http://www.koreaherald.co.kr/SITE/data/html_dir/2004/08/30/200408300001.asp

Dear Annie: I read the column concerning adoptees finding their birth mothers
and would like to comment. My firstborn daughter was the result of a rape by a
family member. I knew she would have a much better life if I put her up for
adoption.



She contacted me after she was married and had children. I was pleased to meet
her, learn how her life had gone and impart medical history. However, I made it
clear that I had no intention of usurping the relationship she had with her
adoptive parents. She agreed, but then began to show up at my house at the drop
of a hat and began visiting my younger daughter's house as well.


We didn't want her to think we didn't care, so we shared holidays with her. It
was never enough. For each concession to her feelings, she wanted a dozen more.
Now there is a lot of tension, awkwardness and resentment on both sides. Please
tell those who search not to expect too much. -- A Reader in the West


Dear Reader: Thank you for being so frank. Some of these reunions are
fulfilling, but not all. Read on for more:


From the East Coast: My birth mother turned out to be a schizophrenic living on
the street. I got her into adult foster care, but was never able to have the
conversation with her that I anticipated and longed for. Still, I'm not sorry I
searched. It is important to understand that some reunions work out better than
others, and you must take the good and bad in stride.



-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown

>Subject: Dear AnnieFrom: lilmtncbn@aol.com (LilMtnCbn)Date: 8/29/2004
However, I made it clear that I had no >intention of usurping the relationship
she >had with her adoptive parents.

Unsurp, what an interesting word to use regarding an adult relationship :
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French usurper, from Latin usurpare to
take possession of without legal claim, from usually (ablative of usus use) +
rapere to seize -- more at RAPID
transitive senses
1 a : to seize and hold (as office, place, or powers) in possession by force or
without right <usurp a throne> b : to take or make use of without right
<usurped the rights to her life story>
2 : to take the place of by or as if by force : SUPPLANT <must not let stock
responses based on inherited prejudice usurp careful judgment>
intransitive senses : to seize or exercise authority or possession wrongfully
We didn't want her to think we didn't >care, so we shared holidays with her.It was never enough. For each >concession to her feelings, she wanted a >dozen
more.

How generous, right from the heart. Extortion, threats, naw, just feelings.
How dare that relinquished child to want more than holidays.
Please tell those who search not to >expect too much. -- A Reader in the West

Yes, just sit in the back and just be happy we allow you to ride the damn bus.

Dear Reader:
you must take the good and bad in stride.

Good advice.

tmnkat@aol.com (Tm n Kat) wrote in message news:<20040829112747.21318.00001794@mb-m18.aol.com>...Subject: Dear AnnieFrom: lilmtncbn@aol.com (LilMtnCbn)Date: 8/29/2004However, I made it clear that I had no >intention of usurping the relationship she >had with her adoptive parents. Unsurp, what an interesting word to use regarding an adult relationship : Function: verb Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French usurper, from Latin usurpare to take possession of without legal claim, from usually (ablative of usus use) + rapere to seize -- more at RAPID transitive senses 1 a : to seize and hold (as office, place, or powers) in possession by force or without right <usurp a throne> b : to take or make use of without right <usurped the rights to her life story> 2 : to take the place of by or as if by force : SUPPLANT <must not let stock responses based on inherited prejudice usurp careful judgment> intransitive senses : to seize or exercise authority or possession wrongfullyWe didn't want her to think we didn't >care, so we shared holidays with her.It was never enough. For each >concession to her feelings, she wanted a >dozen more. How generous, right from the heart. Extortion, threats, naw, just feelings. How dare that relinquished child to want more than holidays.Please tell those who search not to >expect too much. -- A Reader in the West Yes, just sit in the back and just be happy we allow you to ride the damn bus.Dear Reader:you must take the good and bad in stride. Good advice.

This post really made me cringe. I felt about it the way you do apparently.