Steve White <steve@spam.me.never> wrote Is there any corroboration that any of this is true? What I did find was a reference to a post at adoption.com, in their forums, at this URL: http://forums.adoption.com/t87589.html This is a message, at the bottom, from a "Cindy Jordan", member since October, 2002, with 131 posts at the time this was posted, at 12-01-2002, 10:49 PM. Take a look. Again, I got this by Googling the name, so it isn't like it's private information -- it's on the net. I have, however, x'd out the name of the child.

This one goes a bit more into the emotions of it that may help to
understand where she was coming from. It also suggests that she
requested the videos after relinquishing the baby.

http://forums.adoption.com/t85264.html

WOW ........ I am not so sure I want to write about that first night
.... but I will attempt to tell you about the day I came home without
xxxxx ... It was April 21 a Saturday ... this was especially hard
because it was my son B's 14th birthday as well as the day we "lost"
xxxxx .... We all were at the hospital ... MY Mom my son B, Scott
xxxxx's birthdad .. Patty the attorney's assistant from Hawaii My
friend Debbie her kids Dxxxx and Cxxx My sister in law Heather and her
kids Pxxx and Pxxx ....... so needless to say the room was full
......... I carried her with me out of the hospital .. and you should
have seen the flowers the gifts .... The balloons ....... It looked
like a Great Party had just occurred and to tell you the truth it had.
xxxxxx was a miracle born at the worst time in my life ... I was
amazed at how beautiful she was ... but I was also thankful for Sue
and Scott because I knew at 36 and just leaving a violent domestic
situation I was in no position to raise her alone. Any way after
taking lots more pictures ... I placed xxxxxx in her car seat and said
Goodbye I left with my friend Debbie ... we stopped off to fill all
the prescriptions ... and I must confess I was wishing I had a lot
more and lot stronger ones to help me feel NUMB .. anyway I arrived
home with flowers and gifts .. but no baby ... after Debbie left I was
in a dark apartment all alone ... I arranged for B to stay with Debbie
for 2 weeks so I would not expose him to the grief I knew would be
forthcoming ....... and I just walking in circles for what seemed like
hours ....... and I laid on the floor in my living room face down on
an ottoman and the sounds that came out of me ... I swear they did not
seem human ......... they were animalistic ..... I have never before
or since then felt such pain ....... It was like I could not breathe
.... and I was not sure if I even wanted too ..... I felt so lost and I
felt as if I had done the most horrendous as well as the most
wonderful thing all at the same time. One thing I did know was I
missed My xxxxx it was then that I remembered all the videos I had of
Bxxxxx and Blxxx growing up and realized I wanted to have them of
xxxxx too ... that way no matter when I missed her in the future I
could play a tape and "see" her ........ so I called Scott at the
hotel and made that request. After calling my attorney and letting her
know how important that was to me ... He said sure ... so I hung up
and looked around and knew I had to do something to work through this
grief ..... So I began to decorate MY BATHROOM ....... You may be
wondering why I choose such a room .. Well three nights before that
was where I last laid in my apartment with xxxxx ..... My placenta had
ruptured and I began hemorrhaging ....... I did not know at the time
but I was in active labor ........ I laid alone on that bathroom floor
for over 4 hours ... but she was with me ..... kickboxing all the way
......... anyway I set out decorating and began unpacking so many
treasures I had yet to unpack ... I was 6 months pregnant when I moved
into that apartment. I got out a hammer and lots of nails. I nailed to
the wall baskets filled with flowers ... teddy bears peeking out of
baskets pictures of Brxxx and Blxxx ... and pictures of Malia ... I
had Inspirational verses I had framed ... pretty soaps and smell good
potpourri. I had so many pretty things in there and after about 5
hours of nailing I just sat back and stared ... It was beautiful and I
was tired ..... so I called Scott at the hotel to see how they were
doing .. They were fine. xxxxx was asleep ... and Scott was headed
that way soon ... I kneeled at the side of my bed and began to pray I
asked God to take care of xxxxx ... to always let her know how much I
loved her to give her a sense of "belonging" and I asked God to please
take away my pain .. I prayed for Brxxxx to not have ill effects from
this loss and I Literally prayed over and over and over praying
through my tears for hours until I fell asleep right there at the side
of my bed ....... was I alone when I came home from the hospital yes
.......... I thought I was ....... but that night I found out I was
mistaken ....... God was with me that day He had always been with me
and it took coming alone without xxxxx to see that. That was My Day
One ........


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MAKE IT A GREAT DAY . CINDY