself become.
I see this not as logical, cold "mine / yours - let's get a settlement", but
emotion driven "I'll show you"... meaning she is not ready to forget about
him.

JWB

"rj0719" <rj0719@bresnan.net> writes:
"Doug Anderson" <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1yvfpy69wi.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu... "rj0719" <rj0719@bresnan.net> writes: Ok, you made it easy and it worked for your situation. He took the car, maxed out credit cards and cleaned out the bank account. There is a big difference here. Regardless, she is talking about vengeance. As long as that is what she is going through, she is still _in_ the relationship and not looking forward. Her choice. You don't see a difference in the two? It's not about revenge, it's about fairness.

Actually she said _precisely_ that it is about vengeance.

They've been married a year. If I were her brother, I'd say "I'm
sorry he's such a bastard. But the sooner you move on, the happier
you'll be."

>It's not about revenge, it's about fairness.

I don't see how you can look at what she's writing and
say it's not about revenge or payback. A person who is
solely interested in fairness will word things differently.
'I paid for everything during the time they were in school
and believe I should get a larger amount of the assets due
to the fact that I did' is an example of someone who truly
believes that they're trying to be fair. That's not what
Kim's writing.

And, just to be honest about this, I'm not all that against
revenge or payback. I was totally willing at one point to
do some things that were *totally* motivated by revenge but
I admitted it up front.

Tracey

> > You don't see a difference in the two? It's not about revenge, it's about fairness. If she worked to help put him through school and now he'll *think* about helping her untill she can get on her feet, that's just not right. Even without talking about the abuse, cheating, and taking assets it's still not right.
I have to agree here. She needs to "take him for a ride" simply
because if she lets him walk away on his terms, she's being walked on
AGAIN. Noone deserves that and this "man", if you want to call him
that, should not be allowed to just walk away scott free.

You go girl!

"Tina" <tnydam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:19107048.0311051551.74e4658d@posting.google.c om... You don't see a difference in the two? It's not about revenge, it's
about fairness. If she worked to help put him through school and now he'll *think* about helping her untill she can get on her feet, that's just
not right. Even without talking about the abuse, cheating, and taking
assets it's still not right. I have to agree here. She needs to "take him for a ride" simply because if she lets him walk away on his terms, she's being walked on AGAIN. Noone deserves that and this "man", if you want to call him that, should not be allowed to just walk away scott free. You go girl!

You are assuming that he will lay down and not hire his own lawyer.
Remember, there are two sides to the story, even if what she is telling us
is mostly true (it's not like he's going to say "yea, I was wrong"... no
matter what, I'm quite certain he thinks he's right and justified). Just a
gut feeling, but I doubt there's enough money / stuff to fight over to pay
any substantial legal fees.

Is revenge worth losing money?

To me, the best way to not be a doormat any more is to not let him affect
her. By her going for revenge, she's still letting HIM be in control of her.

JWB

On Thu, 06 Nov 2003 02:26:03 GMT, "JWB" <jwbSPAMBEGONE3333@excite.com>
wrote:
"Tina" <tnydam@hotmail.com> wrote in messagenews:19107048.0311051551.74e4658d@posting.g oogle.com... > > You don't see a difference in the two? It's not about revenge, it'sabout > fairness. If she worked to help put him through school and now he'll > *think* about helping her untill she can get on her feet, that's justnot > right. Even without talking about the abuse, cheating, and takingassets > it's still not right. I have to agree here. She needs to "take him for a ride" simply because if she lets him walk away on his terms, she's being walked on AGAIN. Noone deserves that and this "man", if you want to call him that, should not be allowed to just walk away scott free. You go girl!You are assuming that he will lay down and not hire his own lawyer.Remember, there are two sides to the story, even if what she is telling usis mostly true (it's not like he's going to say "yea, I was wrong"... nomatter what, I'm quite certain he thinks he's right and justified). Just agut feeling, but I doubt there's enough money / stuff to fight over to payany substantial legal fees.Is revenge worth losing money?To me, the best way to not be a doormat any more is to not let him affecther. By her going for revenge, she's still letting HIM be in control of her.JWB
People forget what is important. There is nothing important about
stuff. Learning to move on is prolly more important. Many of us have
who have faced the lost of everything, learn very quickly what is
*really* important.

" You are assuming that he will lay down and not hire his own lawyer. Remember, there are two sides to the story, even if what she is telling us is mostly true (it's not like he's going to say "yea, I was wrong"... no matter what, I'm quite certain he thinks he's right and justified). Just a gut feeling, but I doubt there's enough money / stuff to fight over to pay any substantial legal fees. Is revenge worth losing money? To me, the best way to not be a doormat any more is to not let him affect her. By her going for revenge, she's still letting HIM be in control of her. JWB

Dear JWB,

DAMN! I hate it when a guy makes sense! (LOL!) You're absolutely
right. I have suddenly changed my preception of what she should do.
You're right, JWB. She should probably just move on and enjoy her new
life - the best revenge is being happier without him.


Tina

"Tina" <tnydam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:19107048.0311061643.70884acf@posting.google.c om... " You are assuming that he will lay down and not hire his own lawyer. Remember, there are two sides to the story, even if what she is telling
us is mostly true (it's not like he's going to say "yea, I was wrong"... no matter what, I'm quite certain he thinks he's right and justified). Just
a gut feeling, but I doubt there's enough money / stuff to fight over to
pay any substantial legal fees. Is revenge worth losing money? To me, the best way to not be a doormat any more is to not let him
affect her. By her going for revenge, she's still letting HIM be in control of
her. JWB Dear JWB, DAMN! I hate it when a guy makes sense! (LOL!) You're absolutely right. I have suddenly changed my preception of what she should do. You're right, JWB. She should probably just move on and enjoy her new life - the best revenge is being happier without him.

being happy without him is by far the best thing. To me, the worst thing for
him is realizing he doesn't matter

Now, if only my wife listened to me.... :)

> being happy without him is by far the best thing. To me, the worst thing for him is realizing he doesn't matter Now, if only my wife listened to me.... :)

Yeah, and if my soon to be ex would only listen to me....... In Our
Dreams, huh??/ LOL

On 7 Nov 2003 10:38:02 -0800, tnydam@hotmail.com (Tina) wrote:
being happy without him is by far the best thing. To me, the worst thing for him is realizing he doesn't matter Now, if only my wife listened to me.... :)Yeah, and if my soon to be ex would only listen to me....... In OurDreams, huh??/ LOL

Hey my ex-husband thinks I know everything (he said that when he has
called me for advice). I got real smart after we were no longer
married. Funny before we were married he also though I was real smart.


"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure
and never simple." -- Oscar Wilde

In article <20031103012856.26109.00000248@mb-m16.aol.com>,
kthompson1013@aol.com says... His behavior became more physically aggresive and verbally abusive. Up to a point where he pushed me out of his way to get car keys and I fell into a floor-length mirror and baddly injured myself. I've been on crutches for two weeks. And only after 2 days of me being home from the hospital he comes home from work, tells me we are through and leaves with our car.

First of all, don't block his path and push the violence to the next
level. That was a mistake. After all, if you loved him, you wouldn't
push things to the next level.

In article <20031103231203.03153.00000089@mb-m25.aol.com>,
kthompson1013@aol.com says... Now I will get my revenge by getting anything and everything I can through the divorce.
You will only make yourself sicker by fueling your own anger. Just
let it go and get on with your life. Be glad you didn't waste more
time with this guy.

In article <20031104230945.02978.00000261@mb-m06.aol.com>,
kthompson1013@aol.com says... Thanks Tony and Tina for the support. To the others I don't see anything wrong with going after him for what i can get. I supported him for two years while he finished school and got a job. I gave a lot up and I did not deserve what I got.
I know you may be angry but to actually follow through and get your
"revenge" shows you're not much of a catch yourself, and are pretty
immature.

"Tis better to let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth
and remove all doubt."

In article <19107048.0311051551.74e4658d@posting.google.com>,
tnydam@hotmail.com says... You don't see a difference in the two? It's not about revenge, it's about fairness. If she worked to help put him through school and now he'll *think* about helping her untill she can get on her feet, that's just not right. Even without talking about the abuse, cheating, and taking assets it's still not right. I have to agree here. She needs to "take him for a ride" simply because if she lets him walk away on his terms, she's being walked on AGAIN. Noone deserves that and this "man", if you want to call him that, should not be allowed to just walk away scott free.

I disagree. If she allows herself to become angry, THEN he's still
got control of her. If she can control herself and not get vengence,
then she's not letting him get to her anymore.

In article <19107048.0311051551.74e4658d@posting.google.com>,
tnydam@hotmail.com says... You don't see a difference in the two? It's not about revenge, it's about fairness. If she worked to help put him through school and now he'll *think* about helping her untill she can get on her feet, that's just not right. Even without talking about the abuse, cheating, and taking assets it's still not right. I have to agree here. She needs to "take him for a ride" simply because if she lets him walk away on his terms, she's being walked on AGAIN. Noone deserves that and this "man", if you want to call him that, should not be allowed to just walk away scott free.

Not only what I said in my last post, but if she tries to get
vengence using a lawyer, she will likely lose most of her assets
trying to pay for a lawyer. There IS something to be said to just
divide stuff in half, then get it over with.

In article <kZaqb.112112$HS4.970881@attbi_s01>, rj0719@bresnan.net
says... If what she is talking about amounts to no more than say $1500, I might alter my opinion a little. On the other hand, you've got to take into account that the debt charged on credit cards could be very high, especially if they are maxed out. No reason for her to take a $1500 loss and have to repay huge credit card debt too.

I do have to say that it was VERY stupid of him to charge up the
credit cards. He should have to pay for EVERYTHING he charged on the
CC, because it was surely done with malice aforethought. If it was a
woman that charged up the CC then SHE should have to pay for all she
charged. But I don't think the law does that. I think each person
must take 50% of the debt since they were technically married when
the debt was accrued.


--
"Tis better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove
all doubt."

In article <slrnbqg2p2.89u.tony@callisto.jtan.com>,
tony@cigardiary.com says... On Tue, 4 Nov 2003 09:39:46 -0800, Marcus Ulpius Traianus <trajan@sfchat.org> wrote: Kim <kthompson1013@aol.com> wrote: Now I will get my revenge by getting anything and everything I can through the divorce. That's silly, and while it's probably not enough to drag you down to his level, it's still unbecoming a reasonable and good person. This fellow needs to be punished. Clearing out accounts, trying to hide assets while HE is abusing his wife?!?!?!?!? (This is assuming that everything she told us is true and there isn't any other story.)
I don't think he was "abusing" his wife anymore than she abused him.
Husbands and wives scream and fight all the time, right? Perhaps she
refused to get out of his way which is why he pushed her? That means
SHE is the one who took things to the next level by blocking his
path. Blocking his path was a hostile move on her part.

--
"Tis better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove
all doubt."

In article <SXvpb.70863$pT1.9415@twister.nyc.rr.com>,
jwbSPAMBEGONE3333@excite.com says... More important than anything, though, you need to find out why you like being treated like crap.

Don't assume he was the one who started the crap. Women are known to
not be able to control themselves. Abuse goes both ways, physical or
verbal. It's just not against the law to verbally abuse someone. I
think that's a major factor in guys filing for divorce. They have had
enough of the verbal abuse and the poor communication skills of the
woman. If she often started the yelling and screaming, that would be
enough to make anyone mad.

--
"Tis better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove
all doubt."

Kim wrote:
Thank you everyone for your advise and support. I know deep down inside I cannot be with a person like this and that I shouldn't want to. I hope in time that I will be able to better understand what went wrong and stop myself from ever being in a mess like this again. Luckily there are no kids involved. And I actually have an appointment to see a lawyer tomorrow. My family suggested that I also join some kind of support group so I can talk to people and move on with my life. I have my good days and bad days. When I wish we were together still it is because I think of the old times we had. But I can't be a fool and want to be with him. Now I will get my revenge by getting anything and everything I can through the divorce. Thanks for all the support. Kim

Kim,
You can reach Knight in Shiney Armor Guy at:

lazyike@earthlink.net

You may or may not get an immediate reply BUT I...err he saves
ALL important e-mails...

BIG HUGS!
Ike

"Go_Chiefs" <lazyike@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:xW8Ab.632$rP6.12@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink .net...
Lets see her credit is ruined for the next SEVEN years. This means NO CAR unless she buys a $400 P2P sale. She is restricted to any Apartment that does not ask for a Application Fee (credit check).. She can not apply for student loans nor any new credit cards... Her financial life is FUBAR all because this guy like you is a self centered prick...

Nothing like coming to the party late. This was what, a month ago? Is that
your thing, troll around for month-old topics and throw around insults? I'll
bet you're really good at coming up with snappy comebacks a week after the
fact.

JWB