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01-10-2005, 06:42 AM
http://www.koreaherald.co.kr/SITE/data/html_dir/2005/01/10/200501100032.asp
Surviving as a single parent
As a 38-year-old divorcee with two children, no proper job or a house of her
own, Kim was never discouraged until her son came back from school one day and
screamed that he hated her for making him "fatherless trash."
"After coaxing him for hours, I found out my son had been falsely accused of
stealing his classmate's money and that it was his teacher who accused him,"
said Kim on a Web site for single parents.
"I felt that my whole life, which I had devoted to bringing up my children, was
falling apart then and there. Families like us are deeply hurt by the prejudice
that a fatherless child receives."
The number of single parent families reached more than 2.2 million in 2000,
according to the National Statistical Office, meaning over 15 percent of
families are headed by single parents.
With the nation's divorce rate reaching 47 percent last year, the number of
single parent families is expected to increase rapidly.
Most of these single parent families suffer hardship, but single mothers bear a
heavier burden with work opportunities remaining unequal for men and women.
While an average 70 percent of women work in other OECD countries, Korea has
one of the lowest female employment rates at around 50 percent. More than half
of these women give up their job because of disadvantages they encounter in the
workplace after pregnancy, according to the Labor Ministry's research on 5,000
female workers nationwide.
For Korean women who suddenly become single mothers through death or divorce,
raising children becomes an uphill struggle.
However, 35 percent of 500 single parents said that they felt discouraged and
frustrated not by the practical difficulties but by the nation's prejudice
toward single parent families, according to a poll taken by the Korean Single
Parent Research Institute.
"I never regretted breaking up with my husband until I realized that my child
could get hurt by not having a father, especially as she gets older,"
36-year-old Lee told The Korea Herald. "Things seemed okay after splitting up
with my husband for the past four years, until my daughter entered elementary
school."
Lee's 8-year-old daughter cried regularly after coming home from school, asking
questions that hurt too much to answer.
"I have decided that under Korean education, my daughter will grow more
restless and concerned about her situation. And relatives tell me that she may
find it hard later to find a decent husband in Korea because she does not have
a dad," said Lee. "I plan to get out of the country soon."
Social experts have long been pointing out Korean schools often damage children
of single parents by teaching them a prejudiced view of the family.
In textbooks, a father, mother and two children make up the typical family.
Homework such as drawing pictures of moms and dads requires both parents,
making children with single parents feel left out and thinking they are from an
"abnormal" family.
According to research by a group of social experts on 776 elementary teachers
nationwide, 59 percent answered they felt there was a difference between
children living with both parents and those with single parents.
Also 54 percent answered that having a child from a single parent family in
their class made them feel "uneasy and concerned," showing that teachers were
prejudiced toward single parent families.
In order to adapt to the changes in families and the growing number of single
parents, the government has pushed several new bills over the past few years.
Next year, children from single parent families suffering economic hardship
will receive 50,000 won per month, instead of the current 20,000 won. The age
range of those included under the scheme will be broadened from under 6 years
old to those under 13 years.
The "hoju" or family registry system, which considers children part of the
ex-husband's family record even when they live with the mother, is expected to
be abolished by next month.
But the government's new law that intends to bring up more "wholesome
families," which was enforced at the beginning of the New Year, is now being
criticized for its potential to further wound single parent families.
To put a stop to the growing divorce rate and encourage families to have more
children, the Welfare Ministry proposed a revision of the "Wholesome Family
Law" which was approved by the National Assembly last year.
As the name suggests, the goal is to propagate the concept of a "healthy
family" by giving more benefits to those that fall under its scope.
Families formed by marriage, blood relations and adoption are defined as a
family under the law, and couples that wish to split up have to go through
three steps of consultation before getting divorced.
"The new law is pre-modern and anachronistic, and the government has no right
to define a healthy family," said an official at the Korean Women's Development
Institute, who requested anonymity. "The government seems to lack understanding
on changes of the traditional family structure."
What society needs more is to break off from its narrow concept of a family and
embrace the different types that have emerged, he said.
"Taking practical measures such as building more day care organizations for
working single moms are what the government should be doing. Solidifying the
already strict family ideology by enforcing the new law would only make the
situation harder for single parents and their children."
But Song Sang-yoon of the Korean Single Parent Research Institute said that it
was inadvisable to see the new law as a measure to repress the different types
of families.
"The government set up the new law as a way to help family problems on a
government basis," he said. "The opposite word to wholesome is sick or wounded.
The goal of the new law is to help and prevent sick families, not to restrain
or exempt them from society."
Emphasizing the need for re-establishing a society with strong, healthy
families, Song said public sentiment should not be divided on the new law and
society as a whole should strive for the goal together.
Psychological experts advise single parents not to be influenced or discouraged
by the conservative family concept.
"In order to educate children the right way, single parents must first let go
of the sense of guilt toward their children," said psychiatrist Shim Sun-a. "In
a way, divorce can actually help children become more independent and mature at
an early age. They don't necessarily grow up feeling a lack of love or
attention just because they only have one parent.
Shim said that it was important for single parents to be open and honest with
their children, and acknowledge that children have the ability to understand
their parents' situations from an early age.
"It is also important to tell children that they do not have to feel ashamed
because they do not have a mom or a dad," she said. "And also, parents should
not be afraid to consult a psychiatrist if a problem occurs. It is not only the
people with mental problems that need consultations."
-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown
Surviving as a single parent
As a 38-year-old divorcee with two children, no proper job or a house of her
own, Kim was never discouraged until her son came back from school one day and
screamed that he hated her for making him "fatherless trash."
"After coaxing him for hours, I found out my son had been falsely accused of
stealing his classmate's money and that it was his teacher who accused him,"
said Kim on a Web site for single parents.
"I felt that my whole life, which I had devoted to bringing up my children, was
falling apart then and there. Families like us are deeply hurt by the prejudice
that a fatherless child receives."
The number of single parent families reached more than 2.2 million in 2000,
according to the National Statistical Office, meaning over 15 percent of
families are headed by single parents.
With the nation's divorce rate reaching 47 percent last year, the number of
single parent families is expected to increase rapidly.
Most of these single parent families suffer hardship, but single mothers bear a
heavier burden with work opportunities remaining unequal for men and women.
While an average 70 percent of women work in other OECD countries, Korea has
one of the lowest female employment rates at around 50 percent. More than half
of these women give up their job because of disadvantages they encounter in the
workplace after pregnancy, according to the Labor Ministry's research on 5,000
female workers nationwide.
For Korean women who suddenly become single mothers through death or divorce,
raising children becomes an uphill struggle.
However, 35 percent of 500 single parents said that they felt discouraged and
frustrated not by the practical difficulties but by the nation's prejudice
toward single parent families, according to a poll taken by the Korean Single
Parent Research Institute.
"I never regretted breaking up with my husband until I realized that my child
could get hurt by not having a father, especially as she gets older,"
36-year-old Lee told The Korea Herald. "Things seemed okay after splitting up
with my husband for the past four years, until my daughter entered elementary
school."
Lee's 8-year-old daughter cried regularly after coming home from school, asking
questions that hurt too much to answer.
"I have decided that under Korean education, my daughter will grow more
restless and concerned about her situation. And relatives tell me that she may
find it hard later to find a decent husband in Korea because she does not have
a dad," said Lee. "I plan to get out of the country soon."
Social experts have long been pointing out Korean schools often damage children
of single parents by teaching them a prejudiced view of the family.
In textbooks, a father, mother and two children make up the typical family.
Homework such as drawing pictures of moms and dads requires both parents,
making children with single parents feel left out and thinking they are from an
"abnormal" family.
According to research by a group of social experts on 776 elementary teachers
nationwide, 59 percent answered they felt there was a difference between
children living with both parents and those with single parents.
Also 54 percent answered that having a child from a single parent family in
their class made them feel "uneasy and concerned," showing that teachers were
prejudiced toward single parent families.
In order to adapt to the changes in families and the growing number of single
parents, the government has pushed several new bills over the past few years.
Next year, children from single parent families suffering economic hardship
will receive 50,000 won per month, instead of the current 20,000 won. The age
range of those included under the scheme will be broadened from under 6 years
old to those under 13 years.
The "hoju" or family registry system, which considers children part of the
ex-husband's family record even when they live with the mother, is expected to
be abolished by next month.
But the government's new law that intends to bring up more "wholesome
families," which was enforced at the beginning of the New Year, is now being
criticized for its potential to further wound single parent families.
To put a stop to the growing divorce rate and encourage families to have more
children, the Welfare Ministry proposed a revision of the "Wholesome Family
Law" which was approved by the National Assembly last year.
As the name suggests, the goal is to propagate the concept of a "healthy
family" by giving more benefits to those that fall under its scope.
Families formed by marriage, blood relations and adoption are defined as a
family under the law, and couples that wish to split up have to go through
three steps of consultation before getting divorced.
"The new law is pre-modern and anachronistic, and the government has no right
to define a healthy family," said an official at the Korean Women's Development
Institute, who requested anonymity. "The government seems to lack understanding
on changes of the traditional family structure."
What society needs more is to break off from its narrow concept of a family and
embrace the different types that have emerged, he said.
"Taking practical measures such as building more day care organizations for
working single moms are what the government should be doing. Solidifying the
already strict family ideology by enforcing the new law would only make the
situation harder for single parents and their children."
But Song Sang-yoon of the Korean Single Parent Research Institute said that it
was inadvisable to see the new law as a measure to repress the different types
of families.
"The government set up the new law as a way to help family problems on a
government basis," he said. "The opposite word to wholesome is sick or wounded.
The goal of the new law is to help and prevent sick families, not to restrain
or exempt them from society."
Emphasizing the need for re-establishing a society with strong, healthy
families, Song said public sentiment should not be divided on the new law and
society as a whole should strive for the goal together.
Psychological experts advise single parents not to be influenced or discouraged
by the conservative family concept.
"In order to educate children the right way, single parents must first let go
of the sense of guilt toward their children," said psychiatrist Shim Sun-a. "In
a way, divorce can actually help children become more independent and mature at
an early age. They don't necessarily grow up feeling a lack of love or
attention just because they only have one parent.
Shim said that it was important for single parents to be open and honest with
their children, and acknowledge that children have the ability to understand
their parents' situations from an early age.
"It is also important to tell children that they do not have to feel ashamed
because they do not have a mom or a dad," she said. "And also, parents should
not be afraid to consult a psychiatrist if a problem occurs. It is not only the
people with mental problems that need consultations."
-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown
