My relationship with my son is spiraling downhill, out of control, very
quickly. I was raised that the father of the house works to support the
family, at all costs. It isn't the father's job to nurture, his job is to
be stern. This has become ingrained in me and it is tearing us apart and I
don't know how to stop it. I have tried to change my thought process but
this has become too ingrained in me and I need outside help to change this
before it is too late. My son is 12 years old and he has gone so far as to
say he hates me and wishes I wasn't around anymore, that I were only a
ghost.
I have looked and searched for how to get help and can't find anything. My
wife either can't help or won't help. I know I have to change the way I
"father" but have no idea where to go. I live in Oregon, about 35 SW of the
Portland area. If anyone can help point me in a direction of where to go
please help me.
Doug
E-mail - fuglbon at hotmail dot com
rg
09-26-2003, 06:43 AM
"Nunya" <nunya@urbiz.org> wrote in message
news:XNScb.340970$2x.104378@rwcrnsc52.ops.asp.att. net... My relationship with my son is spiraling downhill, out of control, very quickly. I was raised that the father of the house works to support the family, at all costs. It isn't the father's job to nurture, his job is to be stern. This has become ingrained in me and it is tearing us apart and
I don't know how to stop it. I have tried to change my thought process but this has become too ingrained in me and I need outside help to change this before it is too late. My son is 12 years old and he has gone so far as
to say he hates me and wishes I wasn't around anymore, that I were only a ghost. I have looked and searched for how to get help and can't find anything.
My wife either can't help or won't help. I know I have to change the way I "father" but have no idea where to go. I live in Oregon, about 35 SW of
the Portland area. If anyone can help point me in a direction of where to go please help me. Doug E-mail - fuglbon at hotmail dot com
Look in your yellow pages under Psychologists/Family Counselors.
Get busy.
rg
Doug Anderson
09-26-2003, 08:13 AM
"Nunya" <nunya@urbiz.org> writes:
My relationship with my son is spiraling downhill, out of control, very quickly. I was raised that the father of the house works to support the family, at all costs. It isn't the father's job to nurture, his job is to be stern. This has become ingrained in me and it is tearing us apart and I don't know how to stop it. I have tried to change my thought process but this has become too ingrained in me and I need outside help to change this before it is too late. My son is 12 years old and he has gone so far as to say he hates me and wishes I wasn't around anymore, that I were only a ghost. I have looked and searched for how to get help and can't find anything. My wife either can't help or won't help. I know I have to change the way I "father" but have no idea where to go. I live in Oregon, about 35 SW of the Portland area. If anyone can help point me in a direction of where to go please help me.
You need to go see a counselor about this, and possibly go get family
therapy.
The best way to find someone good is through recommendations -
unfortunatly most people don't tell each other about their therapy.
Others on this group have posted good advice about interviewing
counselors, which you can probably find using google's advanced usenet
search.
Doug Anderson
09-26-2003, 08:22 AM
"Nunya" <nunya@urbiz.org> writes:
My relationship with my son is spiraling downhill, out of control, very quickly. I was raised that the father of the house works to support the family, at all costs. It isn't the father's job to nurture, his job is to be stern. This has become ingrained in me and it is tearing us apart and I don't know how to stop it. I have tried to change my thought process but this has become too ingrained in me and I need outside help to change this before it is too late. My son is 12 years old and he has gone so far as to say he hates me and wishes I wasn't around anymore, that I were only a ghost. I have looked and searched for how to get help and can't find anything. My wife either can't help or won't help. I know I have to change the way I "father" but have no idea where to go. I live in Oregon, about 35 SW of the Portland area. If anyone can help point me in a direction of where to go please help me.
You need to go see a counselor about this, and possibly go get family
therapy.
The best way to find someone good is through recommendations -
unfortunatly most people don't tell each other about their therapy.
Others on this group have posted good advice about interviewing
counselors, which you can probably find using google's advanced usenet
search.
Ignoramus14977
09-26-2003, 08:53 AM
In article <XNScb.340970$2x.104378@rwcrnsc52.ops.asp.att.net>, Nunya wrote: My relationship with my son is spiraling downhill, out of control, very quickly. I was raised that the father of the house works to support the family, at all costs. It isn't the father's job to nurture, his job is to be stern. This has become ingrained in me and it is tearing us apart and I don't know how to stop it. I have tried to change my thought process but this has become too ingrained in me and I need outside help to change this before it is too late. My son is 12 years old and he has gone so far as to say he hates me and wishes I wasn't around anymore, that I were only a ghost. I have looked and searched for how to get help and can't find anything. My wife either can't help or won't help. I know I have to change the way I "father" but have no idea where to go. I live in Oregon, about 35 SW of the Portland area. If anyone can help point me in a direction of where to go please help me.
Reject Jesus first. Stop going to your church.
Stop blaming your upbringing, you are not a kid any more. Tell your
son that you love him and that you will try to be a more loving
person.
Some damage is difficult to repair, however, at 12 I feel that it is
repairable.
Do not ever beat him again no matter what. Apologize for all your past
beatings.
i
whisper
09-26-2003, 11:23 AM
I can recommend Dan Bernard in the Portland Area..my hubby and I have been
seeing him for a while.. great guy.. very personable. easy to talk to
you can reach him at 503-827-0199 DanBernLPC@aol.com
You can see his webpage by going to qwestdex.com Resolution Counseling
Services
btw.. some of what your son is doing is quite normal for a
pre-teen/teenager...
Kass
Portland Oregon area
"Nunya" <nunya@urbiz.org> wrote in message
news:XNScb.340970$2x.104378@rwcrnsc52.ops.asp.att. net... My relationship with my son is spiraling downhill, out of control, very quickly. I was raised that the father of the house works to support the family, at all costs. It isn't the father's job to nurture, his job is to be stern. This has become ingrained in me and it is tearing us apart and
I don't know how to stop it. I have tried to change my thought process but this has become too ingrained in me and I need outside help to change this before it is too late. My son is 12 years old and he has gone so far as
to say he hates me and wishes I wasn't around anymore, that I were only a ghost. I have looked and searched for how to get help and can't find anything.
My wife either can't help or won't help. I know I have to change the way I "father" but have no idea where to go. I live in Oregon, about 35 SW of
the Portland area. If anyone can help point me in a direction of where to go please help me. Doug E-mail - fuglbon at hotmail dot com
Archer
09-26-2003, 12:36 PM
"Ignoramus14977" <ignoramus14977@NOSPAM.14977.invalid> wrote in message
news:bl1nd2$nr9$8@pita.alt.net... In article <XNScb.340970$2x.104378@rwcrnsc52.ops.asp.att.net>, Nunya
wrote: My relationship with my son is spiraling downhill, out of control, very quickly. I was raised that the father of the house works to support the family, at all costs. It isn't the father's job to nurture, his job is
to be stern. This has become ingrained in me and it is tearing us apart
and I don't know how to stop it. I have tried to change my thought process
but this has become too ingrained in me and I need outside help to change
this before it is too late. My son is 12 years old and he has gone so far as
to say he hates me and wishes I wasn't around anymore, that I were only a ghost. I have looked and searched for how to get help and can't find anything.
My wife either can't help or won't help. I know I have to change the way I "father" but have no idea where to go. I live in Oregon, about 35 SW of
the Portland area. If anyone can help point me in a direction of where to
go please help me.
Reject Jesus first. Stop going to your church.
I didnt see anything about him being a Christian here ??
Stop blaming your upbringing, you are not a kid any more. Tell your son that you love him and that you will try to be a more loving person.
Sometimes you tell you kids you love them by NOT letting them do anything
they want. and if thats a part of your upbringing please dont reject it.
Some damage is difficult to repair, however, at 12 I feel that it is repairable.
At 12 the kids body is doing the "Hormone Shuffle" he doesn't believe most
of the crap that he says. This is where you earn you patients badge. Your
function as a parent is to be that fence around the cattle. Let them roam
freely within the fence but by all means keep the fence up.
Do not ever beat him again no matter what. Apologize for all your past beatings.
I didnt see anything about beatings in his post he just said "stearn".
These days that could mean not buying the kid a lexus for his birthday. i
Kendricks
09-26-2003, 06:18 PM
On 26 Sep 2003 15:53:06 GMT, Ignoramus14977
<ignoramus14977@NOSPAM.14977.invalid> wrote:
I have looked and searched for how to get help and can't find anything. My wife either can't help or won't help. I know I have to change the way I "father" but have no idea where to go. I live in Oregon, about 35 SW of the Portland area. If anyone can help point me in a direction of where to go please help me.Reject Jesus first. Stop going to your church.
Excellent advice! This would solve so many of peoples' problems.
Complete Labor
Law Poster for $24.95 from www.LaborLawCenter.com,
includes State, Federal, & OSHA posting requirements
