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10-13-2004, 06:38 AM
http://www2.townonline.com/stoneham/artsLifestyle/view.bg?articleid=102154
Research and preparation needed for a successful adoption
By Karen Haywood Queen/ Special To The Minuteman
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
An increasing number of parents are adopting children of a different race or
nationality and learning first to establish an atmosphere in their home that
embraces differences of all kinds. Then the families must work to make sure
their children are exposed to other people who look like they do.
"In the Boston and Cambridge areas, it's not uncommon to see many families
with white parents and an Asian child," says Sophia Chin, coordinator of
Continuing Connections with Adoption Choices of Jewish Family Service of
Metrowest in Framingham, which provides post-placement services for adoptive
families.
After an inter-racial adoption, parents have to realize they are now a
different kind of family.
"They are not now the typical Caucasian family or the typical mono-racial
family," Chin says. "Now they're a mixed-race family. They are going to elicit
curiosity, stares and all sorts of reactions in the community. They have to
figure out how to talk about that. They have to figure out how to teach their
children the vocabulary to label their experiences. They have to figure out how
to address the tough issues, such as racism and what it is like being excluded
based on race. All of these things need to be in people's perspective from day
one regardless of how old their child is."
Parents should begin thinking about what they'll do before they even adopt
a child from another heritage, says Joan Clark, executive director of ODS
Adoption Community of New England in Holliston.
"We help educate people about the kind of adoption they're going to do and
the type of child they feel comfortable parenting," Clark says. "Anybody who is
adopting either trans-racially or trans-culturally should make a commitment to
learn about the child's background and be able to teach the child as best they
can about their heritage and background."
Clark adopted children from El Salvador and Columbia more than 20 years
ago when there weren't as many resources for such families. But she worked to
establish a link with her children's birth heritage.
"One of my kids is fluent in Spanish and the other one had a hard time
learning it, but tried to," she says.
Some families who have adopted African American children might choose to
attend a predominantly black church, Clark says. The Boston area Korean and
Chinese communities also have reached out to adopted Korean and Chinese
children, encouraging these children to attend Korean and Chinese language
classes and other activities, she says.
"They should make a concerted effort to have that child make friends with
other children from the same background, or at least a wide mixture of other
children, so the child is not this one child of color in a sea of white
children," Chin says.
That might mean moving to a more diverse neighborhood, Clark and Chin say.
That's a big commitment, but it might be the best thing for the child.
White families who adopt white children from overseas, say from Russia or
the Ukraine, should still keep in mind that the child's cultural heritage is
different and work to establish links.
"Some people who adopt from Asian countries or Central and South America
do not want to think of it as trans-racial, but it is," Clark says.
Finally, parents have to be ready to talk about race. For some families,
those are tough conversations. Some of us, unfortunately, are only a few
generations removed from bigotry and prejudice. But now many people want to
believe everyone is the same.
"There's an ethos that you don't talk about race -- that we're all the
same," Chin says. "That's the drive in America. Everybody should be able to
achieve the same things regardless of race and background. There's a level of
discomfort about talking about it without coming across as prejudiced, without
coming across as using stereotypes. Many parents are trying so hard to fight
against the stereotypes that they go too much the other way -- not talking
about it at all."
Wondering how it would feel to be adopted into a family of another race?
"Every single adult should have the opportunity to be the only person of
their race in a room," Clark says.
-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown
Research and preparation needed for a successful adoption
By Karen Haywood Queen/ Special To The Minuteman
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
An increasing number of parents are adopting children of a different race or
nationality and learning first to establish an atmosphere in their home that
embraces differences of all kinds. Then the families must work to make sure
their children are exposed to other people who look like they do.
"In the Boston and Cambridge areas, it's not uncommon to see many families
with white parents and an Asian child," says Sophia Chin, coordinator of
Continuing Connections with Adoption Choices of Jewish Family Service of
Metrowest in Framingham, which provides post-placement services for adoptive
families.
After an inter-racial adoption, parents have to realize they are now a
different kind of family.
"They are not now the typical Caucasian family or the typical mono-racial
family," Chin says. "Now they're a mixed-race family. They are going to elicit
curiosity, stares and all sorts of reactions in the community. They have to
figure out how to talk about that. They have to figure out how to teach their
children the vocabulary to label their experiences. They have to figure out how
to address the tough issues, such as racism and what it is like being excluded
based on race. All of these things need to be in people's perspective from day
one regardless of how old their child is."
Parents should begin thinking about what they'll do before they even adopt
a child from another heritage, says Joan Clark, executive director of ODS
Adoption Community of New England in Holliston.
"We help educate people about the kind of adoption they're going to do and
the type of child they feel comfortable parenting," Clark says. "Anybody who is
adopting either trans-racially or trans-culturally should make a commitment to
learn about the child's background and be able to teach the child as best they
can about their heritage and background."
Clark adopted children from El Salvador and Columbia more than 20 years
ago when there weren't as many resources for such families. But she worked to
establish a link with her children's birth heritage.
"One of my kids is fluent in Spanish and the other one had a hard time
learning it, but tried to," she says.
Some families who have adopted African American children might choose to
attend a predominantly black church, Clark says. The Boston area Korean and
Chinese communities also have reached out to adopted Korean and Chinese
children, encouraging these children to attend Korean and Chinese language
classes and other activities, she says.
"They should make a concerted effort to have that child make friends with
other children from the same background, or at least a wide mixture of other
children, so the child is not this one child of color in a sea of white
children," Chin says.
That might mean moving to a more diverse neighborhood, Clark and Chin say.
That's a big commitment, but it might be the best thing for the child.
White families who adopt white children from overseas, say from Russia or
the Ukraine, should still keep in mind that the child's cultural heritage is
different and work to establish links.
"Some people who adopt from Asian countries or Central and South America
do not want to think of it as trans-racial, but it is," Clark says.
Finally, parents have to be ready to talk about race. For some families,
those are tough conversations. Some of us, unfortunately, are only a few
generations removed from bigotry and prejudice. But now many people want to
believe everyone is the same.
"There's an ethos that you don't talk about race -- that we're all the
same," Chin says. "That's the drive in America. Everybody should be able to
achieve the same things regardless of race and background. There's a level of
discomfort about talking about it without coming across as prejudiced, without
coming across as using stereotypes. Many parents are trying so hard to fight
against the stereotypes that they go too much the other way -- not talking
about it at all."
Wondering how it would feel to be adopted into a family of another race?
"Every single adult should have the opportunity to be the only person of
their race in a room," Clark says.
-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown
