http://politics.guardian.co.uk/homeaffairs/story/0,11026,1188918,00.html

Trauma began 44 years ago

Paul Traynor
Friday April 9, 2004
The Guardian

When June gave birth in 1959, she was left with little choice but to put her
baby up for adoption. "Only one of you is coming home," her father told her at
the hospital. The ordeal has dominated her life since.

More than four decades later, she has still been unable to trace her son, who
is now 44. She began the search for him eight years ago by registering with
West Midlands Post Adoption Services, one of several intermediary services
established to help people like June find blood relatives. "I received a form
to fill in with all the details I knew, but it took three years before I had
the strength to post it off."

That was five years ago, but her search is still no further forward. "I was so
traumatised at the time of the birth that I can't remember what the adoption
agency I used was called," said June, who asked that her real name not be used.


Lacking such crucial information, her file remains empty, except for a pile of
letters to agencies, appealing for any details.

She believes that the new rules may now help her to make some progress. "I hope
that once this bill goes through it will make it easier for me to find my son."



-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown

LilMtnCbn wrote:
http://politics.guardian.co.uk/homeaffairs/story/0,11026,1188918,00.html Trauma began 44 years ago Paul Traynor Friday April 9, 2004 The Guardian When June gave birth in 1959, she was left with little choice but to put her baby up for adoption. "Only one of you is coming home," her father told her at the hospital. The ordeal has dominated her life since. More than four decades later, she has still been unable to trace her son, who is now 44. She began the search for him eight years ago by registering with West Midlands Post Adoption Services, one of several intermediary services established to help people like June find blood relatives. "I received a form to fill in with all the details I knew, but it took three years before I had the strength to post it off." That was five years ago, but her search is still no further forward. "I was so traumatised at the time of the birth that I can't remember what the adoption agency I used was called," said June, who asked that her real name not be used. Lacking such crucial information, her file remains empty, except for a pile of letters to agencies, appealing for any details. She believes that the new rules may now help her to make some progress. "I hope that once this bill goes through it will make it easier for me to find my son."


It's been roughly 24 years since I watched a PBS program (locally
produced and aired in L.A.) which featured a searching birth mom
who insisted that she couldn't recall her daughter's DOB, or much
else surrounding her pregnancy and relinquishment. I stared at the
TV in total disbelief! Here was I, a birth mom from around the same
era who remembered e v e r y s i n g l e d e t a i l of --
well, you know how it began...and then the pregnancy, incarceration,
labor and delivery, the five days post-partum in the hospital...and
the day I had to leave that wretched place *and* my daughter behind
as I was driven home..."back to that life I would simply pick up
where I left off and no one would be the wiser..." Yeah, sure. What
genius and his handler decided that mothers would just go on as though
nothing had happened? As this article plainly shows, forgetting the
DETAILS surely doesn't mean you've forgotten a damn thing.

The night I saw that program my eyes were opened wide to the world
of mothers who truly couldn't recall the painful details...and my
prayers began to allow me the same respite.

pb...


"The industrial way of life leads to the industrial way of death.
From Shiloh to Dachau, from Antietam to Stalingrad, from Hiroshima
to Vietnam and Afghanistan, the great specialty of industry and
technology has been the mass production of human corpses."

--Edward Abbey, 1927-1989

in article c56jvt06n5@news4.newsguy.com, pb... at woodlark-99@newsguy.com
wrote on 9/4/04 5:45 pm:
LilMtnCbn wrote: http://politics.guardian.co.uk/homeaffairs/story/0,11026,1188918,00.html Trauma began 44 years ago Paul Traynor Friday April 9, 2004 The Guardian When June gave birth in 1959, she was left with little choice but to put her baby up for adoption. "Only one of you is coming home," her father told her at the hospital. The ordeal has dominated her life since. More than four decades later, she has still been unable to trace her son, who is now 44. She began the search for him eight years ago by registering with West Midlands Post Adoption Services, one of several intermediary services established to help people like June find blood relatives. "I received a form to fill in with all the details I knew, but it took three years before I had the strength to post it off." That was five years ago, but her search is still no further forward. "I was so traumatised at the time of the birth that I can't remember what the adoption agency I used was called," said June, who asked that her real name not be used. Lacking such crucial information, her file remains empty, except for a pile of letters to agencies, appealing for any details. She believes that the new rules may now help her to make some progress. "I hope that once this bill goes through it will make it easier for me to find my son." It's been roughly 24 years since I watched a PBS program (locally produced and aired in L.A.) which featured a searching birth mom who insisted that she couldn't recall her daughter's DOB, or much else surrounding her pregnancy and relinquishment.


Many of the birthmothers I speak to in England don't know which agency,
dealt with their child's adoption and some don't remember the date of birth.
At least in this country the original birth record is not expunged so we can
still look it up, buy a copy of the original birth certificate. Quite often
mothers remember the name of the individual that dealt with them at the
agency, we have lists of who worked where when and can often work out which
agency it was. The big problem is when no agency was involved, that is why
this new legislation is big step forward as it gives us access to the
Court's records and the Registrar General's records.

I stared at the TV in total disbelief! Here was I, a birth mom from around the same era who remembered e v e r y s i n g l e d e t a i l of -- well, you know how it began...and then the pregnancy, incarceration, labor and delivery, the five days post-partum in the hospital...and the day I had to leave that wretched place *and* my daughter behind as I was driven home..."back to that life I would simply pick up where I left off and no one would be the wiser..." Yeah, sure.


I find that most mothers remember those painful details only too clearly, I
guess names and dates shrink in importance at those times unfortunately.

What genius and his handler decided that mothers would just go on as though nothing had happened? As this article plainly shows, forgetting the DETAILS surely doesn't mean you've forgotten a damn thing.


The same genius that thought all adopted people would grow up never wanting
to know why they were adopted, never wanting to know who their mother is,
father is, brothers and sisters are.

The night I saw that program my eyes were opened wide to the world of mothers who truly couldn't recall the painful details...and my prayers began to allow me the same respite.


Since I've started to think about it at all, about about 14 years ago, when
I was watching a group of birthmothers on a TV programme talking about how
painful it was not knowing if the child they gave up all those years ago was
in Gulf fighting, I've thought how difficult it must be for most mothers to
simply forget, at least simply forget and remain sane.

I do worry that some of the mothers here in England staking their all on
this and will be badly let down when the adoptee who is contacted is as
indifferent as I was before my enlightenment. There will need to be a lot
more than just a letter to the adoptee saying "do you or don't you want
contact with your mother / father / sibling?"

Robin