This is not so much a legal question but more a vent and some non-legal advice. I have never received a child support payment in 7 years and finally child support enforcement was able to verify his address and sent him a letter stating he had had until May 7 to make a payment or they were going to pursue a contempt of court-court date. Well he has always made 1 excuse after another, 1st it was, let me have visitation, so we did a couple supervised visits to make sure my daughter was comfortable, then we did the weekends, he never wanted her more than every other weekend. So then it was let me have her for the summer, then over CHristmas and I agreed for my daughter....

Well after he had no excuses he finally up and said "I will sit in jail for the rest of my life before I pay you any money". So, I still allowed visits, by this time my daughter knew him, so for 2 years no support. His girlfriend has always been a major part of their visitation and she has been the primary caretaker while my daughter is there until she started to work on Sundays, when this started my daughter was there with her Dad all day Sunday with his girlfriends kids. My daughter comes home in December and tells me that her Dad slept all day long and she had to beg him to get up and fix her something to eat. She said she had drank 4 juiceboxes that day because her Dad wouldnt get up and get her anything else. When this happened I told him that he could only get her when his girlfriend would be home. His girlfriend said she got off of work at 6 pm and went home and their food for lunch was still sitting on the table warm where he had just fed them lunch,(she fed them breakfast before she left for work) So my daughter went all day only eating snacks and drinking juiceboxes that she could get herself. He has gotten her twice since Christmas because of the conditions that I have put on visitation and I feel bad for my daughter but at the same time I felt horrible when she had to beg for food all day.

I just called Child support enforcement and they advised me that he has given them an incorrect address (this will put off him being sent court papers since they have to reverify it through the post office) and I am hot....They also said that the last papers they sent to him were marked "return to sender" like he had moved and he hasnt. My daughter was there last weekend. I called his girlfriend to verify with her and she said they had not moved and he was lying.... WHAT DO I DO????? Do I keep allowing this visitation that is on completely ridiculous terms when he is treating my daughter like this? He told his girlfriend "Until she stops using my daughter as a crutch I am not paying anything" Well what he doesnt realize is this is not his choice, and use her as a crutch? WTF? I have always worked 2 jobs until I recently became pregnant and I have never gotten a single penny in child support?? How am I using her as a crutch? I am all for my daughters best interest but where do I draw the line? I have already stopped speaking to my childs father because every converstation turns into him yelling and cussing and calling me names so I have been content with dealing with his girlfriend for my child but where do I draw the line? He was supposed to get her last weekend and never called to let her know he was coming of anything so she called him and he lied and said he had to work (his girlfriend said he hasnt working.) Anyways, I am sorry this is so long but where do I draw the line? How much of this ignorance do I tolerate before I say enough is enough. I am in Florida and there is no set visitation, i have just always allowed it for my little girl.....

He also told his girlfriend that he doesnt want to pay because I might spend the money on my boyfriend (Okay I dont have a boyfriend) but whatever. I am just so frustrated. What does any of this have to do with my childs needs? Even if I wanted to spend MY money on my boyfriend (if I had one) what is it his business and furthermore I didnt spend my money on him when I was 18 years old when he was my boyfriend so why would I spend money on someone now when I am 27? Why all the excuses? Why doesnt he love his child enough to make sure she has food and shelter? I live with my mother, drive a 2001 Grand am and have 2 pair of pants that fit me since I became pregnant, but my daughter has more than what she needs, wouldnt it be obvious I am not spending money irresponsibly?

Do I think you are over reacting? No, you have continued to let him have a relationship with your daughter even though there is no court order stipulating that he has that right.

As to the CS, just completely seperate it in your mind from the visitation issue. If I were you, I would keep on the enforcement until his life is either so miserable, he can't stand it anymore, or you get the child support that he owes. (This is NOT a situation where he is behind because he can't afford cs. This is a situation where he blatantly stated that he will not pay.)

As for the visitation, since you have no court order, you are free to allow or disallow visitation depending on what you are comfortable with. If you decide to let him see her only in a supervised setting, that is perfectly fine. If this were my daughter, and I found out that she had no supervision and was not being fed, I would be furious. I completely understand your frustration. I would NOT completely end visitation, only because it seems that it would hurt your daughter. But I wouldn't trust him to stay alone with her for a minute. If it gets to the point that your daughter expresses her discomfort with visiting with him, you can address that then.

Now, calm down and breathe. You are very lucky that his gf is a good person, although why she stays with someone like this, I have no idea. :rolleyes:

Thanks for your response. It really is hard and that is also something I wonder, his girlfriend is a sweet and pretty girl and deserves so much better. She also said that from now on she is not calling to get my daughter for him and she has told him he has got to start taking the initiative to do this. I have a feeling all visitation will stop soon. Now that I think about it I really dont know what I want. I want his help but also am tired of picking up his slack and lying for him so my daughter doesnt have hurt feelings. It really is hard to be the bigger person. It gets so hard, especially when I think about the things he has said, like tells me he wishes she was never born. This would kill my daughter if she knew and because of that I would never tell her but I am sure you can imagine how hard it is to send your kid off with someone who you know feels that way, and I would love to think hes only saying it to make me mad but clearly by his actions he really feels that way.....He only cares about himself. If I have learned anything its that God really knows what hes talking about when he says to not have kids with someone whom you wouldnt want to spend the rest of your life with, day and night, 24/7 and share everything forever.....

you know you can not make someone do something they do not want to do. He is just an *** and wants his daughter to be with out. if there is no court visitatation they do not let him see her. why don't you go down and file an enforcement on her child support order? they will do everythng to try to find him toserve him with papers.

If he still wants visitation after his girlfriend stops helping, I would tell him that he is more than welcome to come to your house to see the child anytime he wants as long as he gives you 24 hour notice before coming over. If he doesn't like it TOUGH!!! Tell him to feel free to hire a lawyer and take the matter to court. If he does, file a counter motion for the child support.

He would have a hard time explaining how it is that he can afford a lawyer when he can't manage to pay child support.

If he actually uses the excuse that he THINKS you MAY misuse the child support, once the judge stops the hysterical laughing, the ex will be smacked right of that pedestal he is on.

You do NOT have to explain what it would be spent on. You can spend the money on crack and botox injection and it's none of his business. As long as the child's needs are met the judge is not going to hold you accountable for where the money went.

What I don't get is why cse feels the need to verify the address before taking any further action. Virtually every court order requires that the parties have XX amount of time to notify CSE of any change of address. If he really did move without notifying CSE of the change, he is in violation of the court order. But if he did not move, he is trying to avoid being served. Either way, they can proceed with the case. They should have sent a deputy for personal service. He still wouldn't have to ACCEPT it, but then CSE would have proof of attempting to serve him.

The judge WILL grant his wish of rotting in jail. He would be better off making payment arrangements. If he waits until he's in jail, he'll have to pay a purge amount before being released (and it won't be cheap either). It's simply amazing how most people can suddenly come up with all the money in the world to get themselves out. Especially considering they've been living in a box under a bridge because of being "bled dry" by the ex. :rolleyes:

Thanks for the replies. He has been advised that is he goes to jail his purge will be $1300. I call child support enforcement all the time and get nothing but the run around. Its always one excuse after another. Even though he is in contempt of a court order by not keeping them updated they always say they can not hold him responsible for any info that is sent to an address that has not been confirmed by the post office and its so easy to get the post office to report that he has moved. They said that all he has to do is mark one piece of mail "return to sender, no longer lives here" and then that address is now no longer able to be used to send the contempt of court info. I then have to call and tell them that he does live there, then they send another letter and verify that it gets there then the whole process starts over. Before I allowed my daughter visitation through his girlfriend I told him he could come to my mothers and see his daughter and I would even leave so he couldnt say it was about me. He refused, he wouldnt come, he even told my daughter he didnt come because he didnt want to look at my face, she asked him why he said we dont get along. She then asked me why we didnt get along and I told her the truth, that her dad dislikes me because I expect him to help take care of her and her needs. SHe is 7, while she doesnt completely understand I am sure she sees the Birthdays and holidays go by with nothing from him but she still loves him and wants to see him. CHild support enforcement here is so stupid. They do everything they can for people who are getting assistance but if you arent getting assistance you arent important at all. It took them 3 years to be able to finally verify this address and now that he has called and then they also said the post office returned the latest letter sent on may 1, saying that it was marked return to sender like he had moved, thats why they have to reverify his address. I know the day will come but it has also been put off now because of this whole address thing and as dumb as he is, he atleast knew it would be in his temporary benefit to return the mail and lie and say he moved. They are saying they cant send contempt of court papers until they verify an address and they cant verify an address through the post office if he returns mail and if he gave them a bogus address his mail will get returned from there too. He doesnt realize that the longer he avoids them the worse it will be..... I am just just so frustrated dealing with this, its been 7 years, with not a penny, shouldnt that be a clear indicator to them that he can not be trusted as far as reporting his info and even given anymore chances.