Hello, I am new here and have a question for anyone who may know. I will try to summarize this situation as best as I can.

I have a 6 year old daughter who is having perplexing medical problems and the doctors really need to know her father's medical history to rule out some possibilities.

Here's the deal: Once upon a time I was a young stupid teenager and had an "affair" with a married man. We had never had sexual relations, just a secret "affair" meaning kissing, fondling, going for long rides, etc. We had some alcoholic drinks one night but I think there was more to the drink than just alcohol. I passed out and he had sex with me when I was passed out. It was pretty obvious by physical evidence on my body, etc (TMI, sorry) that it happened. I was VERY angry and upset and didn't see him anymore. To make a long story short, I became pregnant and never told anyone who the father was. I lied to just about everyone and claimed I didn't know who it was. It made me look bad in the long run, like I had slept with a lot of people which wasn't the case, but regardless I was protecting him. I know, stupid. As I said, young stupid teenager. I did have state help with medical bills when my daughter was born but have never been on "welfare" since. I finished high school and am going to college part time now and working. I am 20 years old and it's a very busy life for me, but I love my girl desperately.

My question is: If I reveal who the father is, can he fight for custody? He may be ordered to pay child support (which I don't want from him), and if he is , he probably will want visitation. Maybe or maybe not. He is still married to the same women, he has children with her. I'm not proud of my actions. I do NOT want my daughter going to their house and possibly being subjected to ill treatment.

For her health, I know I need to reveal who he is so they can get medical history, but I am very afraid that some kind of screwed up custody battle will ensue. Any suggestions? I need advice!!!

wellif you establish paternity then yes he has a right to her. If you are not on state assistance no you do not have to go after him for support but you would be goofy not too get support from him... Unless you know he has nothing then it would be worthless totry.

Thank you. Yes, he has quite of bit of equity. It's very complicated. He owns a company, that my Dad works for. In other words, he was and still IS my Dad's boss. When I got pregnant, I moved in with my Grandparents in a different state. I'm sure he doesn't even know he is the father of the baby, but I know for certain he is. My parents almost completely disowned me because it was such a family disgrace to have a "slutty" daughter. My Grandparents took care of me from that point on and have been wonderful. Thank you for the reply.

If I do NOT go after child support, then he would have no rights to visitation? Is that how it would work? I am mostly worried that she would not get treated nicely if she went to their house because his wife would be pissed. It's not like he's a serial killer or something. I don't blame him for what happened, but I was angry because he obviously had sex when I was passed out, or maybe I was awake and just don't remember it. Who knows. Anyway, I really don't want her going to their house.

If I do NOT go after child support, then he would have no rights to visitation? Is that how it would work?
No, if he knows about the child, he can petition the court for a DNA test and then sue for visitation and/or custody. If he doesn't want to pay child support, that is a stupid thing to do, because logic dictates that your response is that if he is going to enjoy the FUN of your child, he is going to participate in the responsibility. But, as long as he is the father, he always has the right to petition for his rights as a parent.

Visitation is not dependent on child support. (Except Ceara did tell me that she found that Washington State does allow denial of visitation if the child support has not been paid. I checked it out, and she is right.)

Thank you. Next question is, since I was 14 when I got pregnant, 15 when I had her, will he be in trouble with the law? I am from Pennsylvania, but she was born in NY (where Grandparents live.) I'm not sure which laws would hold up, PA or NY? I am not saying I WANT him to get in trouble, but just asking. If he gets in trouble, and loses his business, my Dad is out of a job. I don't want that to happen. Any advice on that?

Thank you. Next question is, since I was 14 when I got pregnant, 15 when I had her, will he be in trouble with the law? I am from Pennsylvania, but she was born in NY (where Grandparents live.) I'm not sure which laws would hold up, PA or NY? I am not saying I WANT him to get in trouble, but just asking. If he gets in trouble, and loses his business, my Dad is out of a job. I don't want that to happen. Any advice on that?
Okay, the answer is possibly...

Section 5533(b) of Title 42 of the Penn Consolidated Statutes are amended to provide Statute of Limitations (SOL) of 12 years from the date of a victim (statutory rape, child abuse and/or molestation) reaching his or her age of majority.

However, SOL for rape in Pa is 5 years from the date of the offense.

You need to speak to an attorney before you do anything to figure out what charges he would face if the statute of limitations has not expired before you do anything. I would think that the amended statutes would apply because you were 14 when this happened. PA law applies because that is where the offense occured.

Thanks so much for your help, here and in the private messages. For a lot of reasons (that Mommyof 4 knows) I do NOT want him charged with any offenses. This whole situation is a mess. Thanks for the help.