LilMtnCbn
02-07-2005, 06:39 AM
http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2005/2/7/features/10061284
&sec=features
A baby to love
By S.S. YOGA
WHEN this man speaks of his daughter, his eyes turn misty. Paul calls her a
blessing for she has brought a new dimension into his life. Practically every
parent would understand what he means but Paul’s case is different – his
daughter is adopted.
“Before, I was very involved in my work and was very firm and strict but when
my daughter came, it was a major surprise to my friends and colleagues. They
see me with my daughter and I’m totally different. I have bonded well with my
daughter and the fact that she is adopted doesn’t enter the equation at
all,” said this proud adoptive parent of a five-year-old.
James Nayagam, executive director of Shelter (a welfare organisation for
children who have been neglected, abandoned, abused or exposed to domestic
violence), says that adoptive parents can be better parents than biological
parents.
“Adoptive parents know what it is to need a child; they don’t take the
child for granted. Some biological parents take it as a right to have a child
and they don’t give a thought about it but adoptive parents see it as a
privilege. You must understand that biological parents too make mistakes in
raising children. At the end of the day what matters is whether the parents,
biological or adoptive, do a good job or not,” Nayagam pointed out.
A Social Welfare Department district assistant officer feeding a two-month-old
baby boy who had been abandoned by his parents. While some biological parents
see it as their right to have a child, adoptive parents regard it a privilege
and so do not take the child for granted.
What is certain, though, is that there are many people out there who cannot
conceive (or, for some, choose not to) for various reasons and yet they feel a
natural urge to have children as part of their lives. Wouldn’t adoption then
be a solution?
Unfortunately, in reality, there is a very long wait if one decides to head on
down to the Social Welfare Department. It has been reported that for a
four-year period ending October 2002, the department made 360 offers of
adoption to parents on its waiting list. During this period, the department
received 688 applications.
Additionally the department says that 90% of applicants ask for children below
the age of two. So it is not surprising that a former assistant director of the
department was quoted as saying in the same report that when she left the
service, several Chinese couples had been waiting for seven years. She
estimated that there are about 20 illegal adoptions for every legal one.
What some resort to
A mother of two adopted children, Suria said that she found the children at the
welfare homes too dispirited and it showed in their eyes. She was not prepared
for the long wait, she said.
So what would most prospective parents do then? Logically go through other
means, which includes private legal adoption in which, through mutual consent
between the two parties concerned, a child can be adopted. It still goes
through a legal process.
Then there is baby racketeering in which babies are sold like commodities; the
biological mothers (or parents) have not given consent or were forced to give
their babies up. The recent case in which a 67-year-old woman and a taxi driver
were charged with involvement in a baby-selling syndicate might be one such
instance. Under Section 48(1) of the Child Act 2001, the offence of
transporting a baby for profit can result in a fine of RM10,000 and/or jail of
up to five years.
When a token payment is too much
We had put out feelers to contact someone who knew of babies that were
available. This journalist managed to speak to someone who helps bring together
the two parties (the one giving up the baby and the one adopting the baby),
whom we will refer to as the coordinator. When I enquired about pricing, the
coordinator replied:
“We can’t put a price on a baby. We don’t sell the babies. What we talk
about is the token payment for the costs involved. There are the nutrition
expenses of the mother during the nine months, the costs of all the check-ups
and then the cost of delivery and finally the cost of the one-month confinement
period.”
The coordinator added that the adoptive parents-to-be normally have a short
list of requirements, including race, gender, age and how fair the baby’s
skin is. The coordinator said that if the parents-to-be are fussy about
requirements like how fair the baby is, the wait will be longer. The
coordinator claimed that the parents are advised not to be too fussy and to
love the child as he/she is. Still, the coordinator said, they have to get a
lot of tests done for the mother and the child, such as a blood test to check
for any diseases or conditions, like being HIV-positive.
The coordinator said that for a Chinese male child, the token might be around
RM20,000 and above and if he is “fairer”, then the sum would be more. For a
child who is of mixed blood (which they have a lot of in Sabah and Sarawak) it
might be anything from RM13,000 to RM18,000. It is more difficult to get Malay
babies and sometimes there are some of mixed parentage from Sabah. The
coordinator said that if there is anything beyond the expenses involved, it is
for the natural mother or parents so that they can “do something with their
lives”.
The coordinator said that the adoptive parents are encouraged to go through the
legal process but some do not want the hassle of going through the court and
the biological parents do not want to be “exposed”.
So what happens then?
There are doctors who are willing to do the needful and have the adoptive
parents-to-be noted as the biological parents. Things are also “smoothed
over” in the Registration Department, the coordinator claimed.
The babies who are put up for adoption normally come from teenagers or students
who had been duped or seduced and ended up pregnant. Many of the students are
international students who would have problems if they return to their homeland
with their children. The coordinator said that these mothers are counselled,
and not coerced, into giving up their babies. They are approached and asked to
give up custody, as they would feel better if a family were to take care of
their babies when they are born. The coordinator also tells both parties, once
the process is completed, not to maintain contact with each other as that is in
the best interest of the baby.
As to the clinics or hospitals that also serve as sources for “disposable”
babies, the coordinator said that with the issue being so hot currently, most
of them have gotten scared and are lying low.
The coordinator then posed a question: Isn’t it better for the child to have
a conducive and loving environment than to end up abandoned or left in a
welfare home?
Ethical grey area
Paul, who is a staunch Christian, said that if the process was not done legally
then obviously one has to say it is against the law. But he countered that
morally it might not be wrong if the mother wants to give up the child and
there is no great profit involved. He thinks that the 67-year-old woman who was
arrested was merely providing a service, and the babies do end up having better
lives instead of languishing in an orphanage or, worse, being abandoned.
However, he agreed with Nayagam that the law should come down hardest on anyone
who coerces a mother to give up her child, who keeps the mother against her
will after she is seduced and made pregnant, who switches babies at birth, or
who lies and tells the mother her baby was stillborn. Suria too said that she
could not deal with someone who makes a profit out of the whole process.
The MCA public complaints and services department head Datuk Michael Chong said
that ultimately the legal way is the only way by which couples should adopt.
There are too many potential problems that might crop up later, he added, and
in no way should a child be treated as a commodity.
-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown
&sec=features
A baby to love
By S.S. YOGA
WHEN this man speaks of his daughter, his eyes turn misty. Paul calls her a
blessing for she has brought a new dimension into his life. Practically every
parent would understand what he means but Paul’s case is different – his
daughter is adopted.
“Before, I was very involved in my work and was very firm and strict but when
my daughter came, it was a major surprise to my friends and colleagues. They
see me with my daughter and I’m totally different. I have bonded well with my
daughter and the fact that she is adopted doesn’t enter the equation at
all,” said this proud adoptive parent of a five-year-old.
James Nayagam, executive director of Shelter (a welfare organisation for
children who have been neglected, abandoned, abused or exposed to domestic
violence), says that adoptive parents can be better parents than biological
parents.
“Adoptive parents know what it is to need a child; they don’t take the
child for granted. Some biological parents take it as a right to have a child
and they don’t give a thought about it but adoptive parents see it as a
privilege. You must understand that biological parents too make mistakes in
raising children. At the end of the day what matters is whether the parents,
biological or adoptive, do a good job or not,” Nayagam pointed out.
A Social Welfare Department district assistant officer feeding a two-month-old
baby boy who had been abandoned by his parents. While some biological parents
see it as their right to have a child, adoptive parents regard it a privilege
and so do not take the child for granted.
What is certain, though, is that there are many people out there who cannot
conceive (or, for some, choose not to) for various reasons and yet they feel a
natural urge to have children as part of their lives. Wouldn’t adoption then
be a solution?
Unfortunately, in reality, there is a very long wait if one decides to head on
down to the Social Welfare Department. It has been reported that for a
four-year period ending October 2002, the department made 360 offers of
adoption to parents on its waiting list. During this period, the department
received 688 applications.
Additionally the department says that 90% of applicants ask for children below
the age of two. So it is not surprising that a former assistant director of the
department was quoted as saying in the same report that when she left the
service, several Chinese couples had been waiting for seven years. She
estimated that there are about 20 illegal adoptions for every legal one.
What some resort to
A mother of two adopted children, Suria said that she found the children at the
welfare homes too dispirited and it showed in their eyes. She was not prepared
for the long wait, she said.
So what would most prospective parents do then? Logically go through other
means, which includes private legal adoption in which, through mutual consent
between the two parties concerned, a child can be adopted. It still goes
through a legal process.
Then there is baby racketeering in which babies are sold like commodities; the
biological mothers (or parents) have not given consent or were forced to give
their babies up. The recent case in which a 67-year-old woman and a taxi driver
were charged with involvement in a baby-selling syndicate might be one such
instance. Under Section 48(1) of the Child Act 2001, the offence of
transporting a baby for profit can result in a fine of RM10,000 and/or jail of
up to five years.
When a token payment is too much
We had put out feelers to contact someone who knew of babies that were
available. This journalist managed to speak to someone who helps bring together
the two parties (the one giving up the baby and the one adopting the baby),
whom we will refer to as the coordinator. When I enquired about pricing, the
coordinator replied:
“We can’t put a price on a baby. We don’t sell the babies. What we talk
about is the token payment for the costs involved. There are the nutrition
expenses of the mother during the nine months, the costs of all the check-ups
and then the cost of delivery and finally the cost of the one-month confinement
period.”
The coordinator added that the adoptive parents-to-be normally have a short
list of requirements, including race, gender, age and how fair the baby’s
skin is. The coordinator said that if the parents-to-be are fussy about
requirements like how fair the baby is, the wait will be longer. The
coordinator claimed that the parents are advised not to be too fussy and to
love the child as he/she is. Still, the coordinator said, they have to get a
lot of tests done for the mother and the child, such as a blood test to check
for any diseases or conditions, like being HIV-positive.
The coordinator said that for a Chinese male child, the token might be around
RM20,000 and above and if he is “fairer”, then the sum would be more. For a
child who is of mixed blood (which they have a lot of in Sabah and Sarawak) it
might be anything from RM13,000 to RM18,000. It is more difficult to get Malay
babies and sometimes there are some of mixed parentage from Sabah. The
coordinator said that if there is anything beyond the expenses involved, it is
for the natural mother or parents so that they can “do something with their
lives”.
The coordinator said that the adoptive parents are encouraged to go through the
legal process but some do not want the hassle of going through the court and
the biological parents do not want to be “exposed”.
So what happens then?
There are doctors who are willing to do the needful and have the adoptive
parents-to-be noted as the biological parents. Things are also “smoothed
over” in the Registration Department, the coordinator claimed.
The babies who are put up for adoption normally come from teenagers or students
who had been duped or seduced and ended up pregnant. Many of the students are
international students who would have problems if they return to their homeland
with their children. The coordinator said that these mothers are counselled,
and not coerced, into giving up their babies. They are approached and asked to
give up custody, as they would feel better if a family were to take care of
their babies when they are born. The coordinator also tells both parties, once
the process is completed, not to maintain contact with each other as that is in
the best interest of the baby.
As to the clinics or hospitals that also serve as sources for “disposable”
babies, the coordinator said that with the issue being so hot currently, most
of them have gotten scared and are lying low.
The coordinator then posed a question: Isn’t it better for the child to have
a conducive and loving environment than to end up abandoned or left in a
welfare home?
Ethical grey area
Paul, who is a staunch Christian, said that if the process was not done legally
then obviously one has to say it is against the law. But he countered that
morally it might not be wrong if the mother wants to give up the child and
there is no great profit involved. He thinks that the 67-year-old woman who was
arrested was merely providing a service, and the babies do end up having better
lives instead of languishing in an orphanage or, worse, being abandoned.
However, he agreed with Nayagam that the law should come down hardest on anyone
who coerces a mother to give up her child, who keeps the mother against her
will after she is seduced and made pregnant, who switches babies at birth, or
who lies and tells the mother her baby was stillborn. Suria too said that she
could not deal with someone who makes a profit out of the whole process.
The MCA public complaints and services department head Datuk Michael Chong said
that ultimately the legal way is the only way by which couples should adopt.
There are too many potential problems that might crop up later, he added, and
in no way should a child be treated as a commodity.
-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown
