Tm n Kat
01-03-2005, 06:50 PM
http://www.dailysouthtown.com/southtown/dsliving/081ldcov.htm
Surprise siblings
Adopted man finds he has 10 brothers
and sisters
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
By Steve Metsch
Staff Writer
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
After Jim Fox's son was born nine years ago, doctors started asking him about
his family's medical history.
"It drove me nuts to say, 'I don't know, I don't know,' " Fox, of Oak Lawn,
said.
So, he set out to learn more about his past. What he uncovered sounds like a TV
movie, but few would believe the plot.
Fox, who knew he had been adopted, learned
he had at least 10 brothers and sisters. Eight of those had the same father.
All had been given up for adoption.
"It was amazing," Fox said.
"I was so nervous the first time I met one of them," he said, "but after the
sixth, seventh and eighth time, it was no big deal."
He and his nine known siblings are seeking to complete their family by finding
the 11th child, a boy born in 1983. They don't know his name, but think he may
be in the Chicago area.
Fox, joined by his sister, Jennifer Slepicka, of Yorkville, and brother,
Kenneth Ebenstein, of Chicago's North Side, recently gathered at Fox's home to
share their memories.
"It's such a slow process," Fox said of trying to uncover his past. "It takes
years."
Eventually, with the help of the Midwest Adoption Agency, he and his siblings
have been able to track down 10 of the 11 known children. There may be a 12th,
possibly born in Europe in 1958, but nobody knows for sure. For now, 11 is the
working number.
A case worker familiar with the search said the extended family, which
stretches from Florida to Hawaii, "is the biggest family I've ever done any
work with."
"These people are a neat bunch of kids," said the case worker, who requested
anonymity.
It wasn't a case of their birth mother not wanting to keep the children, she
said. It was more that she was not able to provide for them. The woman lived in
Chicago, so most of the children were adopted in Illinois and some moved to
other states with their new families.
Lois Cook, of Worth, adopted Fox when he was a baby. She always felt her son
"was looking for something," she said.
"There was always an emptiness in him," Cook said. "I was supportive of him
when he started searching, and I love all his siblings."
It took five years, but Fox was finally able to meet a sister, Becky Witt, of
Englewood, Colo., in 2000. They, in turn, started meeting other siblings around
the country.
The Midwest Adoption Agency, which handles requests about birth families from
people who have been adopted through the Illinois Department of Children and
Family Services, takes a slow approach to the process. They make sure people
really want to be contacted before connecting family members, director Gretchen
Schulert said.
Some don't, she said, often for financial reasons.
Each adopted person is given a chance to track down one of their siblings, even
if they have more than one. Letters are exchanged after the person is found.
It's up to them whether they ever meet.
Fortunately for Fox and his siblings, none of the 10 turned down the chance to
meet their brothers and sisters.
Slepicka decided to learn about past at about the same time Fox did. A case
worker "put two and two together" and put Slepicka in touch with Fox and Witt.
"I pulled into one end of the circle drive and they pulled into the other,"
Slepicka said. "We got out of our cars at the same time, and I said, 'Oh, my
gosh, you guys are my size, my height, everything. Even our features are
similar.' "
Slepicka used her search to find Ebenstein, a computer specialist who took some
time to convince.
"I'd get these letters in the mail and I'd say, 'Yeah, right,' " he said.
After a second and third attempt by a case worker, each more insistent than the
last, Ebenstein asked his adoptive mother if he was an only child. He was
shocked when she told him he was not, and he agreed to meet Slepicka, Fox and
the others.
"It's a heartfelt experience, knowing you have a sibling out there trying to
reach you. I can't tell you how complete I felt after actually meeting them,"
Ebenstein said, recalling their meeting at Rosebud restaurant on Taylor Street
in Chicago.
"When I saw them for the first time, it was just unbelievable," he said. "To
look at them and be taken aback by the fact that they are my blood relatives."
Talking to relatives who are complete strangers is unusual.
"It's rough at the start, but they were so open to making sure the seeds of the
relationship were definitely going to bloom into great big, beautiful flowers,
and they have," Ebenstein said.
"It's been a wild ride. I don't want to say I crammed a lifetime of experiences
into less than five years at this time, but honest to God, that's what I've
tried to do on some level. Now I've got this huge family, and there's never a
shortage of things to do on holidays. It's totally awesome."
Just as overwhelming is the thought of one woman putting up 11 children for
adoption between 1959 through 1983.
The birth mother, Veronica Mergili, died in March 1999. She had immigrated to
America from Yugoslavia, where she had studied to become a nun. She married a
man named Beckmann in Europe and had three children with him, John Beckmann,
45, of Panama City Beach, Fla.; Mary Uyetake, 44, of Pearl City, Hawaii; and
Arthur Powers, 41, of Midlothian.
"The first two were raised by our grandparents," Slepicka said. "After that,
the story gets vague. She never divorced Mr. Beckmann, came to America and was
very poor. She lived in a one-bedroom apartment, we've gathered, and she kept
having children."
Linda Ritchie, 39, lives in Mokena now. John Hoermann, 35, is in Sarasota, Fla.
Witt, 34, Fox, 33, Ebenstein, 30, and Slepicka, 28, were next. Eric Willman,
23, lives in Wahiawa, Hawaii. The missing brother was born in 1983.
Walter Navarez has been identified through adoption records as the father of
the last eight children. Ebenstein and Fox recently visited an address where
Navarez reportedly lived, but he had moved.
"I want to wring his neck," Ebenstein said. "I'd very much so like to give that
man a piece of my mind. I'd like to let him know that what he did, breaking up
a family, wasn't the right thing."
Slepicka takes a less confrontational approach to the idea of that meeting.
"I understand how you feel," she told Ebenstein, "but I don't share that
feeling. I thank (my birth parents) for bringing me into this world. And I
wouldn't change the way things turned out for myself. Not at all."
The siblings have met their birth mother's younger brother, George Mergili, an
Arlington Heights resident, and he has filled in some blanks regarding family
history. Their grandmother is in a retirement home, they said.
Midwest Adoption Agency's Schulert, who declined to directly discuss this case
without approval from all 10 children, said "sibling connections are extremely
powerful."
"In quite a few cases, the client chooses to contact a sibling rather than a
birth parent. One reason may be the feelings connected to the birth parent are
so complex, with negative or even fearful feelings," she said. "On the other
hand, where you think of a sibling, the first time you connect may be more
joyful than scary."
It was anything but scary for Willman, a car mechanic in Hawaii, when he
learned he had brothers and sisters.
"I was working on the North Side at the time, and got a call from my wife. I
had received what looked like an important letter from the adoption agency,"
Willman said." I rushed home and called on the phone and talked to the case
worker.
"She asked me all these questions and said, 'You are the one.' I thought, 'Oh,
my God.' I knew I was adopted and had no idea I had any siblings at all. My
mindset is if a man and woman could not take care of one baby, why would they
have more. But this has been a blessing for me. It's better than winning the
lottery."
Steve Metsch may be reached at smetsch@dailysouthtown.com or (708) 633-5996.
Surprise siblings
Adopted man finds he has 10 brothers
and sisters
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
By Steve Metsch
Staff Writer
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
After Jim Fox's son was born nine years ago, doctors started asking him about
his family's medical history.
"It drove me nuts to say, 'I don't know, I don't know,' " Fox, of Oak Lawn,
said.
So, he set out to learn more about his past. What he uncovered sounds like a TV
movie, but few would believe the plot.
Fox, who knew he had been adopted, learned
he had at least 10 brothers and sisters. Eight of those had the same father.
All had been given up for adoption.
"It was amazing," Fox said.
"I was so nervous the first time I met one of them," he said, "but after the
sixth, seventh and eighth time, it was no big deal."
He and his nine known siblings are seeking to complete their family by finding
the 11th child, a boy born in 1983. They don't know his name, but think he may
be in the Chicago area.
Fox, joined by his sister, Jennifer Slepicka, of Yorkville, and brother,
Kenneth Ebenstein, of Chicago's North Side, recently gathered at Fox's home to
share their memories.
"It's such a slow process," Fox said of trying to uncover his past. "It takes
years."
Eventually, with the help of the Midwest Adoption Agency, he and his siblings
have been able to track down 10 of the 11 known children. There may be a 12th,
possibly born in Europe in 1958, but nobody knows for sure. For now, 11 is the
working number.
A case worker familiar with the search said the extended family, which
stretches from Florida to Hawaii, "is the biggest family I've ever done any
work with."
"These people are a neat bunch of kids," said the case worker, who requested
anonymity.
It wasn't a case of their birth mother not wanting to keep the children, she
said. It was more that she was not able to provide for them. The woman lived in
Chicago, so most of the children were adopted in Illinois and some moved to
other states with their new families.
Lois Cook, of Worth, adopted Fox when he was a baby. She always felt her son
"was looking for something," she said.
"There was always an emptiness in him," Cook said. "I was supportive of him
when he started searching, and I love all his siblings."
It took five years, but Fox was finally able to meet a sister, Becky Witt, of
Englewood, Colo., in 2000. They, in turn, started meeting other siblings around
the country.
The Midwest Adoption Agency, which handles requests about birth families from
people who have been adopted through the Illinois Department of Children and
Family Services, takes a slow approach to the process. They make sure people
really want to be contacted before connecting family members, director Gretchen
Schulert said.
Some don't, she said, often for financial reasons.
Each adopted person is given a chance to track down one of their siblings, even
if they have more than one. Letters are exchanged after the person is found.
It's up to them whether they ever meet.
Fortunately for Fox and his siblings, none of the 10 turned down the chance to
meet their brothers and sisters.
Slepicka decided to learn about past at about the same time Fox did. A case
worker "put two and two together" and put Slepicka in touch with Fox and Witt.
"I pulled into one end of the circle drive and they pulled into the other,"
Slepicka said. "We got out of our cars at the same time, and I said, 'Oh, my
gosh, you guys are my size, my height, everything. Even our features are
similar.' "
Slepicka used her search to find Ebenstein, a computer specialist who took some
time to convince.
"I'd get these letters in the mail and I'd say, 'Yeah, right,' " he said.
After a second and third attempt by a case worker, each more insistent than the
last, Ebenstein asked his adoptive mother if he was an only child. He was
shocked when she told him he was not, and he agreed to meet Slepicka, Fox and
the others.
"It's a heartfelt experience, knowing you have a sibling out there trying to
reach you. I can't tell you how complete I felt after actually meeting them,"
Ebenstein said, recalling their meeting at Rosebud restaurant on Taylor Street
in Chicago.
"When I saw them for the first time, it was just unbelievable," he said. "To
look at them and be taken aback by the fact that they are my blood relatives."
Talking to relatives who are complete strangers is unusual.
"It's rough at the start, but they were so open to making sure the seeds of the
relationship were definitely going to bloom into great big, beautiful flowers,
and they have," Ebenstein said.
"It's been a wild ride. I don't want to say I crammed a lifetime of experiences
into less than five years at this time, but honest to God, that's what I've
tried to do on some level. Now I've got this huge family, and there's never a
shortage of things to do on holidays. It's totally awesome."
Just as overwhelming is the thought of one woman putting up 11 children for
adoption between 1959 through 1983.
The birth mother, Veronica Mergili, died in March 1999. She had immigrated to
America from Yugoslavia, where she had studied to become a nun. She married a
man named Beckmann in Europe and had three children with him, John Beckmann,
45, of Panama City Beach, Fla.; Mary Uyetake, 44, of Pearl City, Hawaii; and
Arthur Powers, 41, of Midlothian.
"The first two were raised by our grandparents," Slepicka said. "After that,
the story gets vague. She never divorced Mr. Beckmann, came to America and was
very poor. She lived in a one-bedroom apartment, we've gathered, and she kept
having children."
Linda Ritchie, 39, lives in Mokena now. John Hoermann, 35, is in Sarasota, Fla.
Witt, 34, Fox, 33, Ebenstein, 30, and Slepicka, 28, were next. Eric Willman,
23, lives in Wahiawa, Hawaii. The missing brother was born in 1983.
Walter Navarez has been identified through adoption records as the father of
the last eight children. Ebenstein and Fox recently visited an address where
Navarez reportedly lived, but he had moved.
"I want to wring his neck," Ebenstein said. "I'd very much so like to give that
man a piece of my mind. I'd like to let him know that what he did, breaking up
a family, wasn't the right thing."
Slepicka takes a less confrontational approach to the idea of that meeting.
"I understand how you feel," she told Ebenstein, "but I don't share that
feeling. I thank (my birth parents) for bringing me into this world. And I
wouldn't change the way things turned out for myself. Not at all."
The siblings have met their birth mother's younger brother, George Mergili, an
Arlington Heights resident, and he has filled in some blanks regarding family
history. Their grandmother is in a retirement home, they said.
Midwest Adoption Agency's Schulert, who declined to directly discuss this case
without approval from all 10 children, said "sibling connections are extremely
powerful."
"In quite a few cases, the client chooses to contact a sibling rather than a
birth parent. One reason may be the feelings connected to the birth parent are
so complex, with negative or even fearful feelings," she said. "On the other
hand, where you think of a sibling, the first time you connect may be more
joyful than scary."
It was anything but scary for Willman, a car mechanic in Hawaii, when he
learned he had brothers and sisters.
"I was working on the North Side at the time, and got a call from my wife. I
had received what looked like an important letter from the adoption agency,"
Willman said." I rushed home and called on the phone and talked to the case
worker.
"She asked me all these questions and said, 'You are the one.' I thought, 'Oh,
my God.' I knew I was adopted and had no idea I had any siblings at all. My
mindset is if a man and woman could not take care of one baby, why would they
have more. But this has been a blessing for me. It's better than winning the
lottery."
Steve Metsch may be reached at smetsch@dailysouthtown.com or (708) 633-5996.
