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04-18-2004, 04:50 AM
http://www.koreaherald.co.kr/SITE/data/html_dir/2004/04/19/200404190009.asp
More Koreans adopt children openly at home
A larger number of parents do not hide adoptions despite lingering prejudice
By Jin Hyun-joo
There once lived a happily married couple in Korea. One day, the wife said that
she had become pregnant and took maternity leave. After a few months, people
noticed the couple was carrying an adorable baby.
But when the baby was school age, he looked different from his parents.
Neighbors started to speculate that the child was not the couple's real child,
saying they had never seen her big with child. The gossip reached the
15-year-old boy when he was going through puberty and the parents ended up
confessing that he was an adoptee.
This was a classic story of adoption in Korea in the past, but according to Han
Yeon-hee, president of the Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea, most Korean
parents still hide adoptions. Confidential adoptions are traditionally offered
to Korean couples in a society which places great stress on the importance of
family blood lines. For the last four years, however, some courageous parents
have become more open about their adoptions.
In Korea, where most people practice "closed" adoption, "open" adoption means
something different from in western countries. In Korea it means just telling
the adoptee, and people they know, about the adoption.
"Parents do not have to tell everyone, but they do not have to hide it when
people bring up the issue," said Han. In western countries, however, open
adoption means that birth families and adoptive families have personal contacts
with each other.
The rate of open adoption was below 5 percent even four years ago, but has
increased in recent years. It is still low at around 20 percent, but in
adoption agencies that encourage open adoption, the rate can reach up to 50
percent. However, the statistics can vary because some parents are likely to
change their mind later.
More adoptive parents are tending to tell their children where they came from
for the sake of their mental development.
"The adoptees are likely to be traumatized when they hear from 'others' that
they were adopted. They feel betrayed by their parents whom they believed,"
said Prof. Bae Tai-soon, who wrote one of the few books on adoption in Korea
called "Understanding and Success of Adoption in Modern Society." "The
development of their identity would be hindered by the experience," she added.
Although parents may try to hide the true fact of a child's birth, this is
almost impossible to do, and open adoption proponents say that children have a
right to know their origin. It might be hard to accept that they were severed
from their biological bonds, but "children have a right to know their roots,"
said Han.
Many case studies show that children who are told they were adopted are more
likely to be able to adapt socially. "Most experts agree that telling the truth
about their birth at an early stage would be good for the peace of mind of the
children," stated Choi Young, a former child psychiatrist for Chonnam National
University Hospital in Gwangju, on his webpage.
Jung Mi-sook, a 34-year-old adoptive mother, is overcoming the difficulty of
being open about adoption by making sure that her daughter Seo-hyun is not an
"unwanted child." Jung adopted Seo-hyun and told her about her birth when she
was 8. After the confession, Seo-hyun, who used to concentrate on studying
seemed to be distracted and was reluctant to go for private tutoring or to
socialize.
One day, in a big fight with her daughter, Jung said, "If you want to meet your
birth mother, you should be a good child. If not, I do not think your birth mum
would like you." She did not want her daughter to be discouraged, but to be
encouraged by her origins. After the incident, Seo-hyun resumed her usual life
and seemed to be more relieved to meet other adoptees in an adoptee's summer
camp.
Although accepting the positive effects of openness, parents still hesitate
about it because of social pressure. Some Korean people hold a biased view
toward adoption, thinking that adoptive parents might not treat adopted
children as well as their own.
An adoptive mother interviewed for this story, who spoke on condition of
anonymity, has two adopted sons. When she attended her son's graduation in
elementary school, she could not find him and they ended up being separated for
a couple of hours. Later, another mother who had seen her son alone thought
that the mother was not there. "She told me that she thought it was because I
was an adoptive mum."
Adoptees can also be victims of social pressure. This mother found out that her
son had tried to hide the fact that he was an adoptee from his best friend. "I
heard he made up stories on his birth. Although I went with open adoption, I
felt that the adoption should not be too overt, considering my son's feelings,"
she said.
Despite some social prejudice, even parents who have their own babies are
embracing more adoptees. Han, president of the Mission to Promote Adoption in
Korea, has adopted five children herself although she already had one baby of
her own. She became sterilized so as not to bear any more children after her
first was born. Initially she wanted to adopt just one, but ended up having
five because "they brought real love to our family."
She added, "Adoption is not only a personal issue but also a social one, so
society members ought to feel some kind of responsibility for it. They should
not leave sterile couples to take over the problem."
Choi Hyo-seon, who lives near Han, adopted a three-year-old son after she had
two daughters. Before she moved to Han's neighborhood, she was just a mother of
two children, which is just over the average number of children per couple in
Korea.
But she decided to adopt after she was involved in volunteer work for the
Mission. "I felt an adoptee is no different from my children. Plus, my first
child strongly recommended me to adopt one," said Choi.
To encourage more adoption, the government came up with a foster home program
in 2000 where orphans can be raised temporarily at home instead of in an
orphanage. "Once foster parents raise a child, there is more chance that they
actually adopt the child," said Prof. Bae.
In 2003, according to the Ministry of Health and Welfare, 23.4 percent of
orphans were raised in foster families, equaling the number of adoptees.
With more open adoption, Han expects a social sea change to remove much of the
stigma of adoption. Adoptee Seo-hyun said, "I'd like to move people's minds, if
they find it difficult to have their own children, to make them adopt a child
instead of trying to conceive one."
-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown
More Koreans adopt children openly at home
A larger number of parents do not hide adoptions despite lingering prejudice
By Jin Hyun-joo
There once lived a happily married couple in Korea. One day, the wife said that
she had become pregnant and took maternity leave. After a few months, people
noticed the couple was carrying an adorable baby.
But when the baby was school age, he looked different from his parents.
Neighbors started to speculate that the child was not the couple's real child,
saying they had never seen her big with child. The gossip reached the
15-year-old boy when he was going through puberty and the parents ended up
confessing that he was an adoptee.
This was a classic story of adoption in Korea in the past, but according to Han
Yeon-hee, president of the Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea, most Korean
parents still hide adoptions. Confidential adoptions are traditionally offered
to Korean couples in a society which places great stress on the importance of
family blood lines. For the last four years, however, some courageous parents
have become more open about their adoptions.
In Korea, where most people practice "closed" adoption, "open" adoption means
something different from in western countries. In Korea it means just telling
the adoptee, and people they know, about the adoption.
"Parents do not have to tell everyone, but they do not have to hide it when
people bring up the issue," said Han. In western countries, however, open
adoption means that birth families and adoptive families have personal contacts
with each other.
The rate of open adoption was below 5 percent even four years ago, but has
increased in recent years. It is still low at around 20 percent, but in
adoption agencies that encourage open adoption, the rate can reach up to 50
percent. However, the statistics can vary because some parents are likely to
change their mind later.
More adoptive parents are tending to tell their children where they came from
for the sake of their mental development.
"The adoptees are likely to be traumatized when they hear from 'others' that
they were adopted. They feel betrayed by their parents whom they believed,"
said Prof. Bae Tai-soon, who wrote one of the few books on adoption in Korea
called "Understanding and Success of Adoption in Modern Society." "The
development of their identity would be hindered by the experience," she added.
Although parents may try to hide the true fact of a child's birth, this is
almost impossible to do, and open adoption proponents say that children have a
right to know their origin. It might be hard to accept that they were severed
from their biological bonds, but "children have a right to know their roots,"
said Han.
Many case studies show that children who are told they were adopted are more
likely to be able to adapt socially. "Most experts agree that telling the truth
about their birth at an early stage would be good for the peace of mind of the
children," stated Choi Young, a former child psychiatrist for Chonnam National
University Hospital in Gwangju, on his webpage.
Jung Mi-sook, a 34-year-old adoptive mother, is overcoming the difficulty of
being open about adoption by making sure that her daughter Seo-hyun is not an
"unwanted child." Jung adopted Seo-hyun and told her about her birth when she
was 8. After the confession, Seo-hyun, who used to concentrate on studying
seemed to be distracted and was reluctant to go for private tutoring or to
socialize.
One day, in a big fight with her daughter, Jung said, "If you want to meet your
birth mother, you should be a good child. If not, I do not think your birth mum
would like you." She did not want her daughter to be discouraged, but to be
encouraged by her origins. After the incident, Seo-hyun resumed her usual life
and seemed to be more relieved to meet other adoptees in an adoptee's summer
camp.
Although accepting the positive effects of openness, parents still hesitate
about it because of social pressure. Some Korean people hold a biased view
toward adoption, thinking that adoptive parents might not treat adopted
children as well as their own.
An adoptive mother interviewed for this story, who spoke on condition of
anonymity, has two adopted sons. When she attended her son's graduation in
elementary school, she could not find him and they ended up being separated for
a couple of hours. Later, another mother who had seen her son alone thought
that the mother was not there. "She told me that she thought it was because I
was an adoptive mum."
Adoptees can also be victims of social pressure. This mother found out that her
son had tried to hide the fact that he was an adoptee from his best friend. "I
heard he made up stories on his birth. Although I went with open adoption, I
felt that the adoption should not be too overt, considering my son's feelings,"
she said.
Despite some social prejudice, even parents who have their own babies are
embracing more adoptees. Han, president of the Mission to Promote Adoption in
Korea, has adopted five children herself although she already had one baby of
her own. She became sterilized so as not to bear any more children after her
first was born. Initially she wanted to adopt just one, but ended up having
five because "they brought real love to our family."
She added, "Adoption is not only a personal issue but also a social one, so
society members ought to feel some kind of responsibility for it. They should
not leave sterile couples to take over the problem."
Choi Hyo-seon, who lives near Han, adopted a three-year-old son after she had
two daughters. Before she moved to Han's neighborhood, she was just a mother of
two children, which is just over the average number of children per couple in
Korea.
But she decided to adopt after she was involved in volunteer work for the
Mission. "I felt an adoptee is no different from my children. Plus, my first
child strongly recommended me to adopt one," said Choi.
To encourage more adoption, the government came up with a foster home program
in 2000 where orphans can be raised temporarily at home instead of in an
orphanage. "Once foster parents raise a child, there is more chance that they
actually adopt the child," said Prof. Bae.
In 2003, according to the Ministry of Health and Welfare, 23.4 percent of
orphans were raised in foster families, equaling the number of adoptees.
With more open adoption, Han expects a social sea change to remove much of the
stigma of adoption. Adoptee Seo-hyun said, "I'd like to move people's minds, if
they find it difficult to have their own children, to make them adopt a child
instead of trying to conceive one."
-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown
