Yeah, money always makes a better parent.
Kids believe that when a parent leaves, they're kind of abandoned. It destroys
their home, security and family. It's what their lives revolve around. Most
adults can't relate to that because their worlds revolve around themselves.
Yeah, you'd take the kids with you and then they would be without their mother.
Ask *them* what they would rather have.
From: tyronecode@yahoo.com (Ty)
I'm not abandoning my kids. I'm leaving my wife. It's not the samething. It's not abandonment if you send money back anyway. Besides,I'm more than willing to take my kids with me if she wants

tbrghtmn@cs.com (Tbrghtmn) writes:
Yeah, money always makes a better parent. Kids believe that when a parent leaves, they're kind of abandoned. It destroys their home, security and family. It's what their lives revolve around. Most adults can't relate to that because their worlds revolve around themselves.

And in addition because it is sometimes wrong. Why do you use the
word "leave?" He isn't talking about leaving his kids.
Yeah, you'd take the kids with you and then they would be without their mother. Ask *them* what they would rather have.From: tyronecode@yahoo.com (Ty)I'm not abandoning my kids. I'm leaving my wife. It's not the samething. It's not abandonment if you send money back anyway. Besides,I'm more than willing to take my kids with me if she wants

"Bill" <nowhere@earthlink.net> writes:
Tbrghtmn wrote: Kids believe that when a parent leaves, they're kind of abandoned. It destroys their home, security and family. This is not a "belief". It is a FACT.

Is it nice for you to live in such a simple world, Bill? It doesn't
seem so. So why don't you open yourself up to observing the breadth
of what _actually_ happens.

Some parents "leave." Other parents stay parents, but stop living
with each other, and continue to be good parents to their children.

Leaving is leaving. If he's leaving the house where the kids live, he's
leaving his kids. Kids don't look at it any other way.
From: Doug Anderson ethelthelog@yahoo.com
And in addition because it is sometimes wrong. Why do you use theword "leave?" He isn't talking about leaving his kids.

Kids can also feel abandoned by a parent even when that parent is
living in the same house with them---I know I did as a child. My
father was there physically, living in the house with us, but he
really didn't want anything to do with us kids. We were good for
showing off to friends, getting him a beer, stuff like that, but when
it came time to be a FATHER, he wasn't there.

My parents separated when I was in 10th grade and my father actually
became a better parent toward me AFTER they divorced. Things were
different for my sister, however, who is 10 years younger than me and
faced competition from two step--daughters who were only a year or two
older and also younger than her.

On 01 Aug 2003 23:44:42 GMT, tbrghtmn@cs.com (Tbrghtmn) wrote:
Yeah, money always makes a better parent.Kids believe that when a parent leaves, they're kind of abandoned. It destroystheir home, security and family. It's what their lives revolve around. Mostadults can't relate to that because their worlds revolve around themselves.Yeah, you'd take the kids with you and then they would be without their mother. Ask *them* what they would rather have.

------
Kim (Dreamspinner3)
Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/
ICQ: 48547727
Yahoo: dreamspinner3
AIM: coolkmm

Yes they do. All children are not the same--you can't say that they
way one child view an event will be the exact same way another child
see it. Everything depends on their age, their upbringing, the lives
they've lived up until their parents separate.

On 02 Aug 2003 00:47:34 GMT, tbrghtmn@cs.com (Tbrghtmn) wrote:
Leaving is leaving. If he's leaving the house where the kids live, he'sleaving his kids. Kids don't look at it any other way.

------
Kim (Dreamspinner3)
Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/
ICQ: 48547727
Yahoo: dreamspinner3
AIM: coolkmm

Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:<U7EWa.31121$cF.10441@rwcrnsc53>... tbrghtmn@cs.com (Tbrghtmn) writes: Leaving is leaving. If he's leaving the house where the kids live, he's leaving his kids. Kids don't look at it any other way. They can live in his house half the time, and in their mother's house half the time. And these two places can be in walking distance. That's one option. There are other options that can work well for kids.

Actually, this is what I was thinking. I'd still be close enough to
be a part of their lives. Last Christmas my then 5 year old wished
for us to stop yelling at each other all the time. I have to leave.
It's not good for them so see all that stuff.

Now that is something I can respect Tbrghtmn

Kids -know- when a parent leaves the house that they have been
abandoned in some way. Obviously they have. Indeed it destroys their
home, their security, their sense of well-being, their happiness,
their view of the world, and so much more.

If their father or mother leaves, all of this is killed.


TY needs to understand this if he doesn't already.


tbrghtmn@cs.com (Tbrghtmn) wrote in message news:<20030801194442.15169.00001022@mb-m13.news.cs.com>... Yeah, money always makes a better parent. Kids believe that when a parent leaves, they're kind of abandoned. It destroys their home, security and family. It's what their lives revolve around. Most adults can't relate to that because their worlds revolve around themselves. Yeah, you'd take the kids with you and then they would be without their mother. Ask *them* what they would rather have.From: tyronecode@yahoo.com (Ty)I'm not abandoning my kids. I'm leaving my wife. It's not the samething. It's not abandonment if you send money back anyway. Besides,I'm more than willing to take my kids with me if she wants

Yeah, you could be "uncle daddy". Then when mommy gets a new guy, who would be
living with your kids, having more influence than you, and probably become
daddy because he's living with them full time. Doesn't sound like a good
parenting plan. Yes, all the kid want is for their two idiot parents to stop
yelling, not for one of them to leave.
From: tyronecode@yahoo.com (Ty)
I'd still be close enough tobe a part of their lives. Last Christmas my then 5 year old wishedfor us to stop yelling at each other all the time. I have to leave.It's not good for them so see all that stuff.

in article 20030802152153.07710.00001114@mb-m14.news.cs.com, Tbrghtmn at
tbrghtmn@cs.com wrote on 8/2/03 1:21 PM:
Yeah, you could be "uncle daddy". Then when mommy gets a new guy, who would be living with your kids, having more influence than you, and probably become daddy because he's living with them full time. Doesn't sound like a good parenting plan. Yes, all the kid want is for their two idiot parents to stop yelling, not for one of them to leave.

Which kind of idiot parent were you - the kind who stopped yelling, or the
kind who divorced?

Doug Anderson <ethelthelog@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:<w0d6folwrr.fsf@noether.uoregon.edu>... "Bill" <nowhere@earthlink.net> writes: Tbrghtmn wrote: Kids believe that when a parent leaves, they're kind of abandoned. It destroys their home, security and family. This is not a "belief". It is a FACT. Is it nice for you to live in such a simple world, Bill? It doesn't seem so. So why don't you open yourself up to observing the breadth of what _actually_ happens. Some parents "leave." Other parents stay parents, but stop living with each other, and continue to be good parents to their children.


Yes. This is my point exactly! Life is not as easy and simple as some
people make it out to be.

maximum_effort1@hotmail.com (maximum) wrote in message news:<c19d3c7d.0308020807.4f361d7b@posting.google.com>... Now that is something I can respect Tbrghtmn Kids -know- when a parent leaves the house that they have been abandoned in some way. Obviously they have. Indeed it destroys their home, their security, their sense of well-being, their happiness, their view of the world, and so much more. If their father or mother leaves, all of this is killed. TY needs to understand this if he doesn't already. tbrghtmn@cs.com (Tbrghtmn) wrote in message news:<20030801194442.15169.00001022@mb-m13.news.cs.com>... Yeah, money always makes a better parent. Kids believe that when a parent leaves, they're kind of abandoned. It destroys their home, security and family. It's what their lives revolve around. Most adults can't relate to that because their worlds revolve around themselves. Yeah, you'd take the kids with you and then they would be without their mother. Ask *them* what they would rather have.From: tyronecode@yahoo.com (Ty)I'm not abandoning my kids. I'm leaving my wife. It's not the samething. It's not abandonment if you send money back anyway. Besides,I'm more than willing to take my kids with me if she wants


Excuse me but I'm not a Vulcan. I can't turn off my feelings so
easily. My wife angers me to the point of wanting to knock her head
off. I've never touched her in that way and I'd rather remove myself
from that environment before I totally lose control.

tyronecode@yahoo.com (Ty) wrote in message news:<5518d139.0308040503.6b7d6b11@posting.google.com>... maximum_effort1@hotmail.com (maximum) wrote in message news:<c19d3c7d.0308020807.4f361d7b@posting.google.com>... Now that is something I can respect Tbrghtmn Kids -know- when a parent leaves the house that they have been abandoned in some way. Obviously they have. Indeed it destroys their home, their security, their sense of well-being, their happiness, their view of the world, and so much more. If their father or mother leaves, all of this is killed. TY needs to understand this if he doesn't already. tbrghtmn@cs.com (Tbrghtmn) wrote in message news:<20030801194442.15169.00001022@mb-m13.news.cs.com>... Yeah, money always makes a better parent. Kids believe that when a parent leaves, they're kind of abandoned. It destroys their home, security and family. It's what their lives revolve around. Most adults can't relate to that because their worlds revolve around themselves. Yeah, you'd take the kids with you and then they would be without their mother. Ask *them* what they would rather have. >From: tyronecode@yahoo.com (Ty) >I'm not abandoning my kids. I'm leaving my wife. It's not the same >thing. It's not abandonment if you send money back anyway. Besides, >I'm more than willing to take my kids with me if she wants Excuse me but I'm not a Vulcan. I can't turn off my feelings so easily. My wife angers me to the point of wanting to knock her head off. I've never touched her in that way and I'd rather remove myself from that environment before I totally lose control.

Ty, why does she *make* you feel this way? She doesn't *make* you do
anything. You make yourself that way. Only you. You are responsible
for how you choose to react to any given situation, whether it be with
your spouse, co-worker, mother, etc. Your reaction is that of a
child-like mindset rather than of an adult man.

You complained of her closeness with her sister. You seem to be
jealous/threatened by that. There is no reason to be upset or mad
about
that. It's how women are. Accept it and you'll react differently.

Simply mentioning that you want to "knock her head off" shows
you are viewing things out in an un-healthy way. Nothing about
properly
loving a woman would include the thought of "knocking her head off".
The thought wouldn't even enter your mind no matter what the
situation.

Well Said!
Ty, why does she *make* you feel this way? She doesn't *make* you do anything. You make yourself that way. Only you. You are responsible for how you choose to react to any given situation, whether it be with your spouse, co-worker, mother, etc. Your reaction is that of a child-like mindset rather than of an adult man. You complained of her closeness with her sister. You seem to be jealous/threatened by that. There is no reason to be upset or mad about that. It's how women are. Accept it and you'll react differently. Simply mentioning that you want to "knock her head off" shows you are viewing things out in an un-healthy way. Nothing about properly loving a woman would include the thought of "knocking her head off". The thought wouldn't even enter your mind no matter what the situation.

blechwalensa32@hotmail.com (blech) wrote in message news:<50795b8f.0308060606.38b5d8e9@posting.google.com>... tyronecode@yahoo.com (Ty) wrote in message news:<5518d139.0308040503.6b7d6b11@posting.google.com>... maximum_effort1@hotmail.com (maximum) wrote in message news:<c19d3c7d.0308020807.4f361d7b@posting.google.com>... Now that is something I can respect Tbrghtmn Kids -know- when a parent leaves the house that they have been abandoned in some way. Obviously they have. Indeed it destroys their home, their security, their sense of well-being, their happiness, their view of the world, and so much more. If their father or mother leaves, all of this is killed. TY needs to understand this if he doesn't already. tbrghtmn@cs.com (Tbrghtmn) wrote in message news:<20030801194442.15169.00001022@mb-m13.news.cs.com>... > Yeah, money always makes a better parent. > Kids believe that when a parent leaves, they're kind of abandoned. It destroys > their home, security and family. It's what their lives revolve around. Most > adults can't relate to that because their worlds revolve around themselves. > Yeah, you'd take the kids with you and then they would be without their mother. > Ask *them* what they would rather have. > > >From: tyronecode@yahoo.com (Ty) > >I'm not abandoning my kids. I'm leaving my wife. It's not the same > >thing. It's not abandonment if you send money back anyway. Besides, > >I'm more than willing to take my kids with me if she wants Excuse me but I'm not a Vulcan. I can't turn off my feelings so easily. My wife angers me to the point of wanting to knock her head off. I've never touched her in that way and I'd rather remove myself from that environment before I totally lose control. Ty, why does she *make* you feel this way? She doesn't *make* you do anything. You make yourself that way. Only you. You are responsible for how you choose to react to any given situation, whether it be with your spouse, co-worker, mother, etc. Your reaction is that of a child-like mindset rather than of an adult man. You complained of her closeness with her sister. You seem to be jealous/threatened by that. There is no reason to be upset or mad about that. It's how women are. Accept it and you'll react differently. Simply mentioning that you want to "knock her head off" shows you are viewing things out in an un-healthy way. Nothing about properly loving a woman would include the thought of "knocking her head off". The thought wouldn't even enter your mind no matter what the situation.


I don't care that she's close with her sister but why do they ALWAYS
have to come over our house and try to take over!
Simply mentioning that you want to "knock her head off" shows you are viewing things out in an un-healthy way. Nothing about properly loving a woman would include the thought of "knocking her head off". The thought wouldn't even enter your mind no matter what the situation.

I'd never hit her. But you don't know my wife!

So I'm just supposed to sit around and let her and her family dictate
the way I live? You've got to be kidding me. I can't believe how
some people just cling to the idea of marriage when it's obvious that
it isn't working out.

tyronecode@yahoo.com (Ty) wrote in message news:<5518d139.0308070734.66ca32ac@posting.google.com>... blechwalensa32@hotmail.com (blech) wrote in message news:<50795b8f.0308060606.38b5d8e9@posting.google.com>... tyronecode@yahoo.com (Ty) wrote in message news:<5518d139.0308040503.6b7d6b11@posting.google.com>... maximum_effort1@hotmail.com (maximum) wrote in message news:<c19d3c7d.0308020807.4f361d7b@posting.google.com>... > Now that is something I can respect Tbrghtmn > > Kids -know- when a parent leaves the house that they have been > abandoned in some way. Obviously they have. Indeed it destroys their > home, their security, their sense of well-being, their happiness, > their view of the world, and so much more. > > If their father or mother leaves, all of this is killed. > > > TY needs to understand this if he doesn't already. > > > tbrghtmn@cs.com (Tbrghtmn) wrote in message news:<20030801194442.15169.00001022@mb-m13.news.cs.com>... > > Yeah, money always makes a better parent. > > Kids believe that when a parent leaves, they're kind of abandoned. It destroys > > their home, security and family. It's what their lives revolve around. Most > > adults can't relate to that because their worlds revolve around themselves. > > Yeah, you'd take the kids with you and then they would be without their mother. > > Ask *them* what they would rather have. > > > > >From: tyronecode@yahoo.com (Ty) > > >I'm not abandoning my kids. I'm leaving my wife. It's not the same > > >thing. It's not abandonment if you send money back anyway. Besides, > > >I'm more than willing to take my kids with me if she wants Excuse me but I'm not a Vulcan. I can't turn off my feelings so easily. My wife angers me to the point of wanting to knock her head off. I've never touched her in that way and I'd rather remove myself from that environment before I totally lose control. Ty, why does she *make* you feel this way? She doesn't *make* you do anything. You make yourself that way. Only you. You are responsible for how you choose to react to any given situation, whether it be with your spouse, co-worker, mother, etc. Your reaction is that of a child-like mindset rather than of an adult man. You complained of her closeness with her sister. You seem to be jealous/threatened by that. There is no reason to be upset or mad about that. It's how women are. Accept it and you'll react differently. Simply mentioning that you want to "knock her head off" shows you are viewing things out in an un-healthy way. Nothing about properly loving a woman would include the thought of "knocking her head off". The thought wouldn't even enter your mind no matter what the situation. I don't care that she's close with her sister but why do they ALWAYS have to come over our house and try to take over!

Are they really "taking over"? I'm not sure what that means. Do they
grab the tv remote? Kick you out of your chair? Push you away from
the dinner table? Steal your car?
Simply mentioning that you want to "knock her head off" shows you are viewing things out in an un-healthy way. Nothing about properly loving a woman would include the thought of "knocking her head off". The thought wouldn't even enter your mind no matter what the situation. I'd never hit her. But you don't know my wife!

True, I don't know her, but you did choose her to be your wife, have
children with, etc. She must have some redeeming qualities that
you are either now overlooking, or she has done a 180 since you
married. I'm betting you'll say she did the 180 and it couldn't be
you.

So I'm just supposed to sit around and let her and her family dictate the way I live? You've got to be kidding me. I can't believe how some people just cling to the idea of marriage when it's obvious that it isn't working out.

No, if you want to know what to do, some of us need to know just what
is being "dictated". I wouldn't suggest anyone "cling" to the idea
of marriage, but as a mature adult who *chose* to marry someone and
have children with, you should work towards solutions to these
"problems" instead of walking away.

Ty wrote:
So I'm just supposed to sit around and let her and her family dictate the way I live? You've got to be kidding me. I can't believe how some people just cling to the idea of marriage when it's obvious that it isn't working out.

No, but it would actually a whole lot less effort in the long run if you
negotiated some house rules with your wife. For example, if you don't want
to babysit anyone else's children while looking after you own, say so. It's
a lot less extreme than moving out! If the in-laws have overstayed their
welcome tell them you would like them to leave. Are they going to ignore
you, for goodness sake?

Ok, your wife will be angry but she's ignoring you now because you're
letting her. If there is something to salvage from your marriage it might
happen if you can get her to believe you are serious - without you running
away from the problems.

Tai

"Tai" <tainuiti@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:<bgv6n7$snvuo$1@ID-123442.news.uni-berlin.de>... Ty wrote: So I'm just supposed to sit around and let her and her family dictate the way I live? You've got to be kidding me. I can't believe how some people just cling to the idea of marriage when it's obvious that it isn't working out. No, but it would actually a whole lot less effort in the long run if you negotiated some house rules with your wife. For example, if you don't want to babysit anyone else's children while looking after you own, say so. It's a lot less extreme than moving out! If the in-laws have overstayed their welcome tell them you would like them to leave. Are they going to ignore you, for goodness sake? Ok, your wife will be angry but she's ignoring you now because you're letting her. If there is something to salvage from your marriage it might happen if you can get her to believe you are serious - without you running away from the problems. Tai

So put my foot down? I did. She chose them over me. I only live
there now. What I say means nothing.