I'm counseling a young man who married too young, had a son, then divorced (I don't know the reasons for divorce). He lives in a small Missouri community where wages are extremely low. The situation put him into depression, making it difficult to keep a job and to keep his child support committment. Now when he works, he gets nothing to live on. Wouldn't you feel hopeless in this situation?

Is there anything he can do to delay child support building up while he seeks treatment so he can work? And is there a way to continue to work, pay child support and still have money left to not have to live on the streets?

Bitterness often causes a mother to take it out on a guy to the point that he's not the only one to suffer, but she brings poverty on herself through his inability to cope with what she dishes out. Remember, ladies -- there are two sides to these stories, and if you want the child support, you also need to be humane.

Please tell me what will be helpful information for him. He dearly loves his child and is not willfully neglecting his responsibility.

:( I hate to tell you, but unfortunately there is nothing he can do about the order. If it has been in effect for 2 years, he can apply for a modification in which he can ask that the amount of the support be lowered based on his current income, but it will not be 'stopped' or 'delayed'. Think about it this way. His child is not going to wait for a few months to eat because his dad doesn't want to, or can't pay child support. Can you imagine how many men would try to get out of paying support if that were possible? Unfortunately our child support system needs an overhaul. For both parents. I have an employee who is in the same situation. He is a working, divorced dad who pays his support and has nothing left. He went without dinner for almost 2 weeks at Christmas time, just so he could save the money to buy his child 2 presents!!!!! If that isn't dedication, I don't know what is. We as a staff found out and helped him, but still. Anyhow, I feel bad for your dad, I do. But until our laws are changed, there will continue to be a ton of parents, men and women (yes women too!!) who pay support and have nothing to show for it. Can he maybe move to a different community? Does he have parents, siblings, or someone who is able to help him out? Can he enroll in college? College students still have to pay support, but generally they are only required to pay the bare minimum allowed by law. Just some thoughts. Tell him good luck and God bless.......

I think you guys did a great job on your comments. I agree there needs to be a change. I think that if it diminishes the NCP than what kind of quality of life is that for the child? I refused CS for just that reason. After 4 years she has re-married and I think that if the spouses are spending 50/50 than the savings can go to the child.
Recently the State has gone after my ex. I have collected the (3) checks, but I have not cashed any yet. I am torn about it. I feel she should contribute, but I feel like be a hypocrite if I do. Yes, we could desperately use the funds, but it is strain on my conscious. There needs to be a level playing field somehow.

Your replies give me hope. I had thought of urging the young man to go to college so he can get a better job. One of you confirmed that.

We will not see him for two weeks, when we plan to travel to his area to counsel him and pray we can give him some direction and hope.

If anyone else has some information or suggestions, please let me know. This is a good kid who wants to do what's right, but as many have, he has found himself trapped in what seems like a dead end spot.

Bud, please check the private message I sent you regarding those cs checks.