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LilMtnCbn
05-25-2004, 10:19 AM
http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/living/8753278.htm?1c

Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

By Betsy Flagler

United Feature Syndicate


Q: Our adopted 10-year-old son has a severe attachment disorder because of what
he missed out on in his early years in an orphanage in Russia. Our neighbors
and his teachers don't understand that what works for other kids doesn't apply
to him. -- Mother in Charlotte, N.C.

A: In the lives of kids who struggle to love, the lack of understanding stems
from not seeing or hearing both sides of the story, parents and experts say.

One mother says of the Russian boy she adopted at age 4: ``He told his teachers
I wouldn't help him with his homework. He left out the part about how he was
stabbing holes in the wall with pencils so I had to take them away.''

Neighbors worried about another boy who had only a mattress on the floor. What
they didn't know: He chipped away the wood of the headboard to use as weapons.

Lark Eshleman, Ph.D., author of the new book Becoming a Family: Promoting
Healthy Attachments with Your Adopted Child (Taylor Publishing Company, 2004),
says adoptive mothers particularly tend to take the brunt of the disturbed
child's aggression, disrespect and emotional outbursts.

The missing piece for kids with an inability to form relationships is a lack of
conscience, Eshleman says. Babies are born with a need to attach. Every time a
baby cries and a caregiver answers, trust builds. If nobody answers repeatedly,
the cycle of trust is broken. Normal parenting doesn't work for the child who
doesn't trust and accept limits.

``Few people will ever really understand what she and her husband are going
through,'' says Brad Andrews of Garland, Texas. ``They usually end up blaming
the parents for things that are out of their control.''

The Andrews adopted four siblings 10 years ago. The older two, ages 5 and 7
when adopted, have faced severe attachment issues. Last year, while the couple
focused on their 17-year-old daughter, their son, 14, ran away, made threats,
and had to be placed in a long-term care facility, the father says.

``Looking back, I can see he had all the signs of attachment disorder, but
since he was more sociable, we didn't realize how deep his issues really
were,'' he says.

A mother who adopted a toddler in California has a common complaint among
parents: Her daughter appeared charming and manipulated her teachers. ``I told
the teachers to tell her the rule, but not give her 10 chances. The schools
failed me.''

Maggie Macaulay, an adult adoptee and parent educator in Broward County, Fla.,
suggests parents of kids with attachment problems remember that others lack
experience with the disorder and need to be educated in positive ways.

``Enroll folks in your mission to teach your child that people, especially Mom
and Dad, are reliable, that it is OK to love deeply, that his family is
forever, and that he is loveable,'' Macaulay says. ``Have meetings throughout
the school year with teachers. Let new teachers know how they can help.''

Other tips:

• ``The mother must advocate for her son,'' says Linda Lisowski of Elizabeth
City, N.C., a former foster mother and an associate professor of special
education. ``If he has academic problems, he is eligible for special education
services as a child with an emotional disorder.'' An Individualized Education
Program needs to be developed with the mother.

• Find a support group with other adoptive parents.

• The Association for Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children
(ATTACh), based in Columbia, S.C., is an international coalition of parents,
professionals and others working to increase awareness about attachment issues.
Call 866-453-8224 for more information. The Web site is www.attach.org.

• A 20-year-old Virginia Beach, Va., reader, and his adoptive mother offer
seasoned advice: He says lack of attention and care in his first year of foster
care was distressing. ``People like us naturally have a tendency to distrust
others. Even though I don't fully trust my parents, I love them very much.''

His mother's view: ``Our son doesn't trust so he hasn't ever been honest with
the doctors, and he's always been diagnosed with less serious problems. Our son
has been a difficult person to enjoy, but now that he's grown I would recommend
to the next parent -- don't take things away to make them do what you want.
Help them learn, whether it's to put one problem on a page or to assist them in
cleanup as a young child. The most needy or worst-behaved child needs to be
loved the most and in a constant way.''

• Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment
therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guide to
Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families by
Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. For more
information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com.


-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "**** . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown

AdoptaDad
05-25-2004, 02:36 PM
>Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love
From: lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn)Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight TimeMessage-id: <20040525121903.17730.00002088@mb-m16.aol.com>http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/living/8753278.htm?1cSome adoptees struggle to trust, loveBy Betsy FlaglerUnited Feature SyndicateQ: Our adopted 10-year-old son has a severe attachment disorderbecause of what he missed out on in his early years in an orphanagein Russia. Our neighbors and his teachers don't understand that whatworks for other kids doesn't apply to him. -- Mother in Charlotte, N.C.A: In the lives of kids who struggle to love, the lack of understanding stemsfrom not seeing or hearing both sides of the story, parents and experts say.One mother says of the Russian boy she adopted at age 4: ``He told histeachers I wouldn't help him with his homework. He left out the part abouthow he was stabbing holes in the wall with pencils so I had to take themaway.''

We took the door off our daughter's bedroom because of her repeated
self-destructive behavior after bedtime. She's told several classmates that
her parents don't give her any privacy.

Neighbors worried about another boy who had only a mattress on the floor.What they didn't know: He chipped away the wood of the headboard to use asweapons.

I used to supervise my daughter's bathtime after she (twice) flooded the
upstairs bathroom floor to such an extent that hundreds of gallons seeped
through the floor into the kitchen downstairs.

Now my wife supervises her bathtime because she's of an age where it's
inappropriate for fathers to be present.

Lark Eshleman, Ph.D., author of the new book Becoming a Family: PromotingHealthy Attachments with Your Adopted Child (Taylor Publishing Company,2004), says adoptive mothers particularly tend to take the brunt of the
disturbed
child's aggression, disrespect and emotional outbursts.

So true. As much as I complain, it is my wife who takes the brunt of of her
anger and aggression.

The missing piece for kids with an inability to form relationships is a lackof conscience, Eshleman says.

Or the absolute inability to feel empathy. Or remorse. Or shame, when
appropriate.

Babies are born with a need to attach. Every time a baby cries and a caregiveranswers, trust builds. If nobody answers repeatedly, the cycle of trust is
broken.
Normal parenting doesn't work for the child who doesn't trust and accept
limits.

"Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are often
brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.

``Few people will ever really understand what she and her husband are goingthrough,'' says Brad Andrews of Garland, Texas. ``They usually end up blamingthe parents for things that are out of their control.''

Don't I know it.

The Andrews adopted four siblings 10 years ago. The older two, ages 5 and 7when adopted, have faced severe attachment issues. Last year, while thecouple focused on their 17-year-old daughter, their son, 14, ran away, madethreats, and had to be placed in a long-term care facility, the father says.``Looking back, I can see he had all the signs of attachment disorder, butsince he was more sociable, we didn't realize how deep his issues reallywere,'' he says.A mother who adopted a toddler in California has a common complaint amongparents: Her daughter appeared charming and manipulated her teachers. ``Itold the teachers to tell her the rule, but not give her 10 chances. The
schools
failed me.''

Fortunately, my wife is on the faculty of the school where my daughter
attends.

Maggie Macaulay, an adult adoptee and parent educator in Broward County,Fla., suggests parents of kids with attachment problems remember that others
lack
experience with the disorder and need to be educated in positive ways.``Enroll folks in your mission to teach your child that people, especiallyMom and Dad, are reliable, that it is OK to love deeply, that his family isforever, and that he is loveable,'' Macaulay says. ``Have meetings throughoutthe school year with teachers. Let new teachers know how they can help.''Other tips:• ``The mother must advocate for her son,'' says Linda Lisowski of ElizabethCity, N.C., a former foster mother and an associate professor of specialeducation. ``If he has academic problems, he is eligible for special educationservices as a child with an emotional disorder.'' An Individualized EducationProgram needs to be developed with the mother.• Find a support group with other adoptive parents.

Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who have
been there, done that, and survived.

• The Association for Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children(ATTACh), based in Columbia, S.C., is an international coalition of parents,professionals and others working to increase awareness about attachmentissues.Call 866-453-8224 for more information. The Web site is www.attach.org.• A 20-year-old Virginia Beach, Va., reader, and his adoptive mother offerseasoned advice: He says lack of attention and care in his first year offoster care was distressing. ``People like us naturally have a tendency todistrust others. Even though I don't fully trust my parents, I love them very
much.''
His mother's view: ``Our son doesn't trust so he hasn't ever been honest withthe doctors, and he's always been diagnosed with less serious problems. Ourson has been a difficult person to enjoy, but now that he's grown I wouldrecommend to the next parent -- don't take things away to make them do whatyou want.

Sage advice. Giving consequences for poor behaviors doesn't work with
attachment disordered children. It simply reinforces their disorder.

Help them learn, whether it's to put one problem on a page or to assist themin cleanup as a young child. The most needy or worst-behaved child needs to beloved the most and in a constant way.''• Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachmenttherapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guideto Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families byDesign, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. Formore information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com.

Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There are
specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in the
face of conventional parenting.

Dad

AdoptaDad
05-25-2004, 02:36 PM
>Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love
From: lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn)Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight TimeMessage-id: <20040525121903.17730.00002088@mb-m16.aol.com>http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/living/8753278.htm?1cSome adoptees struggle to trust, loveBy Betsy FlaglerUnited Feature SyndicateQ: Our adopted 10-year-old son has a severe attachment disorderbecause of what he missed out on in his early years in an orphanagein Russia. Our neighbors and his teachers don't understand that whatworks for other kids doesn't apply to him. -- Mother in Charlotte, N.C.A: In the lives of kids who struggle to love, the lack of understanding stemsfrom not seeing or hearing both sides of the story, parents and experts say.One mother says of the Russian boy she adopted at age 4: ``He told histeachers I wouldn't help him with his homework. He left out the part abouthow he was stabbing holes in the wall with pencils so I had to take themaway.''

We took the door off our daughter's bedroom because of her repeated
self-destructive behavior after bedtime. She's told several classmates that
her parents don't give her any privacy.

Neighbors worried about another boy who had only a mattress on the floor.What they didn't know: He chipped away the wood of the headboard to use asweapons.

I used to supervise my daughter's bathtime after she (twice) flooded the
upstairs bathroom floor to such an extent that hundreds of gallons seeped
through the floor into the kitchen downstairs.

Now my wife supervises her bathtime because she's of an age where it's
inappropriate for fathers to be present.

Lark Eshleman, Ph.D., author of the new book Becoming a Family: PromotingHealthy Attachments with Your Adopted Child (Taylor Publishing Company,2004), says adoptive mothers particularly tend to take the brunt of the
disturbed
child's aggression, disrespect and emotional outbursts.

So true. As much as I complain, it is my wife who takes the brunt of of her
anger and aggression.

The missing piece for kids with an inability to form relationships is a lackof conscience, Eshleman says.

Or the absolute inability to feel empathy. Or remorse. Or shame, when
appropriate.

Babies are born with a need to attach. Every time a baby cries and a caregiveranswers, trust builds. If nobody answers repeatedly, the cycle of trust is
broken.
Normal parenting doesn't work for the child who doesn't trust and accept
limits.

"Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are often
brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.

``Few people will ever really understand what she and her husband are goingthrough,'' says Brad Andrews of Garland, Texas. ``They usually end up blamingthe parents for things that are out of their control.''

Don't I know it.

The Andrews adopted four siblings 10 years ago. The older two, ages 5 and 7when adopted, have faced severe attachment issues. Last year, while thecouple focused on their 17-year-old daughter, their son, 14, ran away, madethreats, and had to be placed in a long-term care facility, the father says.``Looking back, I can see he had all the signs of attachment disorder, butsince he was more sociable, we didn't realize how deep his issues reallywere,'' he says.A mother who adopted a toddler in California has a common complaint amongparents: Her daughter appeared charming and manipulated her teachers. ``Itold the teachers to tell her the rule, but not give her 10 chances. The
schools
failed me.''

Fortunately, my wife is on the faculty of the school where my daughter
attends.

Maggie Macaulay, an adult adoptee and parent educator in Broward County,Fla., suggests parents of kids with attachment problems remember that others
lack
experience with the disorder and need to be educated in positive ways.``Enroll folks in your mission to teach your child that people, especiallyMom and Dad, are reliable, that it is OK to love deeply, that his family isforever, and that he is loveable,'' Macaulay says. ``Have meetings throughoutthe school year with teachers. Let new teachers know how they can help.''Other tips:• ``The mother must advocate for her son,'' says Linda Lisowski of ElizabethCity, N.C., a former foster mother and an associate professor of specialeducation. ``If he has academic problems, he is eligible for special educationservices as a child with an emotional disorder.'' An Individualized EducationProgram needs to be developed with the mother.• Find a support group with other adoptive parents.

Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who have
been there, done that, and survived.

• The Association for Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children(ATTACh), based in Columbia, S.C., is an international coalition of parents,professionals and others working to increase awareness about attachmentissues.Call 866-453-8224 for more information. The Web site is www.attach.org.• A 20-year-old Virginia Beach, Va., reader, and his adoptive mother offerseasoned advice: He says lack of attention and care in his first year offoster care was distressing. ``People like us naturally have a tendency todistrust others. Even though I don't fully trust my parents, I love them very
much.''
His mother's view: ``Our son doesn't trust so he hasn't ever been honest withthe doctors, and he's always been diagnosed with less serious problems. Ourson has been a difficult person to enjoy, but now that he's grown I wouldrecommend to the next parent -- don't take things away to make them do whatyou want.

Sage advice. Giving consequences for poor behaviors doesn't work with
attachment disordered children. It simply reinforces their disorder.

Help them learn, whether it's to put one problem on a page or to assist themin cleanup as a young child. The most needy or worst-behaved child needs to beloved the most and in a constant way.''• Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachmenttherapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guideto Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families byDesign, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. Formore information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com.

Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There are
specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in the
face of conventional parenting.

Dad

Julia
05-25-2004, 04:37 PM
On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, adoptadad@aol.com (AdoptaDad) wrote:

Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, loveFrom: lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn)Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight TimeMessage-id: <20040525121903.17730.00002088@mb-m16.aol.com>http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/living/8753278.htm?1cSome adoptees struggle to trust, loveBy Betsy FlaglerUnited Feature SyndicateQ: Our adopted 10-year-old son has a severe attachment disorderbecause of what he missed out on in his early years in an orphanagein Russia. Our neighbors and his teachers don't understand that whatworks for other kids doesn't apply to him. -- Mother in Charlotte, N.C.A: In the lives of kids who struggle to love, the lack of understanding stemsfrom not seeing or hearing both sides of the story, parents and experts say.One mother says of the Russian boy she adopted at age 4: ``He told histeachers I wouldn't help him with his homework. He left out the part abouthow he was stabbing holes in the wall with pencils so I had to take themaway.'' We took the door off our daughter's bedroom because of her repeatedself-destructive behavior after bedtime. She's told several classmates thather parents don't give her any privacy.
Neighbors worried about another boy who had only a mattress on the floor.What they didn't know: He chipped away the wood of the headboard to use asweapons. I used to supervise my daughter's bathtime after she (twice) flooded theupstairs bathroom floor to such an extent that hundreds of gallons seepedthrough the floor into the kitchen downstairs. Now my wife supervises her bathtime because she's of an age where it'sinappropriate for fathers to be present.
Lark Eshleman, Ph.D., author of the new book Becoming a Family: PromotingHealthy Attachments with Your Adopted Child (Taylor Publishing Company,2004), says adoptive mothers particularly tend to take the brunt of thedisturbed
child's aggression, disrespect and emotional outbursts. So true. As much as I complain, it is my wife who takes the brunt of of heranger and aggression.
The missing piece for kids with an inability to form relationships is a lackof conscience, Eshleman says. Or the absolute inability to feel empathy. Or remorse. Or shame, whenappropriate.
Babies are born with a need to attach. Every time a baby cries and a caregiveranswers, trust builds. If nobody answers repeatedly, the cycle of trust isbroken.
Normal parenting doesn't work for the child who doesn't trust and acceptlimits. "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are oftenbrought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.
``Few people will ever really understand what she and her husband are goingthrough,'' says Brad Andrews of Garland, Texas. ``They usually end up blamingthe parents for things that are out of their control.'' Don't I know it.

Please count me among those few people who do understand, Dad.

The Andrews adopted four siblings 10 years ago. The older two, ages 5 and 7when adopted, have faced severe attachment issues. Last year, while thecouple focused on their 17-year-old daughter, their son, 14, ran away, madethreats, and had to be placed in a long-term care facility, the father says.``Looking back, I can see he had all the signs of attachment disorder, butsince he was more sociable, we didn't realize how deep his issues reallywere,'' he says.A mother who adopted a toddler in California has a common complaint amongparents: Her daughter appeared charming and manipulated her teachers. ``Itold the teachers to tell her the rule, but not give her 10 chances. Theschools
failed me.'' Fortunately, my wife is on the faculty of the school where my daughterattends.
Maggie Macaulay, an adult adoptee and parent educator in Broward County,Fla., suggests parents of kids with attachment problems remember that otherslack
experience with the disorder and need to be educated in positive ways.``Enroll folks in your mission to teach your child that people, especiallyMom and Dad, are reliable, that it is OK to love deeply, that his family isforever, and that he is loveable,'' Macaulay says. ``Have meetings throughoutthe school year with teachers. Let new teachers know how they can help.''Other tips: ``The mother must advocate for her son,'' says Linda Lisowski of ElizabethCity, N.C., a former foster mother and an associate professor of specialeducation. ``If he has academic problems, he is eligible for special educationservices as a child with an emotional disorder.'' An Individualized EducationProgram needs to be developed with the mother. Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who havebeen there, done that, and survived.
The Association for Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children(ATTACh), based in Columbia, S.C., is an international coalition of parents,professionals and others working to increase awareness about attachmentissues.Call 866-453-8224 for more information. The Web site is www.attach.org. A 20-year-old Virginia Beach, Va., reader, and his adoptive mother offerseasoned advice: He says lack of attention and care in his first year offoster care was distressing. ``People like us naturally have a tendency todistrust others. Even though I don't fully trust my parents, I love them verymuch.''
His mother's view: ``Our son doesn't trust so he hasn't ever been honest withthe doctors, and he's always been diagnosed with less serious problems. Ourson has been a difficult person to enjoy, but now that he's grown I wouldrecommend to the next parent -- don't take things away to make them do whatyou want. Sage advice. Giving consequences for poor behaviors doesn't work withattachment disordered children. It simply reinforces their disorder.
Help them learn, whether it's to put one problem on a page or to assist themin cleanup as a young child. The most needy or worst-behaved child needs to beloved the most and in a constant way.'' Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachmenttherapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guideto Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families byDesign, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. Formore information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There arespecific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in theface of conventional parenting.Dad

Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has
some unconventional advice that I found refreshing.

Julia

Julia
05-25-2004, 04:37 PM
On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, adoptadad@aol.com (AdoptaDad) wrote:

Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, loveFrom: lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn)Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight TimeMessage-id: <20040525121903.17730.00002088@mb-m16.aol.com>http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/living/8753278.htm?1cSome adoptees struggle to trust, loveBy Betsy FlaglerUnited Feature SyndicateQ: Our adopted 10-year-old son has a severe attachment disorderbecause of what he missed out on in his early years in an orphanagein Russia. Our neighbors and his teachers don't understand that whatworks for other kids doesn't apply to him. -- Mother in Charlotte, N.C.A: In the lives of kids who struggle to love, the lack of understanding stemsfrom not seeing or hearing both sides of the story, parents and experts say.One mother says of the Russian boy she adopted at age 4: ``He told histeachers I wouldn't help him with his homework. He left out the part abouthow he was stabbing holes in the wall with pencils so I had to take themaway.'' We took the door off our daughter's bedroom because of her repeatedself-destructive behavior after bedtime. She's told several classmates thather parents don't give her any privacy.
Neighbors worried about another boy who had only a mattress on the floor.What they didn't know: He chipped away the wood of the headboard to use asweapons. I used to supervise my daughter's bathtime after she (twice) flooded theupstairs bathroom floor to such an extent that hundreds of gallons seepedthrough the floor into the kitchen downstairs. Now my wife supervises her bathtime because she's of an age where it'sinappropriate for fathers to be present.
Lark Eshleman, Ph.D., author of the new book Becoming a Family: PromotingHealthy Attachments with Your Adopted Child (Taylor Publishing Company,2004), says adoptive mothers particularly tend to take the brunt of thedisturbed
child's aggression, disrespect and emotional outbursts. So true. As much as I complain, it is my wife who takes the brunt of of heranger and aggression.
The missing piece for kids with an inability to form relationships is a lackof conscience, Eshleman says. Or the absolute inability to feel empathy. Or remorse. Or shame, whenappropriate.
Babies are born with a need to attach. Every time a baby cries and a caregiveranswers, trust builds. If nobody answers repeatedly, the cycle of trust isbroken.
Normal parenting doesn't work for the child who doesn't trust and acceptlimits. "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are oftenbrought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.
``Few people will ever really understand what she and her husband are goingthrough,'' says Brad Andrews of Garland, Texas. ``They usually end up blamingthe parents for things that are out of their control.'' Don't I know it.

Please count me among those few people who do understand, Dad.

The Andrews adopted four siblings 10 years ago. The older two, ages 5 and 7when adopted, have faced severe attachment issues. Last year, while thecouple focused on their 17-year-old daughter, their son, 14, ran away, madethreats, and had to be placed in a long-term care facility, the father says.``Looking back, I can see he had all the signs of attachment disorder, butsince he was more sociable, we didn't realize how deep his issues reallywere,'' he says.A mother who adopted a toddler in California has a common complaint amongparents: Her daughter appeared charming and manipulated her teachers. ``Itold the teachers to tell her the rule, but not give her 10 chances. Theschools
failed me.'' Fortunately, my wife is on the faculty of the school where my daughterattends.
Maggie Macaulay, an adult adoptee and parent educator in Broward County,Fla., suggests parents of kids with attachment problems remember that otherslack
experience with the disorder and need to be educated in positive ways.``Enroll folks in your mission to teach your child that people, especiallyMom and Dad, are reliable, that it is OK to love deeply, that his family isforever, and that he is loveable,'' Macaulay says. ``Have meetings throughoutthe school year with teachers. Let new teachers know how they can help.''Other tips: ``The mother must advocate for her son,'' says Linda Lisowski of ElizabethCity, N.C., a former foster mother and an associate professor of specialeducation. ``If he has academic problems, he is eligible for special educationservices as a child with an emotional disorder.'' An Individualized EducationProgram needs to be developed with the mother. Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who havebeen there, done that, and survived.
The Association for Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children(ATTACh), based in Columbia, S.C., is an international coalition of parents,professionals and others working to increase awareness about attachmentissues.Call 866-453-8224 for more information. The Web site is www.attach.org. A 20-year-old Virginia Beach, Va., reader, and his adoptive mother offerseasoned advice: He says lack of attention and care in his first year offoster care was distressing. ``People like us naturally have a tendency todistrust others. Even though I don't fully trust my parents, I love them verymuch.''
His mother's view: ``Our son doesn't trust so he hasn't ever been honest withthe doctors, and he's always been diagnosed with less serious problems. Ourson has been a difficult person to enjoy, but now that he's grown I wouldrecommend to the next parent -- don't take things away to make them do whatyou want. Sage advice. Giving consequences for poor behaviors doesn't work withattachment disordered children. It simply reinforces their disorder.
Help them learn, whether it's to put one problem on a page or to assist themin cleanup as a young child. The most needy or worst-behaved child needs to beloved the most and in a constant way.'' Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachmenttherapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guideto Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families byDesign, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. Formore information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There arespecific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in theface of conventional parenting.Dad

Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has
some unconventional advice that I found refreshing.

Julia

dnh
05-26-2004, 06:15 AM
"Julia" <jurol@nospam.hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:0hi7b09i6067b9d47ev5hnqs7jtuofgh1a@4ax.com...
On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, adoptadad@aol.com (AdoptaDad) wrote:
Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, loveFrom: lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn)Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight TimeMessage-id: <20040525121903.17730.00002088@mb-m16.aol.com>

<snip>

"Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are
often
brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.

I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep
telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth
children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be
somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting
strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will
have to work differently.

<snip>

. Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who
have
been there, done that, and survived.

Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your
child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as
passing on thise that have worked for you.

<snip>

. Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachmenttherapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A
Guide
to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families
by
Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom.
For
more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There
are
specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in
the
face of conventional parenting.Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia

The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb.

A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment:
Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental
Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster
and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now,
absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with
attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive
parent.

Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on
amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents.

I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage)
but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just
wanted to pass on what has been useful for us

nigel
--
-----
to reply, remove cavemen from below:
fred.nillspam.barney@yahoo.com

dnh
05-26-2004, 06:15 AM
"Julia" <jurol@nospam.hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:0hi7b09i6067b9d47ev5hnqs7jtuofgh1a@4ax.com...
On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, adoptadad@aol.com (AdoptaDad) wrote:
Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, loveFrom: lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn)Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight TimeMessage-id: <20040525121903.17730.00002088@mb-m16.aol.com>

<snip>

"Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are
often
brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.

I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep
telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth
children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be
somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting
strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will
have to work differently.

<snip>

. Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who
have
been there, done that, and survived.

Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your
child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as
passing on thise that have worked for you.

<snip>

. Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachmenttherapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A
Guide
to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families
by
Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom.
For
more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There
are
specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in
the
face of conventional parenting.Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia

The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb.

A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment:
Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental
Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster
and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now,
absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with
attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive
parent.

Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on
amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents.

I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage)
but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just
wanted to pass on what has been useful for us

nigel
--
-----
to reply, remove cavemen from below:
fred.nillspam.barney@yahoo.com

Robin
05-26-2004, 06:23 AM
in article 40b427fe@cpns1.saic.com, dnh at nogood@using.this.addr.com wrote
on 26/5/04 1:15 pm:

"Julia" <jurol@nospam.hotmail.com> wrote in message news:0hi7b09i6067b9d47ev5hnqs7jtuofgh1a@4ax.com...
On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, adoptadad@aol.com (AdoptaDad) wrote:
> Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love> From: lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn)> Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time> Message-id: <20040525121903.17730.00002088@mb-m16.aol.com>> <snip>
"Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are often
brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments. I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will have to work differently. <snip>
>> . Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who have
been there, done that, and survived. Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as passing on thise that have worked for you. <snip>
>> . Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment> therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guide
> to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families by
> Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. For
> more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There are
specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in the
face of conventional parenting. Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb. A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now, absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive parent. Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents. I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage) but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just wanted to pass on what has been useful for us nigel


I rather think you might need to explain to people here, what an Adoption
Panel is. I rather suspect it is unheard of in the US much to the detriment
of many a child who finds himself in the care of clueless parents.

Robin

Robin
05-26-2004, 06:23 AM
in article 40b427fe@cpns1.saic.com, dnh at nogood@using.this.addr.com wrote
on 26/5/04 1:15 pm:

"Julia" <jurol@nospam.hotmail.com> wrote in message news:0hi7b09i6067b9d47ev5hnqs7jtuofgh1a@4ax.com...
On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, adoptadad@aol.com (AdoptaDad) wrote:
> Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love> From: lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn)> Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time> Message-id: <20040525121903.17730.00002088@mb-m16.aol.com>> <snip>
"Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are often
brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments. I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will have to work differently. <snip>
>> . Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who have
been there, done that, and survived. Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as passing on thise that have worked for you. <snip>
>> . Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment> therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guide
> to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families by
> Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. For
> more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There are
specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in the
face of conventional parenting. Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb. A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now, absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive parent. Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents. I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage) but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just wanted to pass on what has been useful for us nigel


I rather think you might need to explain to people here, what an Adoption
Panel is. I rather suspect it is unheard of in the US much to the detriment
of many a child who finds himself in the care of clueless parents.

Robin

helicon
05-28-2004, 10:24 AM
"dnh" <nogood@using.this.addr.com> wrote in message news:<40b427fe@cpns1.saic.com>...
"Julia" <jurol@nospam.hotmail.com> wrote in message news:0hi7b09i6067b9d47ev5hnqs7jtuofgh1a@4ax.com...
On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, adoptadad@aol.com (AdoptaDad) wrote:
>Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love>From: lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn)>Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time>Message-id: <20040525121903.17730.00002088@mb-m16.aol.com>> <snip>
"Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are often
brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments. I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will have to work differently. <snip>
>>. Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who have
been there, done that, and survived. Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as passing on thise that have worked for you. <snip>
>>. Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment>therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guide
>to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families by
>Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. For
>more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There are
specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in the
face of conventional parenting.Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb.

I agree.

A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now, absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive parent.

I agree - although I suggest that *every* adoptive parent should read
them EARLY - not waiting until problems are obvious.

Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents.

I have two of her books, and would highly recommend them: "First steps
in parenting the child who hurts - tiddlers and toddlers" and "Next
steps in parenting the child who hurts - tykes and teens".

I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage) but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just wanted to pass on what has been useful for us

I have often recommended to social workers working in adoption and
fostercare here in Ireland, and to anyone even thinking of adoption,
that they should join Adoption UK. It is a *wonderful* resource.

www.adoptionuk.org

Helen

nigel

helicon
05-28-2004, 10:24 AM
"dnh" <nogood@using.this.addr.com> wrote in message news:<40b427fe@cpns1.saic.com>...
"Julia" <jurol@nospam.hotmail.com> wrote in message news:0hi7b09i6067b9d47ev5hnqs7jtuofgh1a@4ax.com...
On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, adoptadad@aol.com (AdoptaDad) wrote:
>Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love>From: lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn)>Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time>Message-id: <20040525121903.17730.00002088@mb-m16.aol.com>> <snip>
"Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are often
brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments. I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will have to work differently. <snip>
>>. Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who have
been there, done that, and survived. Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as passing on thise that have worked for you. <snip>
>>. Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment>therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guide
>to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families by
>Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. For
>more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There are
specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in the
face of conventional parenting.Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb.

I agree.

A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now, absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive parent.

I agree - although I suggest that *every* adoptive parent should read
them EARLY - not waiting until problems are obvious.

Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents.

I have two of her books, and would highly recommend them: "First steps
in parenting the child who hurts - tiddlers and toddlers" and "Next
steps in parenting the child who hurts - tykes and teens".

I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage) but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just wanted to pass on what has been useful for us

I have often recommended to social workers working in adoption and
fostercare here in Ireland, and to anyone even thinking of adoption,
that they should join Adoption UK. It is a *wonderful* resource.

www.adoptionuk.org

Helen

nigel

Julia
05-28-2004, 06:05 PM
On 28 May 2004 09:24:54 -0700, helicon@eircom.net (helicon) wrote:

"dnh" <nogood@using.this.addr.com> wrote in message news:<40b427fe@cpns1.saic.com>...
"Julia" <jurol@nospam.hotmail.com> wrote in message news:0hi7b09i6067b9d47ev5hnqs7jtuofgh1a@4ax.com...
On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, adoptadad@aol.com (AdoptaDad) wrote: >>Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love >>From: lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn) >>Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time >>Message-id: <20040525121903.17730.00002088@mb-m16.aol.com> >> <snip>
> > "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are often
>brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments. > I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will have to work differently. <snip>
>> >>. Find a support group with other adoptive parents. > > Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who have
>been there, done that, and survived. Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as passing on thise that have worked for you. <snip>
>> >>. Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment >>therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guide
>>to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families by
>>Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. For
>>more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. > > Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There are
>specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in the
>face of conventional parenting. > >Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb.I agree.
A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now, absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive parent.I agree - although I suggest that *every* adoptive parent should readthem EARLY - not waiting until problems are obvious.
Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents.I have two of her books, and would highly recommend them: "First stepsin parenting the child who hurts - tiddlers and toddlers" and "Nextsteps in parenting the child who hurts - tykes and teens".
I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage) but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just wanted to pass on what has been useful for usI have often recommended to social workers working in adoption andfostercare here in Ireland, and to anyone even thinking of adoption,that they should join Adoption UK. It is a *wonderful* resource.www.adoptionuk.orgHelen

Adoption UK was formerly known as PPIAS, wasn't it? We exchanged our
association's journal "Adoption Australia" with them for many years
and were thrilled several years ago when we read they had decided to
follow the example of our group and change their name to "Adoption
UK". They've always had excellent articles. The one thing I miss
after ending my 17 years on our committee was that I no longer read
all the good journals.

Julia

nigel

Julia
05-28-2004, 06:05 PM
On 28 May 2004 09:24:54 -0700, helicon@eircom.net (helicon) wrote:

"dnh" <nogood@using.this.addr.com> wrote in message news:<40b427fe@cpns1.saic.com>...
"Julia" <jurol@nospam.hotmail.com> wrote in message news:0hi7b09i6067b9d47ev5hnqs7jtuofgh1a@4ax.com...
On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, adoptadad@aol.com (AdoptaDad) wrote: >>Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love >>From: lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn) >>Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time >>Message-id: <20040525121903.17730.00002088@mb-m16.aol.com> >> <snip>
> > "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are often
>brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments. > I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will have to work differently. <snip>
>> >>. Find a support group with other adoptive parents. > > Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who have
>been there, done that, and survived. Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as passing on thise that have worked for you. <snip>
>> >>. Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment >>therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guide
>>to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families by
>>Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. For
>>more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. > > Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There are
>specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in the
>face of conventional parenting. > >Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb.I agree.
A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now, absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive parent.I agree - although I suggest that *every* adoptive parent should readthem EARLY - not waiting until problems are obvious.
Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents.I have two of her books, and would highly recommend them: "First stepsin parenting the child who hurts - tiddlers and toddlers" and "Nextsteps in parenting the child who hurts - tykes and teens".
I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage) but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just wanted to pass on what has been useful for usI have often recommended to social workers working in adoption andfostercare here in Ireland, and to anyone even thinking of adoption,that they should join Adoption UK. It is a *wonderful* resource.www.adoptionuk.orgHelen

Adoption UK was formerly known as PPIAS, wasn't it? We exchanged our
association's journal "Adoption Australia" with them for many years
and were thrilled several years ago when we read they had decided to
follow the example of our group and change their name to "Adoption
UK". They've always had excellent articles. The one thing I miss
after ending my 17 years on our committee was that I no longer read
all the good journals.

Julia

nigel

Damsel Plum
06-04-2004, 02:44 PM
Sorry if this is twittering up the wrong tree, but that isn't Nigel HARVEY, is it?

Damsel PLUM
Struggling to truss, lunge

"dnh" <nogood@using.this.addr.com> wrote in message
How does that sound, have I covered it. nigel

Damsel Plum
06-04-2004, 02:44 PM
Sorry if this is twittering up the wrong tree, but that isn't Nigel HARVEY, is it?

Damsel PLUM
Struggling to truss, lunge

"dnh" <nogood@using.this.addr.com> wrote in message
How does that sound, have I covered it. nigel

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