http://www.grandforks.com/mld/grandforks/8967646.htm

FATHER'S DAY: Seeking a faceless father

Woman looks for father stationed in GF in mid-1960s

By Elisa L. Rineheart

Herald Staff Writer


One of Stacy Running's greatest fears is to find out that her biological father
is dead.

Running, 36, a financial administrator in Minneapolis, has been searching for
her birth parents since she was 14 years old.

"I found my biological mother, but she didn't want to have anything to do with
me," Running said.

When Running was born, her mother and father were 17 and 22 years old,
respectively.

Running's father still doesn't know that the woman he dated for a short period
in 1966 had their baby and put her up for adoption, Running said.

Her father, who was stationed at Grand Forks Air Force Base, re-enlisted
shortly after they broke up. Both her parents are of Polish descent.

More than a decade after finding her birth mother, Running has decided to find
her father. Not knowing if he will accept her makes her very anxious, but she
said she is willing to take that risk.

"This is a big step for me," Running said. "If I were to find out that my
father passed away, it would be hard for me, but it would bring me closure."

Birth name

Running said her adopted parents wanted to name her Tracey, but when they
picked her up from a foster home in Red Lake Falls, Minn., they found out that
her birth mother had named her Stacy, so they decided not to change it.

When she was a child, she used to cry in her adopted mother's lap over the lack
of answers about her past, Running said.

With the recent death of her boyfriend's mother, some of the painful feelings
that had been dormant for more than a decade resurfaced with renewed energy.

"The emotions started bubbling up inside me," Running said. "My boyfriend's
mother died so quick it made me realize that something could happen, so I told
my adopted mother that I was going to start looking for my birth father, and
she said 'After all you have gone through? More power to you, kiddo.'"

Time travel

Running was born Sept. 6, 1967 in Grand Forks. When she was 18, she asked
Lutheran Social Services in Minneapolis to find her birth mother. The agency
had processed her adoption Sept. 27, 1968.

But Running's biological mother refused to re-establish contact with her.

"It made me feel terrible," Running said.

"She didn't even want to talk to Lutheran Services. They sent certified
letters, and she wouldn't take the time to say that she didn't want to have
anything to do with it. I know that she has other children because one of them
answered the phone when Lutheran Services called her," Running said.

In her search for answers, Running obtained a report from the adoption agency
with basic background information about her biological parents and her
adoption.

"I think her (biological mother's) family didn't know about me because no one
came to visit me at the hospital," said Running, who was placed in foster care
through Catholic Services in Red Lake Falls.

Running said her childhood was a normal one. "I had ups and downs with my
adopted parents," Running said. "They got divorced when I was 13 years old, but
I had a decent life. My adopted mother and I are best friends."

Finding clues

The only thing Running knows about her father is that he is about 5 feet, 6
inches tall.

Russell Hons, owner of Hons Investigations in Grand Forks, said that, like
Running, most adopted children start their search without a name or any
personal information about their parents.

"In this case, the hinge is on the mother," said Hons, who recommended that
Running contact her again through the adoption agency and ask her for more
information.

If that fails, it is always good to contact a private investigator who
specializes in adoption. The cost ranges from $200 to $2,000 depending on the
complexity of the case, Hons said.

People who can't afford to hire an investigator can always follow the good old
paper trail, he said.

A good place to start is the birth announcement section in the public library.
Newspapers used to publish the names and courtesy titles of people who checked
in and out of the hospital, Hons said.

Talking to longtime hospital employees and neighbors of the suspected parents
can be helpful also, Hons said.

Adoptees with extenuating circumstances, such as a terminal illness, can file a
petition with the court to open their records. However, the chance of obtaining
the special permit is slim.

Since Running's father was in the military, Hons recommended asking the Air
Force base for the duty roster of 1966-67 and looking for a man with a Polish
last name.

"Finding the person's current age should not be difficult," he said.
"Background checks are available online."

In just a few hours, Hons identified 22 Air Force squadrons where Running's
father could have served in 1966.

Most investigative sites charge $9.95 for a single background check or $24 for
multiple searches in a 24-hour period. Some publish the person's age for free.

"Males are not difficult to track down because they don't change their name,"
Hons said. "Then, you could find out their Social Security number and their
address."

Norma Tillman's book "Secrets for Successful Searching" and Adoption.com are
two good sources of information for adoptees who want to find their parents,
seek emotional support or share their experience with others, Hons said.

Running now is in the process of obtaining rosters for each one of the
squadrons Hons recommended, and she is asking anyone who may have information
about her father to contact her at adoption1967@yahoo.com.

She said she has forgiven her mother and respects her decision to remain
anonymous. But she said she should, at least, tell her who her father is.

"She had no right to keep the pregnancy from my father," said Running, who said
she thanks her mother for putting her up for adoption rather than terminating
the pregnancy.



-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown

In article <20040620153416.04176.00000191@mb-m26.aol.com>, LilMtnCbn says...http://www.grandforks.com/mld/grandforks/8967646.htmFATHER'S DAY: Seeking a faceless father

Wow, you know I hate to say it, but I haven't thought of my bdad once today
until I read this.

Happy Fathers' Day, Russell - Where ever you are.

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040620153416.04176.00000191@mb-m26.aol.com>, LilMtnCbn says...http://www.grandforks.com/mld/grandforks/8967646.htmFATHER'S DAY: Seeking a faceless father

Wow, you know I hate to say it, but I haven't thought of my bdad once today
until I read this.

Happy Fathers' Day, Russell - Where ever you are.

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

All I can say is that before she makes a big to do she better make
sure he is really her birthfather and not someone who was just named.
DNA, DNA and more DNA

lilmtncbn@aol.com (LilMtnCbn) wrote in message news:<20040620153416.04176.00000191@mb-m26.aol.com>... http://www.grandforks.com/mld/grandforks/8967646.htm FATHER'S DAY: Seeking a faceless father Woman looks for father stationed in GF in mid-1960s By Elisa L. Rineheart Herald Staff Writer One of Stacy Running's greatest fears is to find out that her biological father is dead. Running, 36, a financial administrator in Minneapolis, has been searching for her birth parents since she was 14 years old. "I found my biological mother, but she didn't want to have anything to do with me," Running said. When Running was born, her mother and father were 17 and 22 years old, respectively. Running's father still doesn't know that the woman he dated for a short period in 1966 had their baby and put her up for adoption, Running said. Her father, who was stationed at Grand Forks Air Force Base, re-enlisted shortly after they broke up. Both her parents are of Polish descent. More than a decade after finding her birth mother, Running has decided to find her father. Not knowing if he will accept her makes her very anxious, but she said she is willing to take that risk. "This is a big step for me," Running said. "If I were to find out that my father passed away, it would be hard for me, but it would bring me closure." Birth name Running said her adopted parents wanted to name her Tracey, but when they picked her up from a foster home in Red Lake Falls, Minn., they found out that her birth mother had named her Stacy, so they decided not to change it. When she was a child, she used to cry in her adopted mother's lap over the lack of answers about her past, Running said. With the recent death of her boyfriend's mother, some of the painful feelings that had been dormant for more than a decade resurfaced with renewed energy. "The emotions started bubbling up inside me," Running said. "My boyfriend's mother died so quick it made me realize that something could happen, so I told my adopted mother that I was going to start looking for my birth father, and she said 'After all you have gone through? More power to you, kiddo.'" Time travel Running was born Sept. 6, 1967 in Grand Forks. When she was 18, she asked Lutheran Social Services in Minneapolis to find her birth mother. The agency had processed her adoption Sept. 27, 1968. But Running's biological mother refused to re-establish contact with her. "It made me feel terrible," Running said. "She didn't even want to talk to Lutheran Services. They sent certified letters, and she wouldn't take the time to say that she didn't want to have anything to do with it. I know that she has other children because one of them answered the phone when Lutheran Services called her," Running said. In her search for answers, Running obtained a report from the adoption agency with basic background information about her biological parents and her adoption. "I think her (biological mother's) family didn't know about me because no one came to visit me at the hospital," said Running, who was placed in foster care through Catholic Services in Red Lake Falls. Running said her childhood was a normal one. "I had ups and downs with my adopted parents," Running said. "They got divorced when I was 13 years old, but I had a decent life. My adopted mother and I are best friends." Finding clues The only thing Running knows about her father is that he is about 5 feet, 6 inches tall. Russell Hons, owner of Hons Investigations in Grand Forks, said that, like Running, most adopted children start their search without a name or any personal information about their parents. "In this case, the hinge is on the mother," said Hons, who recommended that Running contact her again through the adoption agency and ask her for more information. If that fails, it is always good to contact a private investigator who specializes in adoption. The cost ranges from $200 to $2,000 depending on the complexity of the case, Hons said. People who can't afford to hire an investigator can always follow the good old paper trail, he said. A good place to start is the birth announcement section in the public library. Newspapers used to publish the names and courtesy titles of people who checked in and out of the hospital, Hons said. Talking to longtime hospital employees and neighbors of the suspected parents can be helpful also, Hons said. Adoptees with extenuating circumstances, such as a terminal illness, can file a petition with the court to open their records. However, the chance of obtaining the special permit is slim. Since Running's father was in the military, Hons recommended asking the Air Force base for the duty roster of 1966-67 and looking for a man with a Polish last name. "Finding the person's current age should not be difficult," he said. "Background checks are available online." In just a few hours, Hons identified 22 Air Force squadrons where Running's father could have served in 1966. Most investigative sites charge $9.95 for a single background check or $24 for multiple searches in a 24-hour period. Some publish the person's age for free. "Males are not difficult to track down because they don't change their name," Hons said. "Then, you could find out their Social Security number and their address." Norma Tillman's book "Secrets for Successful Searching" and Adoption.com are two good sources of information for adoptees who want to find their parents, seek emotional support or share their experience with others, Hons said. Running now is in the process of obtaining rosters for each one of the squadrons Hons recommended, and she is asking anyone who may have information about her father to contact her at adoption1967@yahoo.com. She said she has forgiven her mother and respects her decision to remain anonymous. But she said she should, at least, tell her who her father is. "She had no right to keep the pregnancy from my father," said Running, who said she thanks her mother for putting her up for adoption rather than terminating the pregnancy. ------------------------- A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!" -----Unknown

All I can say is that before she makes a big to do she better make
sure he is really her birthfather and not someone who was just named.
DNA, DNA and more DNA

lilmtncbn@aol.com (LilMtnCbn) wrote in message news:<20040620153416.04176.00000191@mb-m26.aol.com>... http://www.grandforks.com/mld/grandforks/8967646.htm FATHER'S DAY: Seeking a faceless father Woman looks for father stationed in GF in mid-1960s By Elisa L. Rineheart Herald Staff Writer One of Stacy Running's greatest fears is to find out that her biological father is dead. Running, 36, a financial administrator in Minneapolis, has been searching for her birth parents since she was 14 years old. "I found my biological mother, but she didn't want to have anything to do with me," Running said. When Running was born, her mother and father were 17 and 22 years old, respectively. Running's father still doesn't know that the woman he dated for a short period in 1966 had their baby and put her up for adoption, Running said. Her father, who was stationed at Grand Forks Air Force Base, re-enlisted shortly after they broke up. Both her parents are of Polish descent. More than a decade after finding her birth mother, Running has decided to find her father. Not knowing if he will accept her makes her very anxious, but she said she is willing to take that risk. "This is a big step for me," Running said. "If I were to find out that my father passed away, it would be hard for me, but it would bring me closure." Birth name Running said her adopted parents wanted to name her Tracey, but when they picked her up from a foster home in Red Lake Falls, Minn., they found out that her birth mother had named her Stacy, so they decided not to change it. When she was a child, she used to cry in her adopted mother's lap over the lack of answers about her past, Running said. With the recent death of her boyfriend's mother, some of the painful feelings that had been dormant for more than a decade resurfaced with renewed energy. "The emotions started bubbling up inside me," Running said. "My boyfriend's mother died so quick it made me realize that something could happen, so I told my adopted mother that I was going to start looking for my birth father, and she said 'After all you have gone through? More power to you, kiddo.'" Time travel Running was born Sept. 6, 1967 in Grand Forks. When she was 18, she asked Lutheran Social Services in Minneapolis to find her birth mother. The agency had processed her adoption Sept. 27, 1968. But Running's biological mother refused to re-establish contact with her. "It made me feel terrible," Running said. "She didn't even want to talk to Lutheran Services. They sent certified letters, and she wouldn't take the time to say that she didn't want to have anything to do with it. I know that she has other children because one of them answered the phone when Lutheran Services called her," Running said. In her search for answers, Running obtained a report from the adoption agency with basic background information about her biological parents and her adoption. "I think her (biological mother's) family didn't know about me because no one came to visit me at the hospital," said Running, who was placed in foster care through Catholic Services in Red Lake Falls. Running said her childhood was a normal one. "I had ups and downs with my adopted parents," Running said. "They got divorced when I was 13 years old, but I had a decent life. My adopted mother and I are best friends." Finding clues The only thing Running knows about her father is that he is about 5 feet, 6 inches tall. Russell Hons, owner of Hons Investigations in Grand Forks, said that, like Running, most adopted children start their search without a name or any personal information about their parents. "In this case, the hinge is on the mother," said Hons, who recommended that Running contact her again through the adoption agency and ask her for more information. If that fails, it is always good to contact a private investigator who specializes in adoption. The cost ranges from $200 to $2,000 depending on the complexity of the case, Hons said. People who can't afford to hire an investigator can always follow the good old paper trail, he said. A good place to start is the birth announcement section in the public library. Newspapers used to publish the names and courtesy titles of people who checked in and out of the hospital, Hons said. Talking to longtime hospital employees and neighbors of the suspected parents can be helpful also, Hons said. Adoptees with extenuating circumstances, such as a terminal illness, can file a petition with the court to open their records. However, the chance of obtaining the special permit is slim. Since Running's father was in the military, Hons recommended asking the Air Force base for the duty roster of 1966-67 and looking for a man with a Polish last name. "Finding the person's current age should not be difficult," he said. "Background checks are available online." In just a few hours, Hons identified 22 Air Force squadrons where Running's father could have served in 1966. Most investigative sites charge $9.95 for a single background check or $24 for multiple searches in a 24-hour period. Some publish the person's age for free. "Males are not difficult to track down because they don't change their name," Hons said. "Then, you could find out their Social Security number and their address." Norma Tillman's book "Secrets for Successful Searching" and Adoption.com are two good sources of information for adoptees who want to find their parents, seek emotional support or share their experience with others, Hons said. Running now is in the process of obtaining rosters for each one of the squadrons Hons recommended, and she is asking anyone who may have information about her father to contact her at adoption1967@yahoo.com. She said she has forgiven her mother and respects her decision to remain anonymous. But she said she should, at least, tell her who her father is. "She had no right to keep the pregnancy from my father," said Running, who said she thanks her mother for putting her up for adoption rather than terminating the pregnancy. ------------------------- A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!" -----Unknown

As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her
(adoptee) in reunion with their bfather and if not does anyone want to
be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow
adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who
your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad.

As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her
(adoptee) in reunion with their bfather and if not does anyone want to
be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow
adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who
your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad.

"Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message
news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather and if not does anyone want to be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad.

I am. Jack and I had a DNA test 2 years ago just to make sure. My bmom,
who died a few years ago, was a great lady, but rather boring. Jack,
however, is too cool. He had just turned 18 when I was born (my bmom was
24) and knew nothing about me. He lived in China for a few years, did high
tea occasionally with Madame Chang kai check, met Mao, and hates fundies,
George W Bush and the Republican Party. I couldn't ask for anything better.
A friend of mine compared him to Hunter S. Thompson, but I think that's a
bit of a stretch.

Marley

"Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message
news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather and if not does anyone want to be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad.

I am. Jack and I had a DNA test 2 years ago just to make sure. My bmom,
who died a few years ago, was a great lady, but rather boring. Jack,
however, is too cool. He had just turned 18 when I was born (my bmom was
24) and knew nothing about me. He lived in China for a few years, did high
tea occasionally with Madame Chang kai check, met Mao, and hates fundies,
George W Bush and the Republican Party. I couldn't ask for anything better.
A friend of mine compared him to Hunter S. Thompson, but I think that's a
bit of a stretch.

Marley

"Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message
news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather

Yes.

and if not does anyone want to be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad.

Didn't have DNA done with either bmom or bdad. I know it is usually the
bdad that people want tested but really who's to say that there couldn't be
a mixup at the adoption agency and your bmother isn't really your bmother ;0

Kathy 1

"Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message
news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather

Yes.

and if not does anyone want to be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad.

Didn't have DNA done with either bmom or bdad. I know it is usually the
bdad that people want tested but really who's to say that there couldn't be
a mixup at the adoption agency and your bmother isn't really your bmother ;0

Kathy 1

"kat" <katlat24seeifthishelps@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<2js2i4F159buvU1@uni-berlin.de>... "Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather Yes. and if not does anyone want to be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad. Didn't have DNA done with either bmom or bdad. I know it is usually the bdad that people want tested but really who's to say that there couldn't be a mixup at the adoption agency and your bmother isn't really your bmother ;0 Kathy 1


You are absolutely right and in my case I called and wrote the agency
asking the very same thing. However, they told me the only possible
way a switch could have been made was at the hospital. They provided
me with all of my hospital stay information including baby bracelet,
fingerprints from both me and bmom. I know even that doesn't write
things in stone, however my bmom is dead so that ended that right
there.

I haven't really wanted to be too curious about a bdad after being
wrong twice (that gets a wee bit humiliating) however, I would like to
know all of my medical background. I honestly don't know if I would
want a reunion or not. If I ever found "him" and he wanted to know me
and was a good person I'd give it a shot but if he hadn't told or
didn't want to that would be just fine too. However, I have absolutely
no way to ever figure this mystery out. Argh! Wonder how many kept
kids think the wrong man is their father.

"kat" <katlat24seeifthishelps@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<2js2i4F159buvU1@uni-berlin.de>... "Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather Yes. and if not does anyone want to be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad. Didn't have DNA done with either bmom or bdad. I know it is usually the bdad that people want tested but really who's to say that there couldn't be a mixup at the adoption agency and your bmother isn't really your bmother ;0 Kathy 1


You are absolutely right and in my case I called and wrote the agency
asking the very same thing. However, they told me the only possible
way a switch could have been made was at the hospital. They provided
me with all of my hospital stay information including baby bracelet,
fingerprints from both me and bmom. I know even that doesn't write
things in stone, however my bmom is dead so that ended that right
there.

I haven't really wanted to be too curious about a bdad after being
wrong twice (that gets a wee bit humiliating) however, I would like to
know all of my medical background. I honestly don't know if I would
want a reunion or not. If I ever found "him" and he wanted to know me
and was a good person I'd give it a shot but if he hadn't told or
didn't want to that would be just fine too. However, I have absolutely
no way to ever figure this mystery out. Argh! Wonder how many kept
kids think the wrong man is their father.

"Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message
news:4b23522a.0406230420.6992296@posting.google.co m... "kat" <katlat24seeifthishelps@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:<2js2i4F159buvU1@uni-berlin.de>... "Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather Yes. and if not does anyone want to be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad. Didn't have DNA done with either bmom or bdad. I know it is usually the bdad that people want tested but really who's to say that there couldn't
be a mixup at the adoption agency and your bmother isn't really your
bmother ;0 Kathy 1 You are absolutely right and in my case I called and wrote the agency asking the very same thing. However, they told me the only possible way a switch could have been made was at the hospital. They provided me with all of my hospital stay information including baby bracelet, fingerprints from both me and bmom.

I didn't know agencies would be that forthcoming with information. I never
checked with mine. I'm curious now as to what they would provide, maybe
I'll give them a call.

I know even that doesn't write things in stone, however my bmom is dead so that ended that right there. I haven't really wanted to be too curious about a bdad after being wrong twice (that gets a wee bit humiliating)

That sucks. :( Both my bmother and bfather searched for me (at least that's
what they said) so I assume they are both biologically connected ;)

however, I would like to know all of my medical background.


I am *really* glad I have mine! My afather (76) died in December of colon
cancer. My asister (who is his biological daughter) had a colonscopy and
polyps were found (benign) I was thinking well since we don't have a
biological connection I'll have a colonoscopy but since I'm 45 - I wasn't as
worried about it as if I had a biological connection. Imagine my surprise
when I received a call last month from a bsister telling me our bfather (67)
had colon cancer! I talked with him in the hospital and it is extensively
through his liver and he had a colonscopy less than two years ago. Based on
this new information I am considering having a yearly colonoscopy rather
than one every 5 years or so (as I was previously considering).

I honestly don't know if I would want a reunion or not. If I ever found "him" and he wanted to know me and was a good person I'd give it a shot but if he hadn't told or didn't want to that would be just fine too.

Since we live in different states our reunion has consisted of phone calls,
emails, and one lunch. He did ask my bsister not to tell her children my
true identity at first (we have been reunited 10 years). That irked me
somewhat but it's all water under the bridge now.

However, I have absolutely no way to ever figure this mystery out. Argh!

Yuck.

Wonder how many kept kids think the wrong man is their father.

Probably quite a few. I think the chance of them finding out somewhere down
the line is a little better though because there always seems to be some
relative that can't keep the "secret" (or is suspicious).

Kathy 1

"Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message
news:4b23522a.0406230420.6992296@posting.google.co m... "kat" <katlat24seeifthishelps@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:<2js2i4F159buvU1@uni-berlin.de>... "Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather Yes. and if not does anyone want to be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad. Didn't have DNA done with either bmom or bdad. I know it is usually the bdad that people want tested but really who's to say that there couldn't
be a mixup at the adoption agency and your bmother isn't really your
bmother ;0 Kathy 1 You are absolutely right and in my case I called and wrote the agency asking the very same thing. However, they told me the only possible way a switch could have been made was at the hospital. They provided me with all of my hospital stay information including baby bracelet, fingerprints from both me and bmom.

I didn't know agencies would be that forthcoming with information. I never
checked with mine. I'm curious now as to what they would provide, maybe
I'll give them a call.

I know even that doesn't write things in stone, however my bmom is dead so that ended that right there. I haven't really wanted to be too curious about a bdad after being wrong twice (that gets a wee bit humiliating)

That sucks. :( Both my bmother and bfather searched for me (at least that's
what they said) so I assume they are both biologically connected ;)

however, I would like to know all of my medical background.


I am *really* glad I have mine! My afather (76) died in December of colon
cancer. My asister (who is his biological daughter) had a colonscopy and
polyps were found (benign) I was thinking well since we don't have a
biological connection I'll have a colonoscopy but since I'm 45 - I wasn't as
worried about it as if I had a biological connection. Imagine my surprise
when I received a call last month from a bsister telling me our bfather (67)
had colon cancer! I talked with him in the hospital and it is extensively
through his liver and he had a colonscopy less than two years ago. Based on
this new information I am considering having a yearly colonoscopy rather
than one every 5 years or so (as I was previously considering).

I honestly don't know if I would want a reunion or not. If I ever found "him" and he wanted to know me and was a good person I'd give it a shot but if he hadn't told or didn't want to that would be just fine too.

Since we live in different states our reunion has consisted of phone calls,
emails, and one lunch. He did ask my bsister not to tell her children my
true identity at first (we have been reunited 10 years). That irked me
somewhat but it's all water under the bridge now.

However, I have absolutely no way to ever figure this mystery out. Argh!

Yuck.

Wonder how many kept kids think the wrong man is their father.

Probably quite a few. I think the chance of them finding out somewhere down
the line is a little better though because there always seems to be some
relative that can't keep the "secret" (or is suspicious).

Kathy 1

"kat" <katlat24seeifthishelps@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<2jtcdfF14noiuU1@uni-berlin.de>... "Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message news:4b23522a.0406230420.6992296@posting.google.co m... "kat" <katlat24seeifthishelps@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<2js2i4F159buvU1@uni-berlin.de>... "Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... > As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her > (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather Yes. and if not does anyone want to > be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow > adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who > your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad. Didn't have DNA done with either bmom or bdad. I know it is usually the bdad that people want tested but really who's to say that there couldn't be a mixup at the adoption agency and your bmother isn't really your bmother ;0 Kathy 1 You are absolutely right and in my case I called and wrote the agency asking the very same thing. However, they told me the only possible way a switch could have been made was at the hospital. They provided me with all of my hospital stay information including baby bracelet, fingerprints from both me and bmom. I didn't know agencies would be that forthcoming with information. I never checked with mine. I'm curious now as to what they would provide, maybe I'll give them a call.

The only reason they agreed and even offered to send me the above
mentioned items was because my bmom had died by that time. If she was
living they would not have given me the information (they said). I
was confused because after two failed paternity tests (and desperately
feeling guilty for even questioning my bmom) I thought that maybe
they'd linked me to the wrong person (still wanting to believe she
wasn't lying to me) and that was when the agency basically sent me a
full copy of my file. My bmom had me in a full reunion with the man
she claimed was my bfather, who'd spent 30 years wondering about
me...but alas. Then after she and I had a huge blow up about Dad
number one, my favorite baunt called me and told me that this man (she
knew him) approached her and asked her about me claiming that his
brother was my birthfather and that my bmother was still in contact
with their family regarding this situation. So, I meet him and guess
what...not him either. By this point she had died and prior to her
death, I hoped she was going to tell me the truth but I certainly
didn't even mention the situation to her again. She was way to sick
and I just didn't feel it was appropriate. I know even that doesn't write things in stone, however my bmom is dead so that ended that right there. I haven't really wanted to be too curious about a bdad after being wrong twice (that gets a wee bit humiliating) That sucks. :( Both my bmother and bfather searched for me (at least that's what they said) so I assume they are both biologically connected ;) however, I would like to know all of my medical background. I am *really* glad I have mine! My afather (76) died in December of colon cancer. My asister (who is his biological daughter) had a colonscopy and polyps were found (benign) I was thinking well since we don't have a biological connection I'll have a colonoscopy but since I'm 45 - I wasn't as worried about it as if I had a biological connection. Imagine my surprise when I received a call last month from a bsister telling me our bfather (67) had colon cancer! I talked with him in the hospital and it is extensively through his liver and he had a colonscopy less than two years ago. Based on this new information I am considering having a yearly colonoscopy rather than one every 5 years or so (as I was previously considering).

Well, as I said before my bmom died after I met her from lymphoma/lung
cancer. Prior to my even meeting her she had colon cancer which
resulted in part of her colon being removed and breast cancer and a
double mastectomy (sp?). I have a brother and sister with a mild heart
condition and the bsister (who I am not involved with but do hear
about) is undergoing tests for cancer. I am very glad I have that
information. Especially now that I am a Mom, I want to be around for a
long time. But all of that makes me wonder what is on my bfather's
medical information. I will most likely never know because I wouldn't
even know where to start. I honestly don't know if I would want a reunion or not. If I ever found "him" and he wanted to know me and was a good person I'd give it a shot but if he hadn't told or didn't want to that would be just fine too. Since we live in different states our reunion has consisted of phone calls, emails, and one lunch. He did ask my bsister not to tell her children my true identity at first (we have been reunited 10 years). That irked me somewhat but it's all water under the bridge now.

That would irk me too. Secrets are pretty rotten, especially when YOU
are the secret. I live in a different state from my bfamily too.

"kat" <katlat24seeifthishelps@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<2jtcdfF14noiuU1@uni-berlin.de>... "Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message news:4b23522a.0406230420.6992296@posting.google.co m... "kat" <katlat24seeifthishelps@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<2js2i4F159buvU1@uni-berlin.de>... "Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... > As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her > (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather Yes. and if not does anyone want to > be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow > adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who > your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad. Didn't have DNA done with either bmom or bdad. I know it is usually the bdad that people want tested but really who's to say that there couldn't be a mixup at the adoption agency and your bmother isn't really your bmother ;0 Kathy 1 You are absolutely right and in my case I called and wrote the agency asking the very same thing. However, they told me the only possible way a switch could have been made was at the hospital. They provided me with all of my hospital stay information including baby bracelet, fingerprints from both me and bmom. I didn't know agencies would be that forthcoming with information. I never checked with mine. I'm curious now as to what they would provide, maybe I'll give them a call.

The only reason they agreed and even offered to send me the above
mentioned items was because my bmom had died by that time. If she was
living they would not have given me the information (they said). I
was confused because after two failed paternity tests (and desperately
feeling guilty for even questioning my bmom) I thought that maybe
they'd linked me to the wrong person (still wanting to believe she
wasn't lying to me) and that was when the agency basically sent me a
full copy of my file. My bmom had me in a full reunion with the man
she claimed was my bfather, who'd spent 30 years wondering about
me...but alas. Then after she and I had a huge blow up about Dad
number one, my favorite baunt called me and told me that this man (she
knew him) approached her and asked her about me claiming that his
brother was my birthfather and that my bmother was still in contact
with their family regarding this situation. So, I meet him and guess
what...not him either. By this point she had died and prior to her
death, I hoped she was going to tell me the truth but I certainly
didn't even mention the situation to her again. She was way to sick
and I just didn't feel it was appropriate. I know even that doesn't write things in stone, however my bmom is dead so that ended that right there. I haven't really wanted to be too curious about a bdad after being wrong twice (that gets a wee bit humiliating) That sucks. :( Both my bmother and bfather searched for me (at least that's what they said) so I assume they are both biologically connected ;) however, I would like to know all of my medical background. I am *really* glad I have mine! My afather (76) died in December of colon cancer. My asister (who is his biological daughter) had a colonscopy and polyps were found (benign) I was thinking well since we don't have a biological connection I'll have a colonoscopy but since I'm 45 - I wasn't as worried about it as if I had a biological connection. Imagine my surprise when I received a call last month from a bsister telling me our bfather (67) had colon cancer! I talked with him in the hospital and it is extensively through his liver and he had a colonscopy less than two years ago. Based on this new information I am considering having a yearly colonoscopy rather than one every 5 years or so (as I was previously considering).

Well, as I said before my bmom died after I met her from lymphoma/lung
cancer. Prior to my even meeting her she had colon cancer which
resulted in part of her colon being removed and breast cancer and a
double mastectomy (sp?). I have a brother and sister with a mild heart
condition and the bsister (who I am not involved with but do hear
about) is undergoing tests for cancer. I am very glad I have that
information. Especially now that I am a Mom, I want to be around for a
long time. But all of that makes me wonder what is on my bfather's
medical information. I will most likely never know because I wouldn't
even know where to start. I honestly don't know if I would want a reunion or not. If I ever found "him" and he wanted to know me and was a good person I'd give it a shot but if he hadn't told or didn't want to that would be just fine too. Since we live in different states our reunion has consisted of phone calls, emails, and one lunch. He did ask my bsister not to tell her children my true identity at first (we have been reunited 10 years). That irked me somewhat but it's all water under the bridge now.

That would irk me too. Secrets are pretty rotten, especially when YOU
are the secret. I live in a different state from my bfamily too.

>Subject: Re: FATHER'S DAY: Seeking a faceless fatherFrom: aspensky@knology.net (Debbie)Date: 6/22/2004
As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her(adoptee) in reunion with their bfather and if not does anyone want tobe (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellowadoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know whoyour bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad.

I had the opportunity to know my bdad for about five years before he passed
away. We never questioned it and didn't have any blood tests so I suppose we
had about the same odds as the general population.
In addition, my birthsister (same parents) and I look very much alike.
Kathy J

>Subject: Re: FATHER'S DAY: Seeking a faceless fatherFrom: aspensky@knology.net (Debbie)Date: 6/22/2004
As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her(adoptee) in reunion with their bfather and if not does anyone want tobe (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellowadoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know whoyour bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad.

I had the opportunity to know my bdad for about five years before he passed
away. We never questioned it and didn't have any blood tests so I suppose we
had about the same odds as the general population.
In addition, my birthsister (same parents) and I look very much alike.
Kathy J

"Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message
news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather and if not does anyone want to be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad.

I am in reunion with my bdad. I don't doubt he is my bdad, but haven't had
DNA tests run. Although the ages and the races of my bparents made me
pretty sure it was them. My bmom passed away a few years ago and it still
hurts. I am going to visit my bdad for a week next month.

KL




----== Posted via Newsfeed.Com - Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==----
http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000 Newsgroups
---= 19 East/West-Coast Specialized Servers - Total Privacy via Encryption =---

"Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message
news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather and if not does anyone want to be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad.

I am in reunion with my bdad. I don't doubt he is my bdad, but haven't had
DNA tests run. Although the ages and the races of my bparents made me
pretty sure it was them. My bmom passed away a few years ago and it still
hurts. I am going to visit my bdad for a week next month.

KL




----== Posted via Newsfeed.Com - Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==----
http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000 Newsgroups
---= 19 East/West-Coast Specialized Servers - Total Privacy via Encryption =---

"KL" <klbjornme@aohell.com> wrote in message news:<40db0db9_1@127.0.0.1>... "Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather and if not does anyone want to be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad. I am in reunion with my bdad. I don't doubt he is my bdad, but haven't had DNA tests run. Although the ages and the races of my bparents made me pretty sure it was them. My bmom passed away a few years ago and it still hurts. I am going to visit my bdad for a week next month. KL ----== Posted via Newsfeed.Com - Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==---- http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000 Newsgroups ---= 19 East/West-Coast Specialized Servers - Total Privacy via Encryption =---


My bmom died about three years ago and yup, still hurts and I had very
mixed emotions about her. I would have not questioned either of the
two fellows named as my bfather. They both looked like me. The first
one is the one who thought for the past 3 plus decades that he was my
father. He asked for a DNA test. I never would have questioned it.
Said he never knew when my bday was for sure and once he met me it
wasn't at the time he was with my bmom. Turns out he was right.
Timing was right for dad prospect number 2 but DNA said otherwise
soooooo with her gone (not sure she would have helped me anyhow) there
is absolutely no way to find out anymore (that I know of). Both of
the men (to their credit) would have welcomed me with open arms. I
know everyone is not like that. Makes me sad for him on some level
because if he never knew, he didn't have a choice and not only does he
have a biological daughter but a beautiful grandchild. Oh well, just
venting.

"KL" <klbjornme@aohell.com> wrote in message news:<40db0db9_1@127.0.0.1>... "Debbie" <aspensky@knology.net> wrote in message news:4b23522a.0406221540.1c0254c1@posting.google.c om... As an aside to this article and Father's Day, is anyone posting her (adoptee) in reunion with their bfather and if not does anyone want to be (as much as with bmother?) I was just wondering about my fellow adoptees views on this. Also, how are you certain (if you do know who your bdad is) that the named bdad is the right bdad. I am in reunion with my bdad. I don't doubt he is my bdad, but haven't had DNA tests run. Although the ages and the races of my bparents made me pretty sure it was them. My bmom passed away a few years ago and it still hurts. I am going to visit my bdad for a week next month. KL ----== Posted via Newsfeed.Com - Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==---- http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000 Newsgroups ---= 19 East/West-Coast Specialized Servers - Total Privacy via Encryption =---


My bmom died about three years ago and yup, still hurts and I had very
mixed emotions about her. I would have not questioned either of the
two fellows named as my bfather. They both looked like me. The first
one is the one who thought for the past 3 plus decades that he was my
father. He asked for a DNA test. I never would have questioned it.
Said he never knew when my bday was for sure and once he met me it
wasn't at the time he was with my bmom. Turns out he was right.
Timing was right for dad prospect number 2 but DNA said otherwise
soooooo with her gone (not sure she would have helped me anyhow) there
is absolutely no way to find out anymore (that I know of). Both of
the men (to their credit) would have welcomed me with open arms. I
know everyone is not like that. Makes me sad for him on some level
because if he never knew, he didn't have a choice and not only does he
have a biological daughter but a beautiful grandchild. Oh well, just
venting.